Cocoa- I wish you all the best with this. The only way to stay remotely sane if your AH is active again is to master detachment IMO. My husband was an active alcoholic who simply was not ready to get help and I could not fathom living with it for another moment. He and I were recently divorced. IMO, marriage is a partnership between two people and I could not be happy in a situation where I would have to become that detached from my partner to keep a shred of sanity. Jim as always has given you stellar advice from the other side. If there ever is an "enough" for you, you'll know it in your own time.