Service is one of three principles in Alcoholics Anonymous. The other two are unity and recovery. While service may seem to be an obvious principle to interpret, it can cause some confusion when it is used as a manipulative way to attempt to control others. Recovering addicts may be some of the best manipulators in the world. They certainly have the skills, which are honed sharply while in active addiction. Because they may not be completely laid to rest when in early recovery, there are some who are using that skill in 12-step groups. This is not news to any members attending the groups. However, there will be things said frequently in the groups that are not in the spirit of what the founders had in mind when they stressed the importance of being of service to others as a way of enhancing and strengthening personal recovery from substance abuse.

Early in Alcoholics Anonymous, there was a completely different need for service than that seen today. There were only two original founding members. They were hard-pressed to spread the word about recovery to those who were still in the thralls of practicing alcoholic drinking. As they were able to achieve success with new members, there was some relief of the workload as those members began to spread the good news. Soon they had a small group and from there they changed the history of addiction by forming Alcoholics Anonymous. This is a brief explanation of work that was done for the love of the recovery they had found. This kind of work is no longer needed in Alcoholics Anonymous. While there are thousands of meetings in countries all over the world, there exists a huge need for service work to be done at many levels.

This work does not go away, but increases every day. Service to Alcoholics Anonymous and in other 12-step communities is rewarding, sometimes frustrating, and usually under-appreciated, but it most often leads to a stronger recovery for the person who performs it. The problem occurs when those who do not understand the nature of service tell others in the group things that are patently untrue. A frequently heard phrase is, “Never say no to an AA [or NA] request.” The origins of this saying are unknown. Too often, it is used to bully others into doing what that person wants them to do. This is not service; it is manipulation. The person being cornered into doing what the other member wants them to do will perform this function, but do it with much less than the spirit with which service is intended. They have been conned, manipulated, and trapped into doing something because that phrase is believed to be true by them.

It is strongly hoped that their sponsor will enlighten them about this untrue phrase. It has become a widespread expression, used altogether too often. New members of 12-step groups fall prey to it frequently. They are manipulated into doing things that they do not want to do by guilt imposed from another member mouthing a phrase that should not be used. Again, this is NOT what service is about, nor what it was intended to be. Anything done through manipulation, guilt or shame is not service, it is slavery. Resentment and anger are the byproducts of this type of work. Love is the byproduct of service. Anything that is undertaken through guilt cannot produce the love that was the very spirit of those early founding members. This is truly the spirit of service.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

Recovery can become less exciting after many years of going to 12-Step meetings, sponsoring newly recovering persons and working through personal issues. The meetings of 12-Step recovery begin to blend into a long, ongoing drama that doesn’t appeal after twenty years or more. The truth is, after long time recovery, members tend to become complacent. It begins with life becoming busier than it used to be. Families and employment, as well as their homes and bank accounts have become stable. The incentives that make early recovery desperately necessary are no longer part of daily life.

Most have returned to a stable way of living. They marry, if not already so, find education and employment that they can responsibly maintain, have cleared away the legal wreckage that may have been present early on. What is left to recover from?

A great deal is the answer. For many, there are deep-rooted issues in relationships that still require maintenance and healing. A long process has been begun, but there will be new issues for long-timers to work through. As they age, health and end-of-life issues arise. Then there are children moving out of the home and on with their lives, marriages and grandchildren. These become the rewards of a successful, happy and productive family life, something that was usually threatened by the substance abuse that is no longer occurring.

Freshness is found in the 12 Step meetings, as new members continue to appear. There is work to be done in helping others find and enjoy recovery. It doesn’t retire, nor does it stop. New members arrive daily to the meetings and treatment centers around the world. There is always service work to be done. While many feel that newer members need to perform the service work that is important in early years of recovery, there is still room for leadership by those with history in recovery.

Workshops and retreats are beneficial to renewing the spiritual wonder and gratitude that permeate early recovery. The sense of “been there, done that” can be removed with a fresh outlook at old ideas and feelings. Sometimes the most seasoned veterans of recovery can be the most surprised by how much they had forgotten when they participate in these events. A common response is, “Wow! I have slipped away from this stuff! I am so glad to be back on track.”

