Notices

many conflicting thoughts running through my mind tonight

Old 09-17-2006, 06:03 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
girlindc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: dc
Posts: 62
many conflicting thoughts running through my mind tonight

just some thoughts running through my head tonight...

today marks 2 weeks in sobriety. and up until now, i've been feeling pretty good about it, with a few days as exceptions of course.

but tonight i went to this meeting, and the topic was basically about relapsing, and most everyone that shared talked about how they relapsed, and how they couldn't even go a week once they got out of rehab etc etc...
well on one hand, i keep thinking, well this must be a normal part of recovery... slipping, and, even though these people have slipped, it wasn't the end of the world, and they still are here, and are still getting sober.... sooooo... would it be okay if i slipped? what if i could just have "one last time" i keep telling myself... one last night to get completely insane, and then i would be done!!

then my conflicting thought is "why"? i've done that before! i have had my "one last time" more times than i can count! LOL...

ugh i don't even know why i'm thinking about this! it just keeps entering my mind non stop.... i've only even gone 2 weeks! and it makes me wonder... why some people have seemed surprised when i told them.. "nope haven't picked up a drink yet"... so i'm like, are people *expecting* me to have picked up a drink since this is my first time?

i just don't know. and i just can't stop thinking about it!!! arrrghh!

heh. sorry. i just wanted to rant a little there.
thanks.
girlindc is offline  
Old 09-17-2006, 06:08 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Paused
 
2dayzmuse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Relapse does not have to be a part of recovery. Many people don't relapse, but many do. I have relapsed. When I did, I about poisoned myself with booze. It was bad, who knows what could have happened? Unexpected things always go along with drinking. I wouldn't risk it. Many don't make it back after they go back out.
2dayzmuse is offline  
Old 09-17-2006, 06:53 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 161
The first month or so I thought about the 'what ifs' a lot and I could relapse. I also had quit many times in the past. For whatever reason this time it has stuck, but it is still literally one day at a time, knock on wood. Because I think if you get too cocky about not drinking there is more of a likelihood of relapsing. I also think people know or prepare to have a drink in a way by how they are thinking before they even pick one up.

You don't have to relapse if you don't want too. You've made it two weeks. Just make it one more day, one more week, then one more month etc.
Erin is offline  
Old 09-17-2006, 07:16 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
It is much easier to keep moving forward than to have to pick yourself back up again. The last time I slipped, I almost could not get back up. I was lost in the grips of my addiction and I almost couldn't get stopped until I reached out and found strength through others to help me get stopped.

It is so scary out there and many never get a chance to make it back into recovery. It definitely is not worth the risk. "One last time" could very well be one last time. The people who died from addiction probably never thought that it would be the last time for them. That is the scary part. Anytime someone drinks/uses, it is taking a risk with their very own life. Not worth it.

Also, slipping feeds the addiction and the voice becomes even more powerful for the next time. It keeps getting harder and harder to come back.

Much better to stay than to go out taking chances playing with fire.

Congrats on 2 weeks!
Hope is offline  
Old 09-17-2006, 07:26 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Nevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 93
Definitely does get harder and harder. I am a chronic relapser. There are no advantages to relapsing, unless you consider near-death experiences an advantage. Those who seem surprised at your lack of relapse may simply be jealous. Relapse sucks.
Nevyn is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:49 AM.