3 years and I'm back - back on the path of recovery
 

It's been over 3 years since I've been here on SR. I was sober for 4 months and life was looking less grim. But unfortunately I relapsed - that one drink (which I thought I could control) turned into two and kept on multiplying.

I'm currently dealing with the wreckage (issues with health, legal, personal - the list is long) of the past 3 years and finding myself here again to find some renewed hope. I'm so broken, a wailing of the soul. The voices in my head torment me. Feeling so hopeless.

One thing I know for certain though is that I do not want to drink ever again. What I'm not certain about is the "how" to never drink again and to clear the wreckage of my past (especially the past 3 years).

I finally (and honestly this time) admit to my alcoholism. I started going to AA meetings and have a sponsor. Today is my 66th day of sobriety. Yet the fear of that first drink still haunts me as I know what it can do to me. I can't hit rock bottom (again).

Back on the path of recovery has been extremely difficult. How can I regain something that is lost? Will life be whole again? Where do I begin?

Any words of hope you can share about your path of recovery (the second, third ... time around) is much appreciated.

Welcome back rebuildinglife :)

I'd start by looking at what you did last time - what more did you need?
what could you have done differently or better?

what are you prepared to do now to stay sober?

that kind of thing? :)

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Welcome back, rebuildinglife! :)

I can't give you any answers myself because today was a wake up call for me... I just wanted to say that your post inspires me!

If you can do it I believe I can too!

You can regain your sobriety by not picking up that first drink ever again. Break it down to 1 minute at a time if you need to,

You can make your life whole again. Rebuild it with like minded friends who are clean and sober. Recover your dignity and live your life doing the next right thing, every day!

Step 1 is the starting point. Admit to yourself that you are an alcoholic and do what your sponsor says. Always remember that 'half measures availed us nothing'.... you need to work the program to the best of your ability with rigorous honesty. Don't hold back or you risk relapse again.

You CAN get sober again!

The truth is, even if you had never drank three years ago, today you could still not regain what existed then. In that sense "Recovery" is a misleading term. The point is not to regain the past - it is to gain a better today. The way to do that? Don't drink, and make small changes for a better today. If you make that a daily habit, at some point you will realize that you have a life full of blessings you never imagined, far greater than the things you initially hoped to "regain."

Congratulations on 66 days, that is no small miracle. Think about that miracle when you lay your head down tonight, and wake up tomorrow grateful for another opportunity to grow and make the world just a little bit better from you being in it.

Good luck, you are doing fine!

First things First.. congrats on 66 days of sobriety! :You_Rock_
for me it's still a One day at a time deal.. AA has helped me Greatly! if i have any wisdom to offer (and i hope i do) it is to always ALWAYS get to those Meetings. going to ANY Length means different things to different people.. for ME it means Making those Damn meetings... theres almost always another Alcoholic at those things i can talk to. :grouphug:

AA meetings say to you that you aren't alone
So friends will help you unconditionally
Second I think you need to have a fear about drinking again in relation to physical well being
Liver damage will kill you

Rebuilding- coming back and trying again and having 66 days (at that time) is great- and I hope you have been able to move forward in the knowledge that you are strong and able to win this fight.

Welcome bk

Nice to meet you friend

Welcome back! Reading your post was a stark reminder of how much pain alcohol inflicts on us.

My advice is to stay open minded and listen closely to others who have been through it all before. One of the things you will hear often is that it gets easier. I had difficulty believing that but its actually true! Just try not to get too complacent, that can catch you off guard, keep actively working on your sobriety and you will be fine.

Hope to see you around in here, you're doing great :scoregood

Great Rebuildinglife. I was off the alcohol for 13 years and slipped several times with that dark pit, physically and emotionally not far away. I am 24 days into my own "recovery" or whatever we want to call it..it doesn't matter what you and I refer to it as...!..we know what we mean. Well done.
Looking forward to my 66th day. I too have gone back to AA and the meetings are a must...Im also scared which is a "help".

Glitz, great job on 24 days!! :)