Originally Posted by paulmh
And the biggest BS we wave around is the "you know, I am able to change - but only you can make me change". That's a doozy. That's the one that allows us to continue to use while our partner takes it into their head that it's their problem, and it's within their power to solve. None of us stop until we genuinely want to stop, for ourselves and not for anyone else. Take no blame or credit.
Or "I am able to be happy -but only
you can make me happy", or any of that manipulative nonsense that people employ to shift responsibility for themselves onto another, so they don't have to change, or find happiness in themselves, or accept blame for their own faulty actions and reactions.
Originally Posted by autumn
In fact, I'm more disgusted than anything. You know, I just don't buy that he can't quit smoking or drinking. I've seen him use his head injury as an excuse to avoid certain tasks, especially where reading/writing is concerned.
He thinks I'm changing the subject, which I'm not. It's really frustrating, as I'm sure you can imagine. I'm used to it though.
He smokes, and was just diagnosed with beginning stage emphysema. He's already resigned himself to his death! It doesn't make me feel sorry for him - actually, I feel the opposite.
So really, I think a lot of why I'm even asking questions about his head injury has to do with a certain amount of denial on my part. He doesn't like to read and write (though as I pointed out, he's perfectly capable).
I'm tired and frustrated. It pisses me off when he talks about dying. I'm 36 years old. I'm too young to sit back and watch him die like an old man. I didn't do anything to deserve it! It's so selfish! I have been through so much! No, I don't feel sorry for him at all. I have been busting my a** to improve my life.
(((Autumn))), I empathize with you and your situation. Exchange age 36 for 37, and "head injury" for "cancer" and you and I have the exact same situation...and outlook. Frustrated to the end. I've been avoiding dealing with it just as you have been...
like the plague. I have to wonder if a large part of our caring/ enduring their "neediness" isn't out of somes sense of duty/ guilt/ obligation. But we can't get bogged down in that, it only keeps us stuck. Regardless whether or not you decide to remain in the relationship, you need not succumb to his manipulative games. Yeah, easier said than done, I know.
Originally Posted by splendra
Love is not putting up with cr@p
As has been stated repeatedly, so much of health and well-being takes place within the realm of mind, which supercedes the physical. Keep doing what YOU need to do to take care of yourself. You sound strong.