Big Plan... Time to kill the beast once and for all.
 

Well this is day 1, I said on another thread last night my last drink was yesterday morning but I kipped for a few hours and got my days mixed up. Doh! My last drink was actually Monday morning. Shaky but feeling a little more human now.

Anyhow my BIG PLAN to never drink again has started. The addictive voice is telling me 'Yeah right! You... not drink again?! ha ha ha. After all those failed attempts? ha ha'. My life has been dominated by my alcohol addiction since I was young. 16, 17 years later it has to stop, I cannot and will not live like this anymore.

I will post on here regularly to 'check in' for added accountability. Wouldn't it be great if today was the first day of the rest of my life? Recovering and moving forward like lots of others seem to be doing. Ive had too many false dawns, next time I may not have the strength to pick myself up again.

OK Big plan. Here we go, wish me luck folks!! Cheers for reading this (Oi stop falling asleep over there! I'm finished now, promise!!)

Hi RN, make this time count! Think how good you'll feel in a year's time making your 12 months post!
Have you made some strategies to help you ignore the AV? Support? Ways to cope with the cravings?

I will do a full cost benefit analysis of the pro's and con's of drinking, did one ages ago but clearly I've been ignoring it! I need to be more resolute and tell my self to F-Off if the sneaky voice tries to catch me out. 'I'll take a day off of recovery' (it's never just a day though) and carry on later with it is a common BS line I tell myself. I'll go to the gym again tomorrow and if I can face it, what with deciding to drink over and over again and wasting my time and everybody elses time before, go back to Smart.

More than anything I need to make this decision an unbreakable oath. A 100% no going back decision. That way when I get swamped with the desire to have a beer or 10, the option is not even on the table. My addiction monster loves indecision almost as much as alcohol! I'm sceptical yet hopeful at the same time, the scepticism is understandable but is not helpful. Optimism in the face of the beast, fake optimism if necessary is needed. Indecision=Defeat.

Thanks for the reply FG, much appreciated.

I love your username, RN. Of all the times to choose to quit drinking, this one right here is better than all the others. Do you have any alcohol at hand? It helped me to cement the reality in my mind to dump it. Have you told a doctor about what you are doing? There is something cathartic about that step, it seems to make it even more real.

I know there is a whole pantload of support for you. I plan to be around quite a bit for the remainder of the week, so please post often.

I believe you can do this, and that you deserve to succeed. Best to you, RecoveryNow, and Onward!

Hello Freshstart. No alcohol in the house, just one beer in the fridge usually leads to days of getting hammered. I live alone though so that is completely in my control. I think I'll leave the doc out of it for now, my doc has known about my alcohol issues for many years and I don't think there is much she can do. It's up to me to kill the beast!

An unusual thing happened earlier, out of the blue my neighbour offered me a bottle of Bacardi. She knows I'm on and off the sauce and was only trying be nice. I flat out refused it. A first small victory that no doubt would have been a lot harder to refuse if it was offered after being sober for 3 or 4 days when I'm not so pig sick of the stuff.

Thanks for the encouragement and support. It's good to connect with the recovery community again. I intend to hang around here as much as I can. Cheers.

Hi Recoverynow,

Of course, "today is the first day of the rest of [your] life". The "Wouldn't it be great..." doubting is 100% your addictive voice - straight from your terrified Beast who just heard you say "...I cannot and will not live like this any more."

There's other AV in your OP and also in the other responses above. As you get better at recognizing IT, you can always come back to read this thread with further insight. I think the hardest part of AVRT is keeping it pristine from non-AVRT recovery beliefs.

A person can have their last drink only once in their lives. I have every confidence you have perfect control over that having happened last Monday.

