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-   -   Scared to be alone (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/where-were-you/420650-scared-alone.html)

Itsgoingtobeok 12-21-2017 06:39 PM

Scared to be alone
 
My addiction goes hand and hand with my addiction of being with someone.
I always have to date some one or talk on the phone text what ever it takes for me not to be alone. When I am left alone I just think and think and I know itís stupid but I really canít deal with being alone any ideas ?

Dee74 12-21-2017 07:13 PM

Hi itsgoingtobeok :)

The fear of being alone and sober was a big one for me too. I had the idea that it would be terrifying - and it was initially but once I pushed through with it I fiound that I didn't hate myself as much as I thought or mind my own company as ,uch as I thought I might.

The fear of being alone was much MUCH great than the reality.

That was my experience anyway :)

That being said, there's always someone online here, so none of us is never truly alone.

I'm glad you found us - come and post and intro in the newcomers forum as well - more response that way :)

D

Opivotal 12-21-2017 07:30 PM

Welcome, Itsgoingtobeok. :)

I found volunteering an excellent way to both meet and help people. Maybe an animal shelter, Salvation Army, a local hospital? You never have to be alone and giving back is very rewarding.

Some other things you can do is take up a hobby (whatever interests you), maybe join a gym, take a class?

Oh, and how you feel is never "stupid", your feelings are valid.

Keep posting, you've joined a wonderful warm community.

Toughroad1209 12-22-2017 01:29 AM

I've searched for friendship...I think that's why I've gone on many binges....partly because I wanted the "next drink" then partly because I'm searching for someone or something to make me happy...I never really had true friendships that didn't involve alcohol...I enjoy writing here because I feel people want to do the right thing and are striving to be better than they once were! Good luck to everyone

Carpathia 12-22-2017 06:53 AM

This is a good topic, thanks for starting it.

I felt alone even when I wasn't alone. In recovery I'm discovering how overblown my expectations were for companionship and friendship.

It completely overwhelmed me. I didn't understand the concept of give and take.

There was no "easy does it".

Every interaction, it seemed, was fraught with anxiety and tension (people-pleasing, putting on a show, etc.), even toward my closest family members. Alcohol to the rescue.

But alcohol couldn't help me solve the aloneness, the apartness, I felt. And no amount of human contact could do it for me, either.

Only following a program of recovery has helped me. It's taken patient sober time for me to find a balanced place of being okay with who I am in relation to myself, firstly, and then, to being okay with who I am in relation to others.


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