Hello Crayola.
I understand how you're feeling. I felt a lot of guilt too when I finally acted on what I'd been saying. Poor little deceived thing... how was he to know I meant it this time? Was that really fair warning? Would he have gotten it together sooner if he'd known I was serious at last? Did I do something wrong? I think in my case I was clinging to the notion that there was something I could or should have been able to do to make him change. But when I thought more I about it, I realized I didn't want someone around that I had to bully into behaving... even if it would work. Dino got clean without me. He still had my friendship and all the "you can do its" I could muster, but he didn't have me giving him advice or making the rules for him. He had a lot of ups and downs on the way that I am grateful to have only experienced peripherally.
I think you are wise to consider that going back now might be getting back on the roller coaster. And if you were to return... who would you be doing it for? You or him? If being apart is harder than dealing with the amusement ride, then that's your call. But if you are considering returning because of the pain it is causing him, please think some more. Do you want to keep martyring yourself? Have the sacrifices you have already made amounted to any progress toward sustained improvement? Whatever you decide, do it for you. Your living arrangements are not what will get or keep him sober. You don't owe anyone your sanity or peace of mind. The guilt you feel you haven't earned.
Hugs,
Smoke