3 years and I'm back - back on the path of recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-02-2014, 11:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6

3 years and I'm back - back on the path of recovery


It's been over 3 years since I've been here on SR. I was sober for 4 months and life was looking less grim. But unfortunately I relapsed - that one drink (which I thought I could control) turned into two and kept on multiplying.

I'm currently dealing with the wreckage (issues with health, legal, personal - the list is long) of the past 3 years and finding myself here again to find some renewed hope. I'm so broken, a wailing of the soul. The voices in my head torment me. Feeling so hopeless.

One thing I know for certain though is that I do not want to drink ever again. What I'm not certain about is the "how" to never drink again and to clear the wreckage of my past (especially the past 3 years).

I finally (and honestly this time) admit to my alcoholism. I started going to AA meetings and have a sponsor. Today is my 66th day of sobriety. Yet the fear of that first drink still haunts me as I know what it can do to me. I can't hit rock bottom (again).

Back on the path of recovery has been extremely difficult. How can I regain something that is lost? Will life be whole again? Where do I begin?

Any words of hope you can share about your path of recovery (the second, third ... time around) is much appreciated.
rebuildinglife is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to rebuildinglife For This Useful Post:
24hrsAday (12-03-2014), CAPTAINZING2000 (12-05-2014), Della1968 (01-10-2015), DoPerdition (12-06-2014), erfra7 (01-07-2015), GabrielleSolis1 (01-25-2015), Mac1 (12-23-2014), Opivotal (12-03-2014), RevivingOphelia (12-03-2014), rika (12-20-2014), Rina (01-26-2015), seasky (12-14-2014), sleepie (01-19-2015), ubntubnt (12-02-2014)
Old 12-03-2014, 12:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
Moderator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 172,047
Blog Entries: 1
Welcome back rebuildinglife

I'd start by looking at what you did last time - what more did you need?
what could you have done differently or better?

what are you prepared to do now to stay sober?

that kind of thing?

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
24hrsAday (12-03-2014), Mac1 (12-23-2014), Opivotal (12-03-2014), seasky (12-14-2014)
Old 12-03-2014, 12:10 AM   #3 (permalink)
Moderator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 172,047
Blog Entries: 1
.
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
24hrsAday (12-03-2014)
Old 12-03-2014, 04:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Opivotal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 33,339
.
Opivotal is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Opivotal For This Useful Post:
24hrsAday (12-03-2014)
Old 12-03-2014, 04:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Opivotal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 33,339
Welcome back, rebuildinglife!
Opivotal is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Opivotal For This Useful Post:
24hrsAday (12-03-2014)
Old 12-03-2014, 04:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 41
I can't give you any answers myself because today was a wake up call for me... I just wanted to say that your post inspires me!

If you can do it I believe I can too!
Path2Recovery is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Path2Recovery For This Useful Post:
24hrsAday (12-03-2014), Mac1 (12-23-2014), Opivotal (12-04-2014)
Old 12-03-2014, 04:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
as a sober contributor
 
Hope4Life's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,313
Quote:
Originally Posted by rebuildinglife View Post
How can I regain something that is lost? Will life be whole again? Where do I begin?
You can regain your sobriety by not picking up that first drink ever again. Break it down to 1 minute at a time if you need to,

You can make your life whole again. Rebuild it with like minded friends who are clean and sober. Recover your dignity and live your life doing the next right thing, every day!

Step 1 is the starting point. Admit to yourself that you are an alcoholic and do what your sponsor says. Always remember that 'half measures availed us nothing'.... you need to work the program to the best of your ability with rigorous honesty. Don't hold back or you risk relapse again.

You CAN get sober again!
__________________
Ever had the feeling you've been here before?
Drinking down the poison the way you were taught
Ever thought from here on in your life begins
And all you knew was wrong? - Steven Wilson

Join the Chat Room meetings every Tuesday and Friday at 6PM PST/9PM EST (US).
Hope4Life is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Hope4Life For This Useful Post:
24hrsAday (12-03-2014), Mac1 (12-23-2014), Opivotal (12-04-2014), rebuildinglife (12-04-2014)
Old 12-03-2014, 06:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Eddiebuckle's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 1,568
Quote:
Originally Posted by rebuildinglife View Post
Back on the path of recovery has been extremely difficult. How can I regain something that is lost? Will life be whole again? Where do I begin?
The truth is, even if you had never drank three years ago, today you could still not regain what existed then. In that sense "Recovery" is a misleading term. The point is not to regain the past - it is to gain a better today. The way to do that? Don't drink, and make small changes for a better today. If you make that a daily habit, at some point you will realize that you have a life full of blessings you never imagined, far greater than the things you initially hoped to "regain."

