For those who are new to 12-step program lingo, this is a strange-sounding phrase. Its meaning will become clearer over time, but is confusing at first. Just what do they mean by “one day at a time”? Most newly recovering addicts will argue that they are here for long time recovery or to quit forever. As usual, this is a great idea, but a tough one to live out.

For most who have developed a lifestyle that is centered on their addiction, the specter of remaining abstinent looms dark and forbidding into a future that seems bleak without the companions of substances and behaviors that have been the only friends an addict sometimes has left. Take these away, and just what, pray tell, are they supposed to do? A savvy friend or sponsor will laugh then and tell them that they only need to remain abstinent for this one day. “Oh…so that is it,” thinks the newcomer…”but I still don’t understand.” And of course, they do not understand. Other than the loss of the horrendous consequences they have been paying for their addiction and its accompanying behaviors, there is little to recommend a life without the practice of active addiction. And, if there is a life without it, what kind of life could it possibly be?

Certain that there is no more fun to be had in their lives, that they will never laugh or enjoy themselves again, because they are so uncomfortable without the security blanket of their drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, or whatever their addiction was, even one day seems to stretch out in front of them, dreary and bleak. They have become so used to the feelings of being in an altered state of mind that it is impossible to see how it could ever be any better without the only friend(s) they had left.

So, one day at a time can mean that they only have to figure out how to go through this 24-hour period of time without substances. To even contemplate staying abstinent for any longer is an overwhelming idea. So, it can be broken down into segments that are comfortable for the newly recovering addict…one day, which can be further broken down into hours, or even minutes if their anxiety about not using or drinking or participating in an addictive behavior is at stake. With the help of their newly-formed support group and a strong relationship with a sponsor, it can go that slowly…one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Somehow, they will wake up in the morning after a strenuous day and feel amazed that they remained abstinent for that day!

The true miracles of recovery are those first days. They are absolutely impossible to achieve, and yet, it does happen! With or without a treatment or recovery setting, there is hope! With the hope that they can do it for just one more minute, one more hour, or one more day coupled with the experience of actually having done it for a few minutes, hours and days, there is hope and a sense of certainty. A support group will provide this certainty as well. As the newcomer hears the stories of the recovery of those in the meetings, they become more assured that, “If they can do it, so can I!”

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

After a period of time in recovery, a balance can be struck in understanding when to divulge their recovery to others and how much information to give in various settings. This can be confusing for newly recovering addicts, who vacillate between yelling it from the rooftops and hiding it from everyone, lest they think less of them.

It is not unusual that they would be very excited and proud about their early recovery and abstinence and want to tell everyone they know that they have finally succeeded in overcoming their addiction. This is a very common response to early recovery for those who are experiencing it for the first time. The problem lies in the anonymity that is a vital part of the 12-step programs, which are all “anonymous.” Understanding the concept of what is meant by the phrase “anonymous” in the 12-step programs takes some time and awareness of the programs and how that works for all members.

The basic premise is that everyone is asked to keep their own membership in the 12-step programs to themselves when addressing public entities, such as the “press, radio, film, and television.” It also requests that members not divulge the membership or even attendance of others in the group outside the meetings. This has become a much bigger problem with the advent of celebrities of all types who do not adhere to the traditions of 12-step programs and speak freely in different media circles about their participation in 12-step groups.

It is perfectly understandable when a recovering addict wants to publicly declare their recovery. This is not a breach of anonymity. The issue of their participation, membership, or attendance in any specific 12-step program, however, is a breach of the anonymity of the group and a violation of the traditions that are designed to keep other members safe and to protect the unity and integrity of the group itself.

