Do you think self-identifying as an addict is detrimental to recovery
 

Reading many threads & comments here, including the 'normies' threads in the family forums, there seems to be a strong culture of 'us vs them' in regards to addicts vs non-addicts. In some instances it seems like it's almost worn as a badge of honor by some.

Not only do I not want to consider myself something apart from normal, I don't think doing so would be accurate. Nor do I think seeing myself as abnormal would be conducive to improvement.

Some of us are certainly predisposed to such behavior, but IMO addiction is something that can claim nearly anyone. And 'normal' people... they have their problems too, and they have problems dealing with their problems. Just like us.

I'm curious what other people's thoughts are. But personally - I see myself as being just as normal as anyone else. Like any other human on this planet, I have my own set of problems that I have to work through. My problems may be different from Joe Blows, but that doesn't make him any more normal than me.

Hi,
I think that the 12-step programs promote the concept of "addictive thinking" and, certainly, in rehab, I met many folks that thought very similarly to me as far as drugs and alcohol were concerned.
So, although, I am a "normal" person (hopefully lol), I am very prone to drug, alcohol, and in general, pleasure seeking behaviors. Does that make me an addict? Don't care what label anyone puts on me. I know that if drugging and drinking were safe and had no negative consequences, I'd probably be doing either one (or both) pretty regularly!

Take care,
PJ
sobriety date 12/28/2011

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm proud of it......acceptance is a part of my recovery.

I agree with Spawn. I don't broadcast it to the masses, but I do identify myself as an alcoholic in recovery. It is not detrimental (for me) at all.

Normal people don't drink. The idea that only 'alcoholics' do not drink, and that 'normies' must drink is an inversion.

Worldwide Lifetime Alcohol Abstention

There have been some fierce brawls here with the "us versus them" stuff coming out all ugly and like a bar-room brawl, the moderators come in, break it up and send everyone to bed.
The thing I learned right after throwing a chair through the window was that the people who live with alcoholics, or grew up with alcoholic parents are HURTING.
And the alcoholics who are really quite sensitive, are hurt by some of the things they read.
As the moderators say, sometimes it is better to stop reading and move on. Or, at least, take a walk around the block, cool off and then try and comment in a non-confrontational, kind way. Or, don't comment and keep walking.

Same goes for when you see a post and you feel like screaming at the poster for being an idiot or want to just tell them to get real or whatever. Leave cooler heads deal, and go to the Arcade section and play bejewelled for a half hour. (OK, the mods don't really say "go play bejewelled", but you get the idea.

I hate it when people use the word "normies" or "earthlings" to refer to those that don't abuse alcohol or drugs. I do however believe that it is import for me to self identify as an alcoholic.

I'm both a recovering addict, and I'm a codependent...spent decades with A's, turned to drugs to deal with it, and am STILL dealing with family members, who I love dearly, but are active in their addiction.

I don't tell EVERYONE that I'm an RA, but I'm back in school and have let a few classmates and instructors know (the question of "why aren't you a nurse anymore" kept coming up, and I felt confident with those few to tell the truth...I've gotten nothing but support).

I live in a house with an active A (stepmom), an enabler/codie dad, and a niece who has been severely affected by addiction...she's 18 and 2 months pregnant.

I work my addiction and codie recoveries every day. When I slip into the family drama, I come here and get re-grounded.

I've been told I don't need to reveal my past to everyone, and I don't...however, when I feel safe enough with the person, I do. I've met many other RA's and F&F by doing so, and it's always been a positive experience.

I consider my addiction as a chapter in my life that is closed, as long as I continue to work my recovery. However, I'm willing to share MY experience with selected people. I'm not that person any more..got 5 years in recovery, and am still digging out of the whole that I dug myself into. I'm still dealing with consequences, but I have faith that at some time, I will get past them.

I would have never thought that admitting my past to my car insurance agent (try explaining a totaled car, two cars "stolen" (read rented out) in 6 months would lead to her saying "I need to talk to you...my son is using meth". I will forever reach out when I'm comfortable, but I also have to remember than I'm not the person I was and I don't have to tell everyone.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I'm not a fan of us vs them either in ANY situation, but I can see where the encouragement to consider ourselves as 'different' comes from. I think there's a fear that if we consider ourselves as 'normal', then we may convince ourselves that we can go back to drinking like 'normal' people. In that sense, we may have to constantly remind ourselves that we simply can't drink 'normally' like 'normal' people do.

But yeah, generally speaking I don't like to think of myself like a leper or anything. TU is right - 'normal' should not be equated to drinking, although that's what everyone tends to do.

