Ayers, I'm going to bump this one back up. Sorry it's taken so long to put fingers to keyboard, but you have asked such a massive question.
Thinking back to when I was in your position, the first thing I did was read everything on SR. And I think I mean that literally. I spent hours reading posts going back years because I wanted to learn how other people tackled my situation.
Then I took the advice of the wise ones and got a copy of Co-Dependent No More. Then Langauge of Letting Go. They both blew my mind. I still really like LoLG, because it's a daily reader and helps to break stuff down into bits I can deal with.
Then I started posting. As you can see, I still do that quite a lot! Writing helps me to get some clarity in my thoughts and I have lost count of the amount of times I have written a response to someone else and realised I really needed to take my own advice. I also PMd people and got to know posters who were in my situation or those that had what I wanted. And I am so glad I did as many of these are among my most cherished friends and my life would be infinitely poorer without them.
I started counselling and al-anon at about the same time. It's hard for me to distinguish which helped the most, because I was being exposed to very similar messages from each. My counsellor, though, was amazing and I really cherish how much (extra) time he gave me to ask me the questions I needed to answer for myself.
I read everything I could get my hands on. Any topic that I came across (detachment, enabling, boundaries, emotional abuse etc) I googled and read as much as I could. There is tons of info out there.
I kept up with my meetings, shared at every one, did the main share whenever I was asked and still do.
In short, I worked at my recovery. I didn't want to stay in my mindset any longer. And that is the key, imho. Recovery takes effort.