So I took my extra time this morning from waking up so early to walk and pray to my higher power and to start writing on my first step. I will meet with my sponsor today after a meeting. Now that I can concentrate a little better I feel like I can share what happened. You know the justification I used to get high. It all started with my best friend getting terminal cancer (though he still is fighting strong today) I heard that news and it was super easy to start using. See this is actually my second relapse in 4 months. I detoxed after a month of using and stayed clean a month then went back again for the previous 2 months. Anywhoo on top of my BF getting sick my grandfather passed away, and at his funeral my family was told my 22 year old cousin killed herself using heroine. See addiction runs strong in my family. Me and my 4 cousins all party or partied very hard. Im the only one of us that has had some clean in my life. What im saying is I was close to my cuz and she was so damn young. How I used her dying to justify me using the same type of drug makes no sense in reteospect. I should of turned to the fellowship, and god. I dont deal well with loss. I need to learn to lean on the people who love me and my higher power. Today I cant come up with a justification to use. I cant sleep to good, Im shaky, sore, pissy, and I love it. I wouldnt have it any other way. My worst day clean is better than my best day using. Peace and love:)

Okay I geuss this is really happening. Tomorrow at noon it will be a week since the whole detox nightmare started. I cant believe its already been that long. thank you higher power. Peace and love. Man I'm tired. What a trip. I can't do that again. don't have it in me.

Hang On!!!!!! The best is yet to come. Keep moving forward, and the best thing you can do for your cousin who passed away, is to live your life clean and sober in her honor. By the way, I'm sorry to hear about your cousin and your Grandfather. I send you my condolences. That's a tragedy. I understand it all to well. My older brother died from a heroin overdose. It's a very painful reality. And addicition runs big time in my family too. Out of every 10 families, 9 of them have addiction. It's a fact, and it might not only be drugs, it might be alcohol, or food, or cigarettes. Addiction is Addiction. Addiction is more common than you think, and it's not a moral issue. I have no shame and I don't try to pretend that my family is perfect. I have faced the reality, and I am proud to be who I am, and proud of my family. I sure hope your feeling good today Video. Wishing you Peace and Love and alot of really great days ahead. Just hang on tight, and don't let your guard down.

I'm Proud of You, cause what your doing is some tough stuff. Be proud of yourself.
And avoid people, places and things, if you know what I mean. :tapping

You know angelic it's funny you mention that addiction is not a moral issue. I've been really beating myself up about this and at a meeting someone pointed out after I shared that I need to learn to blame my disease and not myself. That really gives us this new found freedom. You know? I'm not a bad guy I'm just sick. One week today:) can't believe how good I feel. Peace and love.

Yes we have a disease! But be careful not to fall back on that "word" as a relaspe reason! Our brains are wired to find all kinds of "reasons" to use. But on the flip flop side? Use that word "disease" as a reason to remind yourself. YOU can't take the chance to take just one pill. You and I both know where we'll end up. Back in HELL, fighting for the top of sanity again.

Take Care All.
Have a peaceful day.
Enjoy the life we are living today and the moment you stop to think about being clean! Smile and give yourself a little hug!

TOD

I completely understand TOD. It's just nice to know that it's all not my fault and there is something that me, god and NA can do about this disease.

Yep angelic I know exactly what you mean about people places and things.

One day at a time, and don't beat yourself up Videodrone. It is a disease. The first try is a choice, once the chemical is in your brain it becomes a disease that we cannot control. The thing is not to let your guard down. Don't think you can take a pill tonight, and then tomorrow you will go back to not using, cause it doesn't work that way. Put that garbage in your brain, and it's back to full blown addiction. The brain has a memory, and it never forgets the amount of opiates you used before giving it up. So, in other words, it's right back to the ridiculous dosage that we gave to ourselves. Square One.

WOW, :c029: Congratulations on a week of sobriety. You got past the hardest part already. That's awesome. Hang in there, and don't let your addiction trick you into using.
It's a very sneaky disease. The first year I was clean, I was thinking, I could go to the dentist, and say I have a tooth ache. I was still telling myself these things, and I didn't want to use. It's unbelievable how the addiction fights to stay alive.

Be Proud of yourself, and don't give up your clean time of 1 week for anything, or anyone. Love yourself first and most, and you will be capable of loving others.
Your on the right track.

Keep us posted.