I'm a human being with the disease of alcoholism. I'm no different from any other human being walking on this planet.

Maybe addict isn't a useful word because no one wants to be one. It really seems to be a fine line between 'normal' and 'alcoholic' and seeing as 'only you can decide if you have a problem' you can decide for yourself. People in AA are going to call themselves addicts and people using AVRT aren't. Each to their own. Personally I don't know/haven't decided yet. But I do know that there's no such thing as 'normal'. Everyone has their own demons to fight but it does seem that alcohol and drugs have more negative consequences than most bad habits.

Well if I am an addict that means I am prone to addiction, where Jane Doe next door may not be but maybe she has other issues to overcome....what I find interesting is when a person will say it frequently to explain their behaviors that are not related. Example; "I left the groceries sitting on the counter at the store. I'm such a fricken addict". A close friend of mine did this for the first year or two of his clean time, has since ceased doing it, is clean about four years. It was some sort of major self identifying phase, don't know! but used to make me a little nutz.

What I feel confused about is I don't feel I'm an alcoholic, inasmuch as I don't feel different to any other person who drinks too much and if anyone drinks too much it can get hold of you and cause you problems. As i don't feel "different"from the next person then theoretically I have nothing to recover from.but I will say that if I drink too much it causes me no end of problems, like it does anybody else.

Acceptance isn't easy.....the trick isn't to get too hung up on words like addict or alcoholic but to move onto addressing the underlining issues that drive us to use or drink.

For me I had to go back as far as my childhood......I was abused mentally and physically by my mother and I had to come to terms with all those hurtful negative feelings.......
between AA and addiction counseling I was able to allow that inner child to grieve and heal.

Lifestyle changes meant learning to stay away from unhealthy people, places, and things.

It's hard to fly like an eagle if your surrounded by turkeys!

"It's hard to fly like an eagle if your surrounded by turkeys!"

I love that saying.
I had that on my pencil-case in school!
LOL, maybe I wasn't so dumb after all.:lmao

Do you think self-identifying as an addict is detrimental to recovery

No, I think it's necessary for my recovery. I thought I was "normal" for too long and the consequences only got worse.

I know who I am today and what my problem is; and for this, I am grateful.

identifying as an addict is important to me because it is a small reminder of what life holds for me if i decide that i can use again. Sure , my life is big now [16 yrs clean] but i have been around long enough to see others who have decided that they can/should use/drink again. So far the results have been ugly/deadly. So i'll keep using that i.d. 'trick' as another reinforcement ...

I also see enough obsessive /compulsive behavior - and i can't say its necessarily my "addict" - but its still a bit unnerving. So its kinda comforting to throw that "addict thinking" label on it - means i 'm gonna have to look at that area of my life too. [sigh]

What i HAVE seen happen - folk get caught up in a 'junkie pride' mode [yes, yours truly as well] might be from wanting to be a Part of Something ... might be leftover 'drug ritual ' thinking. and it could have a lot to do with the romance of the outlaw life... So yeah- many of us grow out of that stage.

THere is no shame in being an alcoholic, or an addict, or whatever.

Everyone is addicted to something. It's details, I had an addiction to a psyche med, I got off it and spent alot of time blaiming my doctor for addciting me to it. Took no responsibilty for my own recovery, once I admitted to myself I was an addcit, my recovery was a lot easier.

It's semantics, I personally don't care. If you do something everyday, and it has a big effect on your family, your friends , you life, it's addcition or a problem or an issue. Unfortunately when you are the only participating in the behavior, it does somehow become you against them.



The hurt that addcition causes the people who love you is unreal.

I self-identify as an alcoholic. I don't carry a banner around proclaiming my status as a man addicted to alcohol but I don't really try to hide it for a couple reasons;
- Acceptance. This is the primary step in sustaining my recovery. I accept that drinking will bring disaster into my life.
- Support and oversight. My support network extends beyond AA. My family and friends know that I've made a commitment to not drink and I know I'm an alcoholic and may... probably will... okay, already have felt the temptation to "just have one or two" because who'd know. I've made it so that somebody will know, and will make sure I know that they know. We're a very knowledgeable lot.
- My personal statement of responsibility. I do take seriously the effort other people, AAs and non-AAs, have undertaken to help me get, and stay, sober. Maybe a friend, or a friend of a friend, or a child of a friend, has a problem with alcohol or addiction. I believe it's incumbent upon me to share what I've been given. "I want the hand of A.A to always be there, and for that I am responsible."

I'm goin to tread really carefully here...

I posted one of the threads that Hollyanne's referencing above. Dee shut that thread down, and I can see that he edited some of what she posted above. I don't want to re-open it.

