Help - Day 2 - meth
 

So, I've been reading SR posts every damn day for the last 2 weeks trying to prepare myself for what's in store for myself when I start to withdraw (Like I haven't done it 5 times before or anything).
But here I am, filled with anger and anxiety for no reason. I can't stand to hear anything. Everything annoys me right now. The dog walking across the room, my girlfriends folky music, the feeling of anything touching my skin, the sun, my glasses. But, I haven't let this get to me. A couple hours ago I was convinced that I was going to give in but I just can't.
I have been using everyday this past month and desperately need to stop because I am starting outpatient treatment on Tuesday. I've been using on and off this past year but used previously for a straight year. I have already lied to girlfriend about starting outpatient this past week, but it was Finals week and I just couldn't afford to stop yet… I knew if I had stopped last week- I would have been brain dead and unable to write the 7 different papers that I needed to accomplish. But, I said Friday was the last day and it has been so far.
I feel incredibly bad for lying to my girlfriend. I honestly don't lie to her about anything unless I'm trying to protect my drug use. I have never cheated, or stolen anything. I have money, a car, a savings account. No one knows or even suspects that I would abuse crystal meth.
But, the truth is… I love it. I love the high. Until I don't. Until my heart is pounding in bed, until my mouth is as dry as the desert. Until the shadows creep in and I have to convince myself they aren't real. Until I swear I'm about to blow my head off if I continue doing this.
I desperately need support. Just any positive reinforcement would help. I want to make it out of this. I'm looking forward to my last final being over on Tuesday and then Outpatient beginning. My parents are also flying out to see me graduate this weekend. I'm excited but overwhelmed. Anything would help, especially if it came from a fellow tweaker.

the crystal maze
 

welcome
I remember those days
hated the stuff but kept doing it anyway
it destroyed so many that I knew
about took away everything that I had also

the good news
many of those old friends of mine
are free today of the crystal maze of yesterday

these can also be days in which you only look back at
and say to yourself
thank God I was saved from all that

Mountainman

Thanks Mountainman - I see you have been sober since 2007. You're in an inspiration for me. Thanks again.

Welcome aboard megamillion :)
Meth was never my thing but I think regularly posting here can only help :)

D

Thanks for the welcome. Can anyone tell me any positive stories on their meth addictions. Please include relapses as well.

Hi mega and welcome.

I don't have a positive story in me right now but will conjure up something of support

You said you liked the buzz itself, but then eventually you are lying in bed and hating the feeling. Looking at shadows that aren't real seems like that is part of the buzz ... Just something to consider.

For me the lying about it is bothersome. I hate the lying about it. It weighs more and more as I lie more and more. Well after I got honest and told my wife I had a great lifting from that burden. It felt so good to be honest and it kept me clean for a few days. And I felt good about myself. I was back on life again. I had hope. Hope that I could be just myself and like it.

I have a positive story I was able to quit about 10 years ago. Personally I had to get to the point where I no longer enjoyed the high before I could work up to quitting. The withdrawls took almost 2 weeks but after that I never had another craving. Oddly, it was easier to quit than alcohol has been (I've made 3 serious attempts at quitting alcohol whereas meth only took one decision). Get through that withdrawal period and stay away from people who do it. I had to lose ALL my friends from that period of my life as well as move to a different state.

Here's a link you might want to read, I hope it helps and gives you some encouragement.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...wore-meth.html