when to say enough is enough
i don't know where to begin. this is going to be a long one.
First of all, my dad was an alcoholic. An abusive one. Not to me, but to my mom. My mom was a drug addict, mostly prescription drugs, Xanax, and also Quaaludes. She also did cocaine and smoked pot. I was raised primarily by my grandparents. My grandfather also had a drinking problem, but one I rarely actually saw. I did spend some years with my parents though and I do remember lots of what happened. My dad beating my mom, chasing her down the street or into a canal to get away from him. I remember my mom driving me home to my grandma while high and praying I would get home in one piece. I told myself I would never become like them. My mom did eventually get clean for quite a long time. It took my dad about 20 yrs to get clean, which he is mostly now and has gotten a Phd in social work. A few years back, about 3 actually, my mom went back on Xanax and ended up back in rehab. She is fine now. So, as you can see my family is full of addicts. My ex husband wasn't quite an addict but did drink alot and tried numerous drugs. Needless to say I am no longer with him.
My main thing right now is my brother. He is 25. He started drinking at 18 and graduated to drugs about a year later. He has had 3 DUI's and been to about 6 different rehab centers around the country. He has also been to halfway houses. The longest he has been sober is 6 months and that was entirely in rehab. I am talking in patient care. The kind that costs thousands. He gets out for a week and is right back to drinking abd doing crack.
My mom and I finally got back on speaking terms after her last outpatient stint. During this time we got pretty close again. My brother lived with her though so his "problems" were constantly in her face and mine. His banging on the door at all hours, my home and hers. Yeah, my husband loves it. So do my kids. I would have her spend the night with me to get her away from him. She has tried everything with him. Therapists, all the rehab, kicking him out. Nothing works, he still comes back til she lets him in. He is fine for 2 days and then it starts all over again. He has been in jail a few times and was facing alot of jail time at one point and his lawyer worked it all out for him. He squeaked by on probation.
When my husband and I decided to move to another part of the state I wanted my mom to come along and stay with us. And, as long as my brother was sober I said if he wanted to move into an apartment nearby I would at least take him grocery shopping and to pay his bills. He has no checking account and no car and no license anyway. But, I also told him if he started drinking and doing drugs again he wasn't welcome in my home and I wouldn't do anything for him. Well, we moved, they found him an apartment and moved up two months later. Two days after coming here he went out and got screwed up. Against my better judgment I went out and picked him up because I was afraid he would end up dead on the side of the road. He was riding a bike and didn't know the area and was 5 miles from his apartment when we found him. He smelled so bad. It made me ill. Since then, it has been this way every couple of days. But, my mom keeps wanting me to do things for him. Like take him grocery shopping and to pay his bills. Let him come over once or twice a week to have dinner and sometimes spend the night. While he is here she waits on him hand and foot. She makes his dinner plate for him, he watches TV with her in her room, he follows her outside to smoke every few minutes. If she is downstairs more than 2 minutes he is down here asking where she is.
My husband is tired of it, so are my kids. My daughter is 17 and can't stand him. I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. I honestly don't think he wants to get help anymore. Anytime my mom mentions going to a meeting with him he won't. When she says to call his therapist, who will still talk to him, he won't. He will walk to the store to get beer or to the corner for drugs, but asks us to bring him soda if he runs out. I am really tired of feeling used and my mom is getting pissy with me about it. "He is family" she says. "HBe is my son" she says. Well, he is not MY son and I don't want to keep doing all this stuff for him. It disrupts my life every few days and we are tired of it.
When can I say enough?? When is it okay to walk away? I am physically tired of this.