brigid

I just know for myself that there are behaviours that I have commented on in other people that are my own, I haven't realised it at the time. As one example, my brother was an alcoholic, he drank himself to an early grave, I got really upset with him at one point, telling him how he was really doing and living things that were not actually right for him. Really these things were true about myself at the time, they bothered me so much then but now when I see it in someone, it really doesn't bother me much at all, I know that I have been there, am getting better about doing the right thing for me and living to my potential. I just don't get too emotional about it all for other people because it is not my issue any more.

There are other things that I have been a total dick about too, like control issues, anger (you might remember a few posts - I found your input and feedback enormously helpful as well as challenging my beliefs at that time), manipulation ... I have done these things and recognised them in others and disliked them, commented on them etc.. not seen them in myself. I find that the more I let these things go the less they worry me in other people, I just recognise them now and it is ok. This is my experience with myself anyway.

I am sure that alcoholism and my upbringing as a child of alcoholic parents and some abuse in my childhood has had an influence on me and that for other people those same influences are not true. For other people who have truly experienced unconditional love, open and honest, I am sure that there are less of these things and that they just are upset by behaviours because they are outside their experience and knowledge.

But I also know that in my last relationship my partner saw things in other people that bothered him, but that they rarely bothered me because they were not really part of me, who I am and my upbringing. I just didn't recognise them as being bad or needed to downgrade the person as he did, I just saw things as being someone elses choice and not mine so why would it bother me, I don't have to live with it.

Of course there are also situations where a behaviour is harmful to another person, I try to help where I can in these cases and I don't feel the need to analyse myself, no actually I still do, that is a lie. Recently I helped a friend who was trying to work out how to improve her relationship with her physically and mentally abusive husband ... I admit that I still analysed myself to see if I felt distate of the whole situation because I was accepting an abusive type relationship ... the answer was yes, albeit I felt that my situation was less abusive, really the degree is not the issue nor even a point for consideration. It did not mean that I was caring for myself any better than my friend by accepting things.

So maybe for some of us Equus, we do have to look within when a behaviour or situation bothers us, maybe not for others.

I believe in our subconscious and conscious being quite different entities, I believe our subconscious innately knows what is good and right for us, our conscious does not always know this because conscious thought is governed by bodily reactions etc. I can't really get too technical on this, I have no widely read basis, just have some experiences and seen a few things, no indisputable proof. Recently had a distance Reikki healing done on me, it just is an instinctive belief I have, no solid factual basis. May also have something to do with the religous teachings of my youth and how I felt it was true that god was in everyone of us and everywhere, how we should listen to our conscience ... stuff like that, it appears in many teachings and religions.

peace and love,
Brigid