girlindc

just some thoughts running through my head tonight...

today marks 2 weeks in sobriety. and up until now, i've been feeling pretty good about it, with a few days as exceptions of course.

but tonight i went to this meeting, and the topic was basically about relapsing, and most everyone that shared talked about how they relapsed, and how they couldn't even go a week once they got out of rehab etc etc...
well on one hand, i keep thinking, well this must be a normal part of recovery... slipping, and, even though these people have slipped, it wasn't the end of the world, and they still are here, and are still getting sober.... sooooo... would it be okay if i slipped? what if i could just have "one last time" i keep telling myself... one last night to get completely insane, and then i would be done!!

then my conflicting thought is "why"? i've done that before! i have had my "one last time" more times than i can count! LOL...

ugh i don't even know why i'm thinking about this! it just keeps entering my mind non stop.... i've only even gone 2 weeks! and it makes me wonder... why some people have seemed surprised when i told them.. "nope haven't picked up a drink yet"... so i'm like, are people *expecting* me to have picked up a drink since this is my first time?

i just don't know. and i just can't stop thinking about it!!! arrrghh!

heh. sorry. i just wanted to rant a little there.
thanks.