GT

Every single thought and feeling you have about getting more alcohol into your blood can be easily sorted out using this matrix from Rational Recovery.

http://rational.org/html_crash_cours...vrt_matrix.gif

RecoveryNow, I started my sobriety by putting up a wall between what I wanted - sobriety, and what my beast wanted - to continue drinking. Separation was my goal. This way, my beast could be beastly, and I could get on with my reintegration with the land of the living. I don't think that there was a battle planned, or a victory required for my success.

As I look back, I don't think that the idea of a struggle or a battle would have helped me. My beast was not something to be defeated. Instead, it is just something to be accepted. It got quieter over time, surely, but I didn't require this for me to succeed. That was a good thing, too, because the AV got loud at times in the beginning. I had decided that was not going to matter any more. I had made my plan, my commitment.

Loud beast, quiet beast, meh. It really didn't matter anymore. My commitment to being sober in the present moment outweighed anything the voice could ever say.

Of course, "today is the first day of the rest of [your] life". The "Wouldn't it be great..." doubting is 100% your addictive voice - straight from your terrified Beast who just heard you say "...I cannot and will not live like this any more."

Yeah your dead right GT that's the addictive voice right there! Knowing the principles of AVRT I can see it pop up sometimes and recognise it but it'll take a bit of practice to properly get the hang of it. I and It are in the ring, can't have my lower brain masquerading as me otherwise I'll be punching myself repeatedly in the head! Lol. I like what you said about you can only have your last drink once in your life. I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN AND I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND. Cue more sarcasm from old beast brain!

Thanks for the message and for pointing that out, cheers.

Hi FS. I want this to be as easy as possible believe me! I've accepted 'it' will crave a drink at times. The commitment I've made to myself will make it easier than if I was 'Will I/Won't I ing like before. The only thing I'd disagree with is when you say you didn't feel like a victory was required for success. I think having the mind-set to make the decision to quit for good is a victory in itself.

Today IS the first day of the rest of your life and it IS the absolute greatest thing :) and I'm right here on day one beside you. If you ever feel like talking then you can message me anytime.

I found that although I love avrt and the rr concept - it's so simple and clear cut that for some it is enough - that knowledge. For me personally I need add ons lol I've been reading about mindfulness and NLP and having healthy emotional boundaries - although today is day one for me too it's taken me a while to be strong enough to actually state that my plan is now in place. It's not complete - i want to keep reading and learning and becoming 'enough' for myself.

If you want I can post you some links to websites that are helpful sources of 'get up and go' and all the 'happy' you can sustain lol

Plan towards success :)

Hello 13Unluckyforsom cheers for the message. Day 1 for you too? You can do it mate, I wish you every success. I've heard of mindfulness but don't know much about it (I know plenty about mindlessness!) any links would be useful. Thanks again and best of luck to you.

Is the Rational Recovery book the only book I need to read?? I've heard rumours there are other books too. Wish you the best R N, spounds like we are in quite a similar boat here.......

Yes, Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction, The Revolutionary Alternative to Alcoholics Anonymous, 1996, by Jack Trimpey, stands alone providing all the information necessary to become competent at AVRT.

Of course, conversations here on SR can help streamline some of that education. They can also provide a lot of material for practicing sorting out AV activity from the rest of our thoughts and feelings.

I'll have to dig it out and read it again. Is the SMART book any good???

I agree with Freshstart57, but I would modify it a little. The Beast isn't something to be accepted so much as something to be ignored. Like, oh sorry Beast...I forgot you were there.

I've been sober for one year now, and while the AV is pretty quiet it hasn't completely given up. In a way maybe that's a good thing. The Beast/AV is just your will to live, your lifeforce, that's somehow got its wires crossed. The goal is to channel all that Beast energy into something more useful and life affirming.

So far AVRT has worked well. After years of drinking three bottles of wine every night, literally 7 days a week 365 days a year, I had no withdrawals and have had minimal cravings.

http://www.the-secret-of-mindpower-a...esitation.html

^ NLP Site - full of literally hundreds of helpful articles.


http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/relax.htm


^ another really useful site - has info on being mindful and technique and benefits.

