healing process
It was a slow progression to get into the pit you're in. Comming back out of it will be a progression too.......
It feels like they are drinking for the purpose of making our lives miserable, but that's not what is going on.
It is self-destruction. He is not trying to make your life hell, in fact, you are probably only in his peripheral vision.
The reason it hurts us so badly, is that we are in a type of denial ourselves. We hang on to the notion that we are entitled to a loving, caring, available, sober husband. And, we get all in a fuss when the A doesn't live up to our dream.
The truth: he is what he is. He may never change. He may get worse. Getting angry about it won't change it.
Once you really, truly accept this fact, energy that you are putting into getting upset about how your life is, can be re-directed towards re-buidling your life. After all, if he had passed away, and left you as a widow, you wouldn't have crawled into the grave with him, would you?
The sky's the limit -- YOUR life can be anything you want it to be, once you stop concentrating on forcing the idea of a sober version of him being a part of your life.
Get with people that you can speak freely around, and relax. Join a women's group at a local church, take up a sport, take some creative classes in the evening... what are your interests?
As you spend more time around functioning, healthy people, you will start to feel more like yourself again.