I've only been sober 3 months, but I can agree with a lot of what you're going through now too. After getting sober, I felt like I was coming into the bright light after living in a dark cave for several years. The reality of that light was very painful too....
I lost a good paying job, my car, major bills piled up on me (I was bouncing checks right and left to buy alcohol at one point). Most hurtfully though, I also treated some of my dearest family and friends in ways that I still can't even phathom - the minute I got out of detox, remorse set in. But, I can't look back (wouldn't do any good), all I can do is look forward to the future now.
In a weird way, I can't regret all that bad stuff - because that's what it took for me to FINALLY face my reality, where I was heading if I continued down the road of alcoholism.
I agree with Phoenix. It's good to be able to look people in the eye now - and to look myself in the eye, and not feel sickened or ashamed. I love life now. I love being ALIVE and healthy. I love laughing and smiling, and hugging all my loved ones, and watching the sun come up. I stopped doing those simple pleasures for a long time because of alcohol.
Keep your chin up kindablue. Things DO get better, so don't give up. Just give it all time and patience ( a whole LOT of patience). The reality that we face after waking up from our alcoholic stupor is sometimes very harsh and painful. But, know that there are tons of us that are going through similar things. We'll get through it though. And we'll be better be people because of it.
PianoGirl
"I think a good thing to do is to always carry a couple of sacks around wherever you go. That way, if someone says, "Hey buddy, can you give me a hand?", you can say,"Sorry, I got these sacks...".