Brigid-
You brought up some very important points. Fighting with my wife isn't good for my recovery. I'm working on not fighting back....it's hard, but it's possible. I'm working on my temper as well.
I've been venting in this thread, and it is just "my side" of the story. I hope people realize that.
I love my wife, but I hate the way she acts sometimes. Our net worth is so much better together, and our children are very important to us. Our relationship has to work out....we don't have any choice. Sometimes I feel like I work a bit harder on getting along than she does. I try not to "throw the first punch" in a fight with her.
My real problem is that when a punch is thrown, my nature is to punch back. These "punches" are metaphorical and not physical... I'm not a wife beater, and we don't have physical fights. What usually happens is she will launch a personal attack on me, and I will attack in return. I'm got to get better at not attacking in return. It's difficult because, as I mentioned earlier, I dont' feel like she has earned the right to be as mean as she is. If she was better in other areas of "wifehood", I could take her grouchy mood better...
There it is...I'm venting again.
chip