Because relapse is such a common part of the recovery process, it is seen that keeping one’s involvement with recovery private can be an asset to everyone. We have all read and seen the public displays of drunkenness and active addiction that can soon follow the equally public announcements of many people’s entry into treatment. It carries the message to the rest of the world that there is no such thing as long-term, ongoing abstinence. This is a matter that is confusing and misleading to those outside the recovery realm. That is why the principle of anonymity protects not only other members of the groups, but the people who are actually abusing anonymity themselves. It is hoped that the sense of pride that is felt in early recovery will propel the member through an ongoing process to remain in recovery. In doing so, they will begin to understand why there are safeguards to protect the group itself and its other members. Sponsors who understand the true nature of anonymity will be happy to guide those who do not yet understand how that works. And the group itself is a great place to celebrate the accomplishment of what can seem impossible to those who have not been able to attain long-term, ongoing recovery.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

We’ve all heard the saying,  “laughter is the best medicine.” This is especially true in certain settings, where we see that a sense of humor may get one through uncertain and even terrifying circumstances. Remember Norman Cousins, who laughed himself well when diagnosed with terminal cancer? Today there are clinics where laughter, induced by comedic routines, joke tellers, clowns and other laughter inciting therapies are a regular part of the treatment provided. Benefits are seen by cancer survivors and many others who are suffering and need to reframe their experience to gain insight and benefits otherwise not used in conventional hospital, therapeutic, and treatment settings.

Addicts, too, can benefit from developing a sense of humor. Prone to being overly dramatic and self-important, it is seen that several popular myths in Alcoholics Anonymous are beneficial to reminding addicts to remain “right-sized” in working through their recovery issues and those that come up often during the course of their ongoing abstinence. One of the most surprising phenomena in Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step program meetings is that of the laughter that is present during the telling of their tragic episodes while participating in their active addiction. This is a common statement by those who first walk into the rooms and are able to stay abstinent. The way that they feel when walking into the meetings for the first few times is incongruent to their subsequent experience when they hear other addicts sharing their stories with the group, and hearing the laughter that is evoked by their identification with the stories.

A story that is told in Alcoholics Anonymous is that there is a book called “Rule 62.” Many times, members will say to one another, “Remember Rule 62,” especially when a sponsor hears a recovering addict predict gloom and doom in situations that will probably work out just fine. The story states that the book “Rule 62” is full of blank pages, with a single page in the middle of the book that says: “Do not take yourself so seriously.” This then, is Rule 62. The negative mindset of the addict can be a definite detriment to recovery for the addict. They tend to remember the horrors of their past and believe that they are doomed to continue to repeat those behaviors. It is important to constantly remind them that they are in recovery to change those parts of their behaviors and lifestyles that contributed to that horror. Therefore, unbeknownst to them, but commonly seen in the meetings of recovering addicts, the outcomes of their behaviors will bring about new and different results, usually in seemingly (and unquestionably) miraculous ways!

Being able to laugh at oneself is an important feature. When they learn to not believe what they think is happening, and to laugh at the heavy dramatic frame they place life in, they are well on their way to recovering a new attitude and belief about themselves, their true place in the world, and how to fit into that place. They remember to remain in expectation of different outcomes due to different behaviors, and maybe just a little less stressed out about what is coming for them next.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

Many recovering addicts’ new addiction to drama can be difficult for their family and friends to live with. What creates this need for attention and being center stage all the time? Why is every small event magnified and processed as if it were truly life and death? Is this something that just happens with recovering addicts, or do we all have a tendency to dramatize our lives?

How does this almost need for drama impact recovering addicts and why? It is known that the chemical receptors in the pleasure center of the brain are heavily influenced with most substances of abuse. As these chemicals are pumped into the brain, addictive patterns begin to form for the addict. As they become more and more dependent upon the substance, they also form patterns of habit in their brain synapses. This combination becomes habit after some time, and then becomes addiction. Depending on the substance, it can happen quite rapidly for many who begin to use and then abuse the substance.

Those who begin with abusing one substance may believe that the particular drug is the problem and often switch to another one and another one, switching drugs to end their dependency on any. This phenomenon may also be seen in recovery settings, where addiction to alcohol becomes an addiction to sugar, an equally damaging substance that may continue to damage the blood sugar system of the abuser. The brain is producing much the same effect from the sugar as it did with the alcohol, thus allowing the reward system to mimic the chemicals produced by drinking.

