This is very true .. and not only because of relationship issues.

I had been sober for two months, a somewhat inconvienient thing came up
in my life, and I reached for the beer. "I'll just drink one night, I'll do it 'responsibly, I'll be in control."


:a043:

Ugh.
So of course, I stayed drinking for six days, because I didn't want to face
my shame at drinking, or have to deal with sobering up.

Now not only is my situation still there, but I'm black-eyed and chipped toothed and really sore nosed, as well, still had to physically sober up,
and it's even -less- pleasant than it would have been if I'd done it
days ago.

Control, in addiction, I think personally, is a self-deception we use
to hang on to our addictions.

I wish you the best of luck, truely, but I would have to agree with most
other posters in thinking that the only control we can have over them
is absaining completely.

There's only two ways you can control substance abuse without completely giving it up. The first way is to use it socially and not become an addict. That would mean you're not an addict or an alcoholic. You either are or you aren't. If you're not an addict, you'll be able to socially use.

The second way is to be an addict or alcoholic and TEMPORARILY have it under control without completely giving it up. This could possibly last anywhere from weeks to even years in some cases. But eventually you will go back to out of control using if you are an addict or alcoholic.

In my case I knew I was an alcoholic for most of my using years, and I tried controlling it without completely giving it up. Each time I got away with it and didn't experience any severe consequences, the more I wanted to use. When I realized I could no longer safely drink, I would substitute drugs instead of alcohol. But eventually I would go back to my drug of choice, which was alcohol.

No man can serve 2 masters.

Sorry, I'm going to quote you on it anyway :) Those two quotes jumped out at me and I'd like to add my thoughts to the discussion.

First, I'm not sure I agree with the statement that substance abuse implies the presense of a personality disorder. I drank because it seemed to make whatever I was doing more fun. At first I didn't need it but at some point it crossed the line and became the prerequisite for fun. Had I kept drinking I'd be walking toward the next line where it would be the prerequisite for feeling normal. I think the abuse and addiction are the result of alcohol consumption. Self-medication is just one reason for the alcohol consumption. The phrase "correlation does not imply causality" jumps to mind.

Second, you mention "accomplishing my goal". I would be interested in hearing your measures for success as, like sobriety, its sounds like this is not a goal you reach, pat yourself on the back, and put behind you as a past accomplishment. For me my measure for success is not only the time I spend sober but also the lifestyle I am creating that allows me to remain sober. I would stop succeeding not when I drink again, but rather when I stop striving to improve that lifestyle.

What would your life look like when you accomplish your goal? Does another loss of control fit in to your plans? Is success a milestone or something you will be striving for on a continual basis?

well...it's just one guy's opinion...but I would suggest that until you do accomplish your PhD and become a psychologist, perhaps you should refrain from diagnosing anyone, including yourself. I agree that many people and probably all addicts use to self medicate on some level, but your statement about most of the population walking around with personality disorders that aren't realized, was pretty absurd.

That said, my intention is not to judge you or attack you. Your opinion is just as valid as anyone elses, however, I suggest you be more mindful about labeling your opinions "fact". The truth is less than 15% of the U.S population met standard diagnostic criteria for at least one personality disorder as defined in DSM-IV. However, I admit, this was the statistic in 2004-5. It may have changed.

I truly wish you all the best, my friend and I hope you accomplish all that you set out to do!!

Hello realisation88, hope things are going well for you. I tend to think along similar lines to you in alot of things. I tend to think that all humans have there problems (call them disorders if you like, but basically no-ones perfect and we all have our problems), and in my case I believe I started to drink too much to self medicate. The trouble is, once you become an alcoholic, once your drinking becomes out of control (even if its just now and then), then theres no going back, whether you have problems, character defects or not and you are in excellent mental health. I was told years ago that a cucumber can become a gherkin but you can't unpickle a gherkin back into a cucumber. In my experience this is true of alcoholism. Personally I find this a very disappointing situation, but thats the way it is. For a while I thought that perhaps I could be unique, even if it meant that I was the only person in the world to recover completely from alcoholism. Unfortunately I was wrong, I still haven't recovered. I am not about to set about trying to prove anything anymore. I just have to accept that I'm an alcoholic and I'll never stop being one.

