Scared to be alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1
Scared to be alone
My addiction goes hand and hand with my addiction of being with someone.
I always have to date some one or talk on the phone text what ever it takes for me not to be alone. When I am left alone I just think and think and I know it’s stupid but I really can’t deal with being alone any ideas ?
I always have to date some one or talk on the phone text what ever it takes for me not to be alone. When I am left alone I just think and think and I know it’s stupid but I really can’t deal with being alone any ideas ?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hi itsgoingtobeok 
The fear of being alone and sober was a big one for me too. I had the idea that it would be terrifying - and it was initially but once I pushed through with it I fiound that I didn't hate myself as much as I thought or mind my own company as ,uch as I thought I might.
The fear of being alone was much MUCH great than the reality.
That was my experience anyway
That being said, there's always someone online here, so none of us is never truly alone.
I'm glad you found us - come and post and intro in the newcomers forum as well - more response that way
D
The fear of being alone and sober was a big one for me too. I had the idea that it would be terrifying - and it was initially but once I pushed through with it I fiound that I didn't hate myself as much as I thought or mind my own company as ,uch as I thought I might.
The fear of being alone was much MUCH great than the reality.
That was my experience anyway
That being said, there's always someone online here, so none of us is never truly alone.
I'm glad you found us - come and post and intro in the newcomers forum as well - more response that way
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome, Itsgoingtobeok.
I found volunteering an excellent way to both meet and help people. Maybe an animal shelter, Salvation Army, a local hospital? You never have to be alone and giving back is very rewarding.
Some other things you can do is take up a hobby (whatever interests you), maybe join a gym, take a class?
Oh, and how you feel is never "stupid", your feelings are valid.
Keep posting, you've joined a wonderful warm community.
I found volunteering an excellent way to both meet and help people. Maybe an animal shelter, Salvation Army, a local hospital? You never have to be alone and giving back is very rewarding.
Some other things you can do is take up a hobby (whatever interests you), maybe join a gym, take a class?
Oh, and how you feel is never "stupid", your feelings are valid.
Keep posting, you've joined a wonderful warm community.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 136
I've searched for friendship...I think that's why I've gone on many binges....partly because I wanted the "next drink" then partly because I'm searching for someone or something to make me happy...I never really had true friendships that didn't involve alcohol...I enjoy writing here because I feel people want to do the right thing and are striving to be better than they once were! Good luck to everyone
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 1,742
This is a good topic, thanks for starting it.
I felt alone even when I wasn't alone. In recovery I'm discovering how overblown my expectations were for companionship and friendship.
It completely overwhelmed me. I didn't understand the concept of give and take.
There was no "easy does it".
Every interaction, it seemed, was fraught with anxiety and tension (people-pleasing, putting on a show, etc.), even toward my closest family members. Alcohol to the rescue.
But alcohol couldn't help me solve the aloneness, the apartness, I felt. And no amount of human contact could do it for me, either.
Only following a program of recovery has helped me. It's taken patient sober time for me to find a balanced place of being okay with who I am in relation to myself, firstly, and then, to being okay with who I am in relation to others.
I felt alone even when I wasn't alone. In recovery I'm discovering how overblown my expectations were for companionship and friendship.
It completely overwhelmed me. I didn't understand the concept of give and take.
There was no "easy does it".
Every interaction, it seemed, was fraught with anxiety and tension (people-pleasing, putting on a show, etc.), even toward my closest family members. Alcohol to the rescue.
But alcohol couldn't help me solve the aloneness, the apartness, I felt. And no amount of human contact could do it for me, either.
Only following a program of recovery has helped me. It's taken patient sober time for me to find a balanced place of being okay with who I am in relation to myself, firstly, and then, to being okay with who I am in relation to others.
Last edited by Carpathia; 12-22-2017 at 06:57 AM. Reason: rewording
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