Other behaviors may stimulate the production of dopamine and give the recovering addict a “rush” that is not as strong, but is still addictive, without the use of drugs. These “fixes” can be numerous in range, from shopping to eating, from sex to tobacco. While they are all legal, their benefits in the reward center of the brain may bring the same sensations that using drugs did. A rush of adrenalin signals the idea of the behavior, perhaps the danger of being caught will fuel additional adrenalin. Whatever sets this off, the adrenalin itself becomes an addictive substance to the addict’s brain. It wants more and more.

Thus, as the addiction to the adrenaline begins to form, behaviors will escalate to further stimulate and flood the brain with the same “rush” that they remember from the beginning use of their chemical substance. Because there is a reward system activated when they receive attention within their peer group, they may begin to tell stories and find ways to receive larger and larger amounts of attention. This “rush” will become addictive, just as other behaviors do. An addict in recovery may form many new patterns of achieving the same effects of drugs and alcohol long after they are abstinent from the use of them. The hope is that they learn to acknowledge and recognize their addictive behaviors and balance them into recovery.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

Steps 8 and 9 in the 12-step programs talk about “…making a list of all persons we had harmed…” in step 8, and “…making direct amends, wherever possible…” in step 9. This is confusing for many addicts in their early recovery. Sponsors who have worked through these steps and have maintained abstinence for many years are just as puzzled and confused about what constitutes an “amends.”

Because they frequently apologized for their words, behaviors, attitudes, and addictions in the past, many are prone to look at amends as another round of apologies they need to make to those they have harmed. This is not in the nature of these steps, nor is it what the founders of the 12-step movement intended to pass along to those who were to follow. If apologies meant anything to those who have been burned by the selfishness and inconsideration of active addiction, it would have worked when first performed by the chronic addict. Of course they never did anything about the behaviors that were being apologized for. They continued to lie, cheat, steal, and forget about everyone and everything in their path, except the procuring and using and behaviors necessary to maintain their addiction.

Since apologies are not what is meant by these steps, just what is an “amends” anyway? According to Dictionary.com, amend can mean a) to alter, modify, rephrase, or add to or subtract from (a motion, bill, constitution, etc.) by formal procedure; b) to change for the better; improve; c) to remove or correct faults. So it is seen that nowhere in these definitions is the word apology listed. So it is important to understand the language of recovery and make sure that what is being taught is what is truly being learned. By changing for the better, as listed in b), it is thought that this is the best definition for purposes of amending ones’ addicted behaviors. Therefore, if an addict is guilty of lying to his wife and children, boss, parents, friends and other family members, perhaps his best way of amending that behavior is to practice telling the truth to them under any and all circumstances. Other amends will involve paying back stolen money and taking time to spend with neglected family members and friends who are hurt by the neglect of selfish addicts.

Many addicts will defend themselves by saying they only hurt themselves in active addiction. This is just not the case. Even living on a deserted island, there is universal ramification for every behavior. If they drove while under the influence, they owe amends for that by not doing that particular behavior any longer. If they worked anywhere, for anyone, they impacted their bosses, their coworkers, their subordinates, and everyone who did business with that agency by virtue of the fact that they were illegally involved in some form of behavior that was injurious to themselves and potentially those around them. If they had parents, spouses, children, or any familial relationships whatsoever, their relationships were damaged by the residual effects of addiction. Therefore, it is almost impossible to find an addict whose behavior harmed no one.

Making amends is difficult to think about for all addicts. They create imagined monsters which seldom materialize while making amends. Making the effort to rectify old behaviors is much less difficult than it is in the mind of an addict. Few who have performed these steps are heard to share that what was necessary to clean up their messes is too outrageous. Most feel that they have walked away from the process clean and free.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.