Deetah--please take what I am about to say in the spirit it was intended.
YOU are the love of your life. HE is not. There is NO person out there who can fill the empty holes in your soul. If you look to him (or anyone else) to complete you, you will forever be disappointed and in despair. There is no one outside of ourselves that can make us happy. True happiness can only come from within.
I will ask the question also, have you read "Codependent No More?" Even if you have, you may want to read it again. Also, one my all-time favorites is "The Road Less Traveled." It speaks to the pain you are feeling.
Above all, it is important to get outside help. Are you seeing a counselor? I would probably be a basket case right now if it wasn't for my counselor. Please seek out some face to face help, whether it is Alanon, counseling, pastor, or whatever. This forum is wonderful, but sometimes you just need a real person for support.
((((Deetah))))
L