Ayers, I've been thinking about your post and each time I read it my reaction is that your 4 points still seemed focused on the A. It's good to see and recognize all those things, but my recovery started with the next step: putting the focus on me. I don't make decisons or conduct my life any longer in reaction to the addiction of someone else. I hope this makes some sense.
It isn't easy, and I found help through the 12 steps and individual therapy. Working the 12-steps and attending meetings helped me greatly because I was able to connect with lots of healthy people who are of enormous benefit. An interesting thing, though, is at first I chose less healthy people. As I really worked it, I could see clearly what I had done.
I was with AH for 18 years, so it's taken a long time for me to not process everything through the A filter.
In other words and to sum up, my true recovery came when I looked at myself.