Originally Posted by chip
We've made boundary rules since then. We don't ever fight in the bedroom. If she goes to the office, I leave her alone. If I go to my shop, she leaves me alone.
This is all pretty dark stuff. I do love the gal, and we are best friends. All this stuff we talk about is fine, but for me divorce isn't an option. I refuse to put my sons through it. I'll get a lobodomy first....
There are times where I feel like I deserve to have a woman who is nice to me.
Hey Chip, that sounds really positive if you ask me!!! It means that there is a great deal of progress and a little bit of respect for each other starting to surface. The best friends thing is great too.... I think that changing behaviours is a hard thing to do and it doesn't happen over night. One year sober is still early days in my books. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am now and I accepted the gradual change because I wanted the changes to last for me.
You do deserve a woman who is nice and she deserves a man who is nice. I am sure you will work out how to lead the way. From what you say the alternative is not on your agenda, so have a dream and you will get there. Just maybe not tomorrow.
I found that I would get into these huge arguments with my kids and they were pretty ugly and certainly NOT the way I wanted my life to be. It just doesn't happen any more. Bit by bit it has all gotten better. But there have been times when it has been 2 steps forward and 1 step back. It helped everything enormously when I started to unemotionally acknowledge that they had a right to be upset with things I had done and that I wasn't perfect. Sort of helped them to do the same for themselves and then we have all just kept on getting better with accepting our negative behaviours and changing them. Being able to laugh at ourselves has also been a good thing.
peace, it will happen, keep on doing what you are doing.
Brigid