Just remember google is your friend :) the NLP site is just excellent though :) happy reading

Mindful Addiction Recovery, Urge Surfing and Mindfulness and Addiction are also good links. Start looking and digging by searching these ideas on the web, and you will find your own personal favourites.

Hi again RN, I hope you're still holding strong. I didn't know about AV when I gave up drinking, but I recognise it easily! Call it what you like, I think it's a huge help to have a range of strategies to cope with strong cravings. No matter how determined someone is, they are human and can use every bit of help out there. Here are some things that helped me cope with the first few weeks:
1. Don't get too hungry or thirsty
2. Substitute with sweet food at first if this helps (you have a generous calorie allowance)
3. Exercise of any kind is good; walking after work helped me
4. Try to stay away from any routine that ended in a drink. For me it was relaxing after work
5. If social events involve drinking stay away if you can; prepare carefully if you can't
6. When a craving hits, take 5 slow mindful breaths, concentrating on what your body is doing

Hope this helps in a practical way.

Hello and good morning. Thanks for the support, advice and the links folks. I will definitely check them out later when I've got time.

Been up the gym this morning, felt like crap but feel better now for having got off my backside. My minds clearer today and I'm feeling relatively upbeat.

All the best people, hope you have a good one.

Welcome to SR

The gym pfffft your just showing off now lol exercise is really good it will help you sleep but just go easy on yourself too - your body is tackling a lot just now. Glad your feeling so good today though. Happiness is infectious - be a disease worth catching lol (yeah shut up 13)

Good to hear you sounding so upbeat again, 13. Please don't shut up!! :):)

:) thank you - I'm glad to be doing this.

Welcome to SR and best of luck. You can do this. I found reading the posts here really helped me find the mindset to stay strong. I also would keep in mind my worst hangover and how I was never going to feel like that again. Not just the physical pain, but the mental shame and disapointment. That way when I have my down days I can still tell myself it is better than being hungover. Take time for yourself and congratulations!

Cheers for the welcome Heath and ChrisBen. Nice one 13, agree with you. If happiness were a disease I'd love to be permanently infected, hence the boozing I suppose, futile attempts at happiness. Happiness comes and it goes, think I'll just have to settle with being infected by Scurvy and Rabies for the moment. See what happens when a vitamin C deficient dog bites you!

I'm still sober by the way despite talking gibberish. No cravings so far today, long may it continue!

Hi RN-
Glad to hear you made your BP. I too started a thread to write on when I made my BP. It was great to have somewhere to go and write whatever I was thinking and have people to call me out on my BS. Anyway, I am glad you are here and sober.

Jess

Hi RN,

Wishing you the courage, strength, and wisdom needed to beat the little a$$ h@le in your head into submission. That's what we call it in our home. ; )

Thanks for the welcome jkb and HopefulinFLA, much appreciated.

Time to crash out, had the odd drinking thought this evening after getting frustrated with technology! No cravings as such, no real desire to drink just an unhelpful reflex reaction from the ghost of pissmass past. I'm sure I can expect a few more drinking thoughts in the coming days/weeks as drinking was the answer to every conceivable emotion. Not an option now. Good job too.

You guys are each doing just wonderfully! Most impressed!

For me, I tried to shift my AV off on the other side of a wall. Strength, courage and wisdom would be nice to have, but my BP doesn't need any of those. I'm going to go all Wizard of Oz on you. What if Oz the Magnificent, Oz the Great and Powerful, turns out to be just some fraudster behind a curtain? What if his promises of a brain, a heart, and courage turn out to be lies?

The Big Plan says that you already have everything you need to render your AV powerless. You don't even need to click your ruby slippers together! Thinking that you need extra super extra power to do this is just your AV trying to make you doubt yourself and lead you back to that misery.

Keep pushing forward, you guys are awesome. And badass, too, don't forget the badass.