I encourage you to manage your addictions before entering graduate school. It is highly stressful, competitive, and for the vast majority of the time you work independently leaving lots of open time to drink, etc. A dissertation also reintroduces a lot of unresolved issues (discipline, time management, procrastination, self-doubt, etc.) Take care of yourself, you have a lot to offer. The world of psychology needs more doctors who truly care and want to help their patients.

No one can pronounce you an alcoholic\addict. Even the Big Book tells us to diagnose ourselves at the local bar if we are not sure. If you can control it, hats off to ya. But if you are coming to these boards, you just may be.

I know I did not get to AA by taping a Major League Baseball game without the expressed written consent of the commissioner. I earned my plastic chair. I told myself "I could control it".

Then I saw Elvis with a flying pig. I have done all the research I need.

Since you already know what you can do, encouragement shouldn't be required...should it? And...I mean, why would you seek encouragement from addicts & alcoholics on a RECOVERY WEBSITE? I think you're barking up the wrong tree...especially since your mind is already made up.

Or is it?

I agree with Doug:

Yes I think you can do it. Try justing using once every other week. As long as you have a lot of will power, you'll be okay.

Tiburon

Interesting concept Tiburon. It may work for a problem drinker but will power is not something that works for the alcoholic. Alcoholism is not a disease of weak character, or lack of willpower. It is a progressive disease, similar to an allergy, it never gets better only progressively worse, even when we stop using the disease is still waiting there and if we pick up drinking again it is not long before we wind up worse than ever. This has been proven over and over by the alcoholic who has relapsed and returned.

Thank you nandm. The alcoholic's mind is as sick as his body...we have a physical allergy to alcohol that means we cannot stop once we start...we also have a mental obsession that this time it will be different.

Tiburon, you might contextualise your what I think to be v irresponsible comments with a)your length of clean/sober time and b) your quality of life and c) the program - if any - of recovery you use which would IMHO directly impact on a and b!

Alcoholism is a cunning baffling and powerful disease and it kills. Ignorance also kills.

My answer to the poster's question.

A resounding NO NO NO NO - but even if I could I would never swap the joy I have found in recovery.

OMG ... this does not bode well, hon! Rationalisation and...DENIAL - Don't Even Know I'm Lying...hope you come back and post on your experience...good or bad, although with the best will in the world I know where my bet would be. Pity :( :puppet


Cathy31
x

I made mention of this in a meeting the other night

Have you ever had anyone mention you've had too much to drink

A normal drinker isn't postin about drinking.

I was evaluated as a problem drinker. Usually when, drank there tended to be problems

I didn't take the time yet to read what was writeen but, we don't stop drinking forever just for today.

To the original topic starter: I don;t think I caught you telling what your drug of choice was?

This is just my personal opinion and I am sure some people will be angered by what I am saying but in my experience I have seen many of my friends be able to control there abuse of CERTAIN drugs ( benzos like xanax valium or ativan, and cocaine) but when it came to Heroin, Crack or Alcohol I have not seen 1 person (including myself) that has been able to moderate there use of either of these 3 drugs after being through addiction with one or more of those 3 substance.

Just my 2 cents, be safe,
Scott

Zactly.....

frstnm - it's so GOOD to see you back.

Just wanted you to know that. no Hijack intended.

been lurking, going to a boatload of meetings and focusing on sobritey

:c017:

Though I am on some meds too, I can say that all those feelings of fear, worthlessness, and not being adequate began to go away within 3 days of quitting.

I drank because I had those bad feelings. But the bad feelings were there because I drank. So, if I don't drink, I won't have those bad feelings.

So, there's no reason to drink.

Starting again, if you (like me) are a true addict, will only start the cycle over again. Get out of the cycle. Become the person you want to be.

You're delusional
 

I am no expert....but it seems to me that your rationalization that you can give this up at any time for as long as your want....screams of denial.

Good luck to you. Eventually....give yourself some time, you'll figure it out.

You are the most dangerous kind of alcoholic. You delude yourself and everyone around you that you've got it under control. And you do for awhile...and everyone believes you don't have a problem.

And then you crash. And the whole process starts over again.

Best wishes.