Could this be a relapse after 3 years of clean time?
 

My boyfriend has three years of sobriety from meth and crack. He has been clean, although he does smoke weed, although he says it does not compare to the prior evils he endured with meth and cocaine. I have been concerned about the weed in the past, but am just thankful that he stays away from the other.

Last week he told me that a friend of his gave him an Oxycodone for his sore back. I questioned as to whether this was a good idea, and if he has a sore back perhaps he should seek medical attention rather than taking Oxy, which we know can be very addictive. He said... I am not a pill popper, it is one pill! He was a bit defensive. Later that evening I found 3 Oxy pills on his dresser. At that time I expressed again my concern with him and Oxy, due to the past addictions and the hell we have endured because of it. He went sideways angry. Very defensive. Told me he can take whatever he wants for a sore back if he wants. Take your own damn inventory, dont tell me what I can and cannot take. I have never been into pills, and taking drugs is a choice, and I am in control.

Ok, so I realize I should not, and can not control him, or tell him what to do, and normally I do not. However, does that not seem odd that he would get quite so defensive, does this sound like someone that is using again or heading down a path? It is really concerning to me, the reaction concerns me more than anything. Any comments would be greatly appreciated. I know nothing about Oxy.

I don't know anything about Oxy either, but I'd be concerned about his defensiveness and overall nastiness about it.

You might want to post this in our friends and family of substance abuse forum. You'll get a lot of support there. Welcome to SR!

Here's the link to our F&F forum:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/

hmmm three years of "clean time" smoking weed and now taking oxys. Wow, when exactly did "clean" get re-defined to be whatever we like it? I always thought clean was clean, I guess I'm just old fashioned.

not clean by any stretch of the imagination

[QUOTE=MelissaNoDrugs;2888740]hmmm three years of "clean time" smoking weed and now taking oxys. Wow, when exactly did "clean" get re-defined to be whatever we like it? I always thought clean was clean, I guess I'm just old fashioned.[/QUOTE

Yes, I agree. Clean means clean... and he smokes pot daily... not so clean. I suppose I am quoting what he considers 'clean' which is not using meth and cocaine, that almost killed him and destroyed his life. He always says he has 3 years clean time. He now holds a job, looks after his kids, and leads a more stable life, although not the ideal. I guess when I say this, in comparison to what took place, this looks 'clean' from hard drugs.

I know his life would be better without the weed, but I can not convince him of this and gave up long ago. However, I am concerned about this attitude with the oxy. It alarms me... I wont stay for this. I cant.

thats what they call the marijuana maintenance plan.

I was on the marijuana maintenance plan for almost 8 yrs...then graduated to the crack pipe. I didn't know addiction was progressive.

What does that mean? Like they maintain their addiction with marijuana to stay away from their DOC?

State of mind is the same then?

I hope you can hold onto that knowledge that you can't put yourself through this. If he does relapse and ruins your relationship, staying together won't help either of you. I'm concerned too... the defensive attitude, secretive behavior and marijuana dependence definitely point toward relapse. I've never taken oxy, but I know it's a very addictive narcotic. He's probably hesitant to go to a doctor for his back pain because if the doctor knows his addiction history, he'll probably be given a non-narcotic pain reliever.

Hi elainekay and welcome to SR!

You've stated that his clean time is based on not using the "hard drugs" (meth and cocaine). I just want you to know that Oxy is a hard drug. I'm willing to bet 100% that he is well aware of this.

Wishing you the best....

means they use weed to stay off (usually) alcohol..... or maybe
meth or crack or ....

alcoholics who boast being sober but use weed, (by most) are not considered sober.

Thank you... I appreciate your response and everyone that has helped with this.

Yes, knowing this about Oxy is what really concerns me. It has been three years since the other hard drugs went away. this oxy situation is brand new. I have never known him to take this in the past for any pain or anything. That is why he says it makes him mad that I would bring my concern to his attention, because he has never used pills. He actually told me that my even mentioning it confirms that I am crazy in the head. I dont see how that him never using pills makes any difference... very addictive drug, his history and demise was with other very addictive drugs. I hate to see him play Russian roulet. He cannot understand my concern and my even mentioning it has made him very angry. Yes, he is very aware of the addictive affects of Oxy. He has been to treatment multiple times, he knows people addicted to it, he knows what it does to you. That is why I question his defensive behavior and wonder if he has actually been abusing it, or is going to start abusing it. It appears to be this way, but I question my judgement because he says I am nuts for even being concerned.

Thanks so much for listening. Peace and light.... Kris

Yes, that is what he does. He says it keeps him from using the others.

Just another one name, hey?
 

I personally have done the pot plan, it does grow on you........ So to speak....I am not really sure what he is trying to put over on you but it is NOT working for me????

Sorry bout that, I just say it the way I see it and used to smoke it...........


I hope you keep talking to the people here, great insight and get yourself to a narc-anon meeting-they can help the loved ones of addicts. He sounds like one....is one....hmmmm

Many Blessings
Kahlia

My ex was very successful using pot to stay off of crack,,,until he wasn't. Oh, and popping a few pills didn't keep him off the crack either. And I can 't tell you how many times he told me that I was crazy for being concerned. I almost believed him,,,until I didn't.

Get some support, pm me if you want. I hope your story turns out better than mine.

Hugs~40

Using is using - whatever the substance. Oxys are incredibly addictive!!

the MM program doesn't work for me. After I get a buzz I start sayin "look.. stop playing around."

Congrats on your 25 months!! That is most awesome! :) I have heard nothing from my BF since the day this all went down. No contact at all, and I have stayed firm in not contacting him. It is really hard not to call him, but I now know ultimately what the outcome is, and there is nothing I can do for him. I think he would have contracted me if he wasnt abusing this. I think it is guilt, as you said. This is text book past pattern. He does not want me around if he is using, gets in the way I think. Breaks my heart, I love him, but I hate the process and how I have gotten caught up in it in the past. I can t stand to see him do this to himself, yet I can hardly stand to stay away too! I am staying strong though, thanks to people like you that confirm that it is the best thing to do. Keep on keeping on :) Its a wonderful thing you have done for yourself. Life is good when you keep it real! All best to you.

Oxy for a sore back? No. Ibuprofen for a sore back, maybe, but not oxy. Oxy for a high, pot for a high.

Keep yourself clean, keep yourself safe, concentrate on your own recovery.