Congratulations on 66 days, that is no small miracle. Think about that miracle when you lay your head down tonight, and wake up tomorrow grateful for another opportunity to grow and make the world just a little bit better from you being in it.

Good luck, you are doing fine!
Eddiebuckle is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Eddiebuckle For This Useful Post:
24hrsAday (12-03-2014), Artful (01-13-2015), beach20 (12-25-2014), Mac1 (12-23-2014), Opivotal (12-04-2014), rebuildinglife (12-04-2014), ShineLove (12-07-2014)
Old 12-03-2014, 06:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
24hrsAday's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,602
Quote:
Originally Posted by rebuildinglife View Post
It's been over 3 years since I've been here on SR. I was sober for 4 months and life was looking less grim. But unfortunately I relapsed - that one drink (which I thought I could control) turned into two and kept on multiplying.

I'm currently dealing with the wreckage (issues with health, legal, personal - the list is long) of the past 3 years and finding myself here again to find some renewed hope. I'm so broken, a wailing of the soul. The voices in my head torment me. Feeling so hopeless.

One thing I know for certain though is that I do not want to drink ever again. What I'm not certain about is the "how" to never drink again and to clear the wreckage of my past (especially the past 3 years).

I finally (and honestly this time) admit to my alcoholism. I started going to AA meetings and have a sponsor. Today is my 66th day of sobriety. Yet the fear of that first drink still haunts me as I know what it can do to me. I can't hit rock bottom (again).

Back on the path of recovery has been extremely difficult. How can I regain something that is lost? Will life be whole again? Where do I begin?

Any words of hope you can share about your path of recovery (the second, third ... time around) is much appreciated.
First things First.. congrats on 66 days of sobriety!
for me it's still a One day at a time deal.. AA has helped me Greatly! if i have any wisdom to offer (and i hope i do) it is to always ALWAYS get to those Meetings. going to ANY Length means different things to different people.. for ME it means Making those Damn meetings... theres almost always another Alcoholic at those things i can talk to.
__________________
"We Realize We Know Only a Little. God Will Constantly Disclose More To You and to Us" BB 1st Edition p.164
24hrsAday is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to 24hrsAday For This Useful Post:
Mac1 (12-23-2014), Opivotal (12-04-2014), rebuildinglife (12-04-2014)
Old 12-09-2014, 04:13 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2
AA meetings say to you that you aren't alone
So friends will help you unconditionally
Second I think you need to have a fear about drinking again in relation to physical well being
Liver damage will kill you
AstaHugo is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to AstaHugo For This Useful Post:
GLitz22 (01-02-2015), Mac1 (12-23-2014)
Old 12-23-2014, 06:55 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
VikingGF's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Boston, MA.
Posts: 1,413
Blog Entries: 5
Rebuilding- coming back and trying again and having 66 days (at that time) is great- and I hope you have been able to move forward in the knowledge that you are strong and able to win this fight.
__________________
"So you have all this patience for others but none for yourself." P.L.

"I hope." -Red

"Everyone has their sack of rocks." -Elaine Stritch

"Life doesn't get easier when you walk away from the culture of drink; you simply live it with more lucidity." - Pete Hamill
VikingGF is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to VikingGF For This Useful Post:
Mac1 (12-23-2014), Opivotal (12-23-2014)
Old 12-23-2014, 11:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
2K19
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 66,385
Blog Entries: 4
Welcome bk

Nice to meet you friend
Soberwolf is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Soberwolf For This Useful Post:
Opivotal (12-23-2014)
Old 12-23-2014, 02:39 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Mac1's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 289
Welcome back! Reading your post was a stark reminder of how much pain alcohol inflicts on us.

My advice is to stay open minded and listen closely to others who have been through it all before. One of the things you will hear often is that it gets easier. I had difficulty believing that but its actually true! Just try not to get too complacent, that can catch you off guard, keep actively working on your sobriety and you will be fine.

Hope to see you around in here, you're doing great
Mac1 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Mac1 For This Useful Post:
Opivotal (12-23-2014)
Old 01-02-2015, 10:59 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
GLitz22's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Warwickshire
Posts: 32
Blog Entries: 3
Great Rebuildinglife. I was off the alcohol for 13 years and slipped several times with that dark pit, physically and emotionally not far away. I am 24 days into my own "recovery" or whatever we want to call it..it doesn't matter what you and I refer to it as...!..we know what we mean. Well done.
Looking forward to my 66th day. I too have gone back to AA and the meetings are a must...Im also scared which is a "help".
GLitz22 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to GLitz22 For This Useful Post:
Opivotal (01-02-2015)
Old 01-02-2015, 12:25 PM   #15 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Opivotal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 33,339
Glitz, great job on 24 days!!
Opivotal is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:48 PM.