Love is not words and emotions. Love is action. I have no doubt that you love your new baby because you are at the hospital every chance you get. Your actions show that you love your baby. Don't let words and emotions fool you. Don't live in the hope that he will do anything becasue he may never change.
Learn to live in today just as it is and make it the best today you can. You can't ever get today back again. Try not to waste it waiting for something to happen or something to change. I use to live in hope and waiting and one day realized that my life was bankrupt. When you removed the hope I had nothing left. For the first time in my life I saw today for today. It was painful and refreshing. It changed my life. Denial is peeled away slowly. I have many teachers here. You have the same teachers. Listen carefully.
Hugs,
MG