Life never stands still. Long-timers will still have to live in accordance with Universal laws that may conflict with what they believe and what they would like to have in their lives. Death, divorce, tragic accidents and relapse are still a big part of life, no matter how many meetings attended, no matter how many sponsees are guided through the 12 Steps and no matter how many service commitments a person has completed. Birth, marriage and celebrating a successful, happy life can be as disarming as sad events. The stress of busy life can be as dangerous to recovery at twenty-five or thirty years as it was in the first months of recovery. There is ample evidence that no one is exempt from relapse. Renewal events remove the emotional imbalance that is occurring or the complacency that is set in.

Knowledge, while a powerful resource in many situations, will not serve here. It takes devotion to recovery to stay on the path, moving forward into a future of constant unknowns.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

There are numerous reasons why I quit drinking. Even though I was told I would always be an alcoholic, I successfully overcame my addiction to alcohol. Although I hate the word “addiction” many people thrive on it; it’s their excuse for the life they have been living. I was told I was sick and I had no choice, no voice, no self-control; alcoholism made me feel like a stone, thrown out to sea. I couldn’t control my own destiny or my life and I would eventually wash up wherever the alcohol had wanted me to. I know many others are out there, feeling just like I had—like a stone with no thought, drive, power or motivation. That is why I want to share my story of how I overcame alcohol.

My story began when I left a 12-step program which shall remain nameless, I needed to get away from the damaging mentality they gave me. It was so negative and never made me feel good. So you may be wondering, why did I leave? It wasn’t easy, but I figured after five years of being in and out of recovery, that I had had enough. I work up one day and realized I didn’t want this life anymore; it’s not the legacy I wanted to leave behind. So I kept things simple and created a plan with realistic goals in a journal. I knew since I was drinking for hours a day I couldn’t go cold turkey so I slowly dropped down my drinking each week, tracking when I drank and how much. This slow process didn’t leave me feeling extremely shaky or with extreme withdrawal. It took me a few months to eventually fully stop but I had never felt so liberated.

I started being proactive about my choices and tried to keep busy on making plans for my future. Once I had my goals in order, drinking didn’t seem like it had to be such a huge part of my life. I always kept my goals small so I could achieve them easier. It felt so amazing to check things off in my journal, such as get out of bed before 10 a.m. or work on my resume. The entire process brought such positive energy to my life. By doing these small steps I learned from my past mistakes. I also tried not to look back on my former life in the 12 step program. I knew if I truly wanted a fresh start I couldn’t focus on the past and what I could have done differently. I was living in the present and planning for the future.

This process of self-awareness worked incredibly for me but only when I realized I did have control of my own life. It’s been three years since I stopped drinking and I couldn’t be happier. My life is now consumed with my job, family, friends and fun, no longer alcohol. If you’re struggling with alcohol or drugs, my advice to you would be to stay strong, surround yourself with the right people, focus on yourself and start off slow. Most of all never give up on yourself— anyone can do this. You just have to be strong enough to endure the process.

Melissa Kluska is the Saint Jude Retreats Online Public Relations Manager and specializes in non-12-step drug and alcohol programs and alternatives to addiction treatment. She currently is researching non-12-step and non treatment programs as the only effective way to stop a substance abuse programs. 

Treatment center counselors/therapists are learning the benefits of having clients write gratitude lists regularly to keep them from spiraling into negative mindsets. It is important to retain the early feelings of hopefulness and optimism that inspire clients to do the work that is required for ongoing recovery.

There can be more to it than that. In early recovery, one challenge for persons who are new to the process is difficulty identifying their emotions. They have used substances to stifle and cover up emotional responses for so long that they are not aware of what they feel. Finding ways to identify and process emotions is one of the tools they will be asked to use repeatedly in ongoing recovery. This is a daunting task when they are not yet sure that they want to feel them. The two most common emotions that can be named are fear and anger. Frequently, they are confused and the two are quite often simultaneous or causal to each other.

