Fallen
 

and pissed. Really, pissed. As in been drinking for 24 hours.

Everything piled up on me. Being unemployed, getting all my teeth pulled, too much free time, too much pain. Been drunk for over a day now. I mean barely typing this drunk. Wheee.

I don't know why but my insobriety was follow up to an epiphany. I visited the bonsai gardens of the Monastery in Conyers. Bonsaimonk.com - bonsai pots, bonsai tools, bonsai supplies
Long a favorite place of mine and a resource for my bonsai needs. Yep, I grow little trees. Portable forests. It's good for me.

If anyone ever figures out life, I'll buy the book. I was completely in the tank of apathy last night and today got an email from a job prospect that may be the perfect job of my life.

What an effing day in what an effing life. Thank you all for bearing with me.

Yeah, sorry to hear such news about the drinking. No worries, thou. You can still quit, and stay quit. There are many ways forward!

Begin again.
Move forward.

Robby, your beaming smile is always a source of motivation. Love you, man. Want to be like you. TRYING to be like you. WILL BE LIKE YOU. I'm so damned tired of being me that I don't know who to shoot.

You know, saying you're tired of being you just after or while drinking is an awesome start to becoming the YOU you want to be, and then some.

I wasn't smiling like that when I last quit, that's for sure, but I always wanted to be somebody who I would myself like to hang with. It wasn't easy to come to terms with myself; pains and doubts beat me down something awful, but there is always a way forward if we will only take that next right thing to do, and just do it. You CAN ace this, absolutely you can. :)

Thanks for the kind words, trachemys. I'm awesomely glad to be one of the somebodies who inspire you. Salute!

:You_Rock_

Can't say much Trachymis, you already know. Feel for you though man. Hang in there, keep the faith. Pm if you want.

Don't make me cry, man. That ain't fair.

Trach, we've all fallen but you're not broken. You're still here, and as long as you are, there is the hope that you will get back up and MARCH on. Love ya buddy

Robby, whoever you are, my antennas are alert when you post LOL!

Mrbeagle!!! So great to see you!

For some good reading try my friend's site: cbtrecovery

He has 10+ years now, and he worked himself to the bone to do it. Lots of helpful stuff here.

trach---come on ---you can do it. Let's start over and get a new day behind us. We are all here for you.

Nice to see you too Pamel! It's been a while, I do hope you're well

It's not over my friend. To be honest, I don't believe everyone can do this... but from your first post, I've always believed that you can. Still do.

Hey Trach

First, thanks for posting.

Second, I really enjoyed your posts in our March thread - funny and insightful.

Third, the job prospect is worth getting sober and staying sober for, and even if this one doesn't work out, you will be prepared for the next one.

Fourth, you can't grow bonsai trees without being a nurturing person. Time to nurture yourself and your sobriety like you do the trees.

The drunkeness will pass, and sober you may want to create a schedule for your free time - volunteering and interning are often gateways to employment. Something to think about.

Virtual hug my buddy. You can do this!

Trach, I know from my own experience how hard it can be. Keep coming back and you will make this work!

Big hugs!
Sassy

I took my own horrific faceplant St Patty's Day weekend, Brother. I felt like a big pile of Cleveland steamers. Less than 3 weeks later I feel so good I'd pay $10 for a headache.

Moving forward like the turtles; slowly, but inexorably. Be well.

Some of my not-so-long-ago posts describe the HELL I was in after a similar incident. Also describes my TREK back out of HELL. I was Black & Blue & Bloody (in spirit), I felt like people were spitting on me and railing accusations at me, and my self-induced loathing was even worse. But I was NOT DEAD yet! I stood upright and started that trek back out of HELL. Demons were ripping at my flesh, but I continued on. I heard people shouting encouragement in the distance...I think you may have been one of those voices...That Saved My Life!

Listen to us calling you back out of the pit of HELL. Follow our voices. We want to see you in the sunlight again...soon.

Really good post Mrbeagle. It is so easy to forget we are a group of people with a ..condition.. (I have always had trouble with the disease model; but I DO BELIEVE we have the gene) ... i.e. it has been proven that some of us taste Cilantro like soap! Others do not and love the "damn" stuff. There is an enzyme in the tongue of some of us %? who really do taste cilantro....well... like soap.

It is similar to alcohol, in that we (alcoholics) cannot "process" the stuff the way others do. Hey, if I had to make a choice, I would pick "alcoholic" over a cancer sufferer anytime.... or, as many people have said: "Why was I "chosen" to be an alcoholic?"

Thank goodness I was not "CHOSEN" to have to