Thnk u. Also sorry for the loss of your brother that way. I know how it feels to hear those awful words. I'm very proud that I have made it through this last week. There was definantley a HP at work cause there was times where I couldn't do it. I'm really working hard at this. I have cravings. I pray them away. I have a question. Did you get super hungry after the detox started to get better? These past few days I am just starving right after I eat. I can't eat enough and I'm a skinny guy. Peace and love:)

Goodness I'm hungry:) I just ate 2 1/2 hours ago.

LOL, The answer is YES. I gained a bit of weight the first year. But went back to normal after that. Your filling your void with food, and that's alright. When I was using I didn't eat breakfast, or lunch. I would wake up, take 2 vicodins. Lunchtime, take 2 vicodins. Snack time, take 2 vicodins. So Yes, I was hungry, and it's normal. Eat good nourishing foods. Fruits and veggies. Take a vitamin with breakfast. Just be careful. Don't get addiction transfer where you transfer your addiction from drugs to food. Be aware of what your doing. Everything in moderation. Addiction is really a compulsive behavior. I definitely have it. Your on your way to healing. The cravings will last a while, so keep busy, and don't pick up. Don't use, and stay away from other users for now. When I cleaned up I thought that I could still remain friends with people who were on drugs. I soon realized after a couple of months, that I out grew those people. Once the drugs were over for me, we didn't have much in common anymore. I didn't stop being their friend because they were on drugs. It's just that after a while, I could see right through them, and I didn't like what I saw anymore. I came out of the fog after a good year clean. You'll see.

Great Scott! A week already! And you were so worried a week ago. Look at you now! Smiling on SR with your little boy. You've shown all of us already over the hump as well as others wanting what we have. IT CAN BE DONE! You just have to reach out and touch it. In the beginning of our using days, it feels so good. But it sure doesn't take long to get into a situation we don't want to be in anymore.

Yes, yes and yes. You'll be very hungry for awhile. I for sure packed on some extra pounds. But it could also be from me getting "spayed" and having the additional back pain. But I'm by no means a couch potato. We have 22 animals and they are very demanding!!! No rest for the weary. :rotfxko But it helps to keep my mind off the pills too. We have two Silkie hens that insist on being let out of their pens to roam the yard for sun dried earth worms. Uggh! We have to babysit them while they are out. We live on two acreas. And they can sure cover a lot of it in no time. I'm panting as hard as they are by the time we get thru walking in this 98 degree weather. And then it's ice cream treat time when we come in to cool off. Of course they want to eat the ice cream right a long with me. And yes! We do share with them. Out of the same bowl or off the same ice cream bar.

Your body has been deprived a long time of food. Plus, food tastes better now. So go ahead and eat. It's summer time and you'll sweat it off playing with the kids. So don't worry.

TOD

Good morning all! I have to say I am jealous TOD I grew up in the country, but now live in the city. Like the country much more. I'm really starting to feel noticabley better on a daily basis. 8 days and counting. The cravings are losing their strength and I "think" I only woke up twice last night and actually slept until 6:30. I'm having some insecurity issues, but trying to let them go. I'm greatful that I woke up this morning. I have a job to go to, and I don't have to put a substance in my body to function properly. I'm greatful to just be me today. Still starving :) Peace and love.

It's funny. Kinda. Things that I couldn't stand a few days ago look so pretty today. For example me pupils. I hated those big fat things and what they represented 3 days ago. Now I think they look fantastic!!! Why? Because there normal:)

Hey Video:

When I was taking a daily vitamin for the first two weeks in my detoxing, I noticed I was hungry all the time too. If you are taking one, you might want to stop taking it for awhile to see if this is what's making you so hungry.

I'm currently taking nothing. Think body just craves the nutrients. I've become super active again. Excercise, kid, work. It all makes me hungry. Thanks for your support TOD:)

Thank you anvilhead:) I learned HALT in rehab years ago:) I am eating. ALOT. Lol. I feel so much better physically. Yesterday I still had a rough time getting through the day. Today it's easier. If I stay clean one day at a time someday I'll be me again. Peace and love.

When I quit smoking almost 2 years ago (July 4th) I would get horrible, horrible canker sores in my mouth. I started eating a thing of yogurt for breakfast everyday. Still do. Yoplait French vanilla is the best, and your right I haven't been myself but today I'm much more myself than I've been in months. Looking forward to my new home group tonight. I've made some drastic changes to the program I work. Obviously something wasn't working. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Right?