Asking anyone with feelings of fear and/or anger to express gratitude is a huge leap for these persons. A good way to bridge that experience is to invite them into a place where they can express thanks to their anger or their fear for simply existing. This is a good starting point. The conversation can begin where the client expresses their disdain for a gratitude exercise. From there it moves into them expressing the emotion(s) they feel. Using the emotion, the counselor/therapist invites them to thank their anger/hurt/pain/fear for what it is telling them and breathing into the emotion. As they release the breath, they release the emotion, but only after they have listened to what it has to teach them. They can express gratitude for the lesson as well as the emotion.

If the recovery client is willing to share this, encourage them to do so. If not, invite them to write it down. In this way, they can befriend their emotions and learn from them. Many will go so far as to develop a practice of becoming authentically grateful for the emotions they are experiencing and the process of learning to name and share them. This gives them an opportunity to begin the kind of healing that will lead them into recovery with the ability to safely feel, express, and then dismiss emotions. They begin to develop a life skill which allows participation in full emotional relationships with themselves, their peers, and with family and friends.

While clients may fear the emotions that have accumulated over the period of their substance use/abuse, this will give them a processing mechanism that they can easily practice anywhere. As they learn to use it often, they will become comfortable with the idea of thanking their emotions for what they can discover about themselves. This is of benefit in ongoing recovery. They will be more aware, more present to their feelings, and better equipped to handle the situations and feelings that come up without relapsing into the substances once again. Learning to cope with emotions is difficult for most people. Learning to thank them for their presence and teachings is a true gift.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. She is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

So, you’ve been asked to attend some AA meetings. Or you want to attend some AA meetings. You are probably wondering what to expect. Unless you’ve been to AA before, then perhaps you may think you know what to expect. But, luckily, every AA meeting is a little different. That means you can lay aside your expectations and just enjoy the experience.

How to find an AA Meeting. The oldest way is to look in the phone book, under Alcoholism. No matter where you are in the world, you’ll find a listing for Alcoholics Anonymous. On the Internet search “AA meetings in (your city).” On your smart phone, search for applications under the topics “AA Meetings” or “12 Step Recovery.”

Open or Closed? If you believe you’re alcoholic, try a “closed” meeting, as they are for alcoholics only. If you’re unsure about your status, try an “open” meeting. The most important thing is to GO! It’s really recommended you try about eight meetings before you make a decision about whether or not AA is for you.

Do I have to talk? No. Every AA group is different, however, they all essentially operate the same. You may or might not be asked to share or talk. It’s definitely ok to pass. You don’t have to announce yourself as an alcoholic or share anything unless you want to. It’s helpful to arrive at the meeting a little early, that way you can get a seat and not draw too much attention to yourself as a newcomer. The folks that are early to meetings are usually pretty sturdy AA members; they come early to set up and welcome people just like you. The people you meet will help you adjust to how the meeting works and what to expect. Just tell them you’re new to AA, and that this is your first meeting.

What to bring. The most important thing to bring along is an open mind. It helps to bring a little willingness too. Listening is the best gift you can bring almost anywhere. If you listen in on an AA meeting, often you will be able to identify with or relate to folks who are talking. Of course you can bring a friend in case you’re nervous or scared, but unless your friend is an alcoholic, it’s best to go to an open meeting. Bring a dollar bill (or two) for the donation basket. It’s customary in AA to pay the rent by passing a collection basket. This usually happens about half way through the meeting.

Try to remember that everyone in the room had been new to AA just like you. They all had to find their way to their first AA meeting, they all had to ask questions and feel a little uncomfortable.

Do I have to stay for the whole meeting? No. But if you can, try and stay for the entire meeting. If you can’t, if you’re just too uncomfortable or perhaps too emotional, it’s definitely ok to leave. Be polite, try and wait for a pause in people’s sharing before you exit. Try to remember that everyone in the meeting is really there to carry a message of hope to you and are wanting to offer their support to someone new to AA just like you.

EShepard from Tuscon, AZ, has more than 10 years working as a therapist with families struggling with addiction.