Hi Cocoa. I'm sorry you are going through rough times right now and my thoughts are with you.
Stickies are the 10 or so threads/posts at the very top of the forum, in the beginning before these threads. They have a wealth of information on everything. I know when I was out of my mind, I read the stickies AND read a lot of others posts on here. It might not solve your problem, but it will help somewhat to know that you aren't alone. xoxo