Clear?

...I don't see addicts vs non-addicts. I didn't see our thread as being a brawl at all, but a group of people wanting to understand, and "telling us it was time to go to bed" were my words of thanks to Dee.

I do see some stereotyping and misinformation. I am an alcoholic. It's not a badge of honour, but it is something that I am. Admitting to it means that some people have preconceptions about me that can be hard to deal with. And, yeah, it bugs me to know that some people don't consider me to be normal, and to know that I've done things to earn their classification of me.

I'm not proud of being an alcoholic, and I've only told a couple of people I'm in recovery. I hope I tell more people as time goes on.

But all that's complicated. You asked whether self-identifying is important? It's ten to one in the afternoon here. If I hadn't identified myself as an alcoholic I'd be w&nkered by now.

'Not only do I not want to consider myself something apart from normal, I don't think doing so would be accurate. Nor do I think seeing myself as abnormal would be conducive to improvement.'

Then the right thing is to not do that until you see it differently.

Instead of addict or alcoholic, why not use the words that you were comfortable using during your lifetime before last December for those conditions, and just go with that instead?

I appreciate all the input & responses.

Allow me to expand on my initial post.

I certainly believe that being honest with yourself regarding your addiction to be necessary to recovery. Mandatory, really. You can't fix a problem you don't admit exists. But that's not exactly where I was going with this.

In my opinion, having & maintaining a positive attitude - believing that you can achieve what you set out to do - is critical for success in any arena. With addicts, you're often dealing with people who from the start don't have the best self-image or much confidence in themselves. It just seems to me that the mindset that one is substantially different from 'normal' people would only work to further undermine one's confidence and self-image, thereby undermining their efforts. Human beings aren't meant to operate in isolation. Feeling different from everyone else, IMO, isn't conducive to healing. I also see plenty of potential for using the idea as an excuse for returning to one's drug of choice... "I can't help myself! I'm not normal!".

What's been of great aid to me, in my struggle, is to focus on exactly the opposite line of thought. That I AM normal. That there are TONS of people out there that have substance abuse problems. That such problems could affect anyone given the right set of circumstances. That substance abuse, at its core, centers around natural biological responses & drives. And if other people manage life without engaging in self-destructive, drug-seeking behavior, then so can I. That's empowering - not isolating.

It's worth mentioning that I don't consider the 'social drinker' as being normal. We like to pick out people who don't share our problems and see them as trouble free, which of course is far from the truth. What about the cheaters, who often destroy their families & careers driven by their biological desires? What about the obese, hooked on the feel-good chemicals their own bodies produce in response to their self-destructive eating habits. How about the businessman who avoids dealing with his unhappiness by working himself into the grave? I could come up with countless examples, but you don't have to look very far into the world of 'normal' to see that their problems are alot like ours once you look past the surface.

I think the bottom line is you should do whatever works for you. But the whole 'I'm different from everyone else, powerless to change my life mantra' doesn't work for me. Instead, I look to other 'normal' people who have addressed long-standing issues in their lives & come out on top.

For me, it's actually very simple. I never drink or get high, and I don't give a **** what anyone else thinks about it. :)

Nicely put GrowingDaily.

First off, it is not abnormal to be sick or afflicted with a malady. It is an entirely normal part of the human experience. It is worth noting also that 'normal' and 'unique' are not the same exceptions to the rules you speak of.

Secondly, this 'badge of honor' you speak of, as I've seen and experienced it? This is more a condition that results from spectacular relief and gratitude. Relief in having survived something truly horrible - not unlike someone who's survived being lost at sea, made it through a viscous assault or maybe an earthquake, with their cahones intact. The feelings that come once a drunk has beaten back that bottle, once we know full well that we've effectively saved our own life, it becomes no smaller or less significant than having survived any other 'worst case scenarios' life can throw at us.

I say this from experience, having survived a few real-world catastrophes of my own. To take one as an example; what I feel today knowing I am sober against all odds, it hits the same spot in my heart as when I finally landed at the Singapore airport from Phuket. I had watched 40 ft tsunami waves coming straight at me, and watched many, many people die - some only a few feet from my position. At that time I had no doubts that I would be dead in seconds, no illusions that I was to survive, and yet survive I did. Today, it feels NO different to me having survived that tsunami - to my surviving alcoholism. Before I hit my alcoholic bottom I knew full well I was gonna die just the same as if I ended up under the ocean sucking in sea water. The same life flashed before my eyes in both circumstances, and the same peril was ever present and looming large. Therefore, the same visible gratitude is present in me now.

