zazen

It’s simple really. I’m ready to quit drinking. I’m going on ten years of being drunk. I’m one of those passive type drunks I think, who is quite sociable, easy going and ‘more fun to hang around’ when drunk. And now, I can’t cope in social situations sober or even around my own family. I'm bitter and depressed.

My anxiety has risen as my health, family and work has slowly deteriorated. I’m frankly tired of being tired, and I need help. I have not hit my ‘bottom’ but I know it’s right around the corner. My doctor says I have the liver of a 60 year old (I’m in my early 30’s). I’m also constantly agitated and snap at people all the time now. I’m done with this, and I want my life back.

I know the what, but I don’t know the ‘how’. I’ve tried a couple meetings and panicked the whole time there and once I left I raced to a bar, so for now, I’m staying away from the meetings until I have a little more control here. Which brings me to another issue. I have recently figured out that I have some major control issues. I can not stand being out of control, or rather not in control of my surroundings. This is a problem, and I finally realize that. Most of this has eased into recognition through my meditation practice, which by the way I do daily now. Also, I have recently joined a meditation group so I am at least around other sober folks and I’m not in a bar. This seems to be helping a little.

I don’t want to lose my family, or my life. I’m glad I found this forum and plan to jump in here every day while I sweat this out. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m scared. My family knows it’s a problem, but they do not know the extent of it. The sweats, the shakes, the anxiety and the lies. Thanks for listening and look forward to any advice to help this work.

Thanks.

Ted.