Yeah, I guess some can look at a recovered addict's attitude and call it 'badge of honor' mentality. I'd describe it more as an exquisite joy borne from incredible relief. One could even mistake it as prideful, but I don't think that's accurate. Pride is insignificant when thinking of what some of us have clawed our way back from. Thing is, whatever the applied term, it all leads down the same road to the same destination. Surviving alcoholism/addiction is just as meaningful to some as any other perilous and life threatening situation - and it leaves good reason for being inflated with, for lack of a better word, honor.

You speak of "identifying as an addict". In my experience, "identifying" as an addict was not even a question, it was as obvious as sunlight. That I was different from other folks where drinking is concerned was absolutely elementary. My identifying with this never harmed nor helped. It was something that just... was... much the same as noticing my clothes getting soaked as I walk in the rain. To not identify as an alcoholic after a certain point would have been delusional.

Sure normal people have issues, as I do, but they don't have alcoholic issues, as I do. Therein lies the difference. Their dot.com stocks go bust, as do ours, but they don't drink themselves to death over it, whereas we tend to do just that. Their family struggles can become overwhelming - as can ours - but they deal with it differently simply because drinking is the farthest thing from their minds when struggle occurs. Drinking (to get drunk) is NOT a part of conflict resolution for normal folks. However, drinking (to get drunk) is one of the FIRST things that comes to an alcoholics mind given to any stimuli.

And yes, it is completely accurate to say we are markedly similar to the man who works himself to death, or the woman who eats herself into a coma, e.t.c..., they/we are all people with unique and problematic conditions. Having said that, most 'disorders' of that nature are quite effectively treated with cognitive based therapy, medications, psychiatry, e.t.c... There is a great deal of quantifiable evidence available to show such success. However alcoholism has historically proven elusive and much harder to treat than those in the examples you provided, when given to the same therapies. Which is why, like it or not, we are somewhat separated in this thing.

Also worth noting that not everyone who drinks chronically (in excess) becomes an alcoholic, but there are those who may not drink at all, yet once they make a choice to drink they display alcoholic behavior immediately. This is another inherent difference in pathology that allows for the "us vs them" paradigm to manifest.

Like it or not, identify with it or not, if you are alcoholic the differences are significant and glaring, between the array of problems we face and the problems others face. Notice I said 'difference'. That's certainly not to say folks with alcoholism/addiction are better or worse, more normal or less normal, having more or less struggles, or that we're some sort of special kind of sick. It's just that the differences are there, they are documented, and such differences are unique to alcoholism/addiction.

GD, If you have the same condition I have, yet it makes more sense for you NOT to identify yourself as "different", just don't bother with such distinctions. They make no difference anyway, unless it affects your self esteem in some way. Simple enough. Who cares what anyone thinks about it anyway? People are entirely overrated. Trust me on that.

Dress it down or up, whatever works... works. But adjusting for that, there are certain hallmarks, certain sets of physiological conditions that come in step with progressive alcoholic behavior. These conditions are not present in those absent the issue. And no, alcoholism does not happen to everyone just by drinking enormous amounts of booze. It doesn't help, but it's not the definitive course of action. Alcoholism occurs exclusively in people with a propensity for it, and is ignored by people without such a propensity.

You can come to believe your entirely normal, and that is perfectly fine if it helps to keep you from drinking. I'm here to tell you that if you are an alcoholic like I was you are not normal. But guess what? You're also not abnormal. You're simply a person, like many of us here, afflicted with a unique set of circumstances, and as such there are unique treatments available.

That was an amazing post, Peter. Thank you.

Although in general we are talking about the utility (or lack thereof) of labels, I think the issue of identifying as an "addict" or "alcoholic" is a different one from the "normal" vs. "abnormal" question.

For some, self-labeling as an addict or alcoholic--for years after the drinking or drugging has ceased--is apparently helpful. I have not personally found it so--for me, there's just nothing positive or helpful about continual identification with a problem I left behind during the Clinton administration--but I get that others feel differently.

The "normal" vs. "abnormal" thing, though...well, I think that's almost universally problematic because it's inherently divisive. If somebody's "normal" well then somebody's not, setting up all kinds of black/white, us/them thinking, and the dreaded "normies just don't understand" wherein it's actually BAD to be "normal".

Wait a second. The arcade section has bejewelled? I am SO there. Woot!

Interesting post GrowingDaily. You do have me thinking as some of the points you make resonate well with me. Its unnecessary for me to publicly identify as an addict. I will admit in forms like this that I am an addict. Except now I'm thinking it would be better to just say 'I used to have a problem with alcohol/drugs' as I'm more than a past dope fiend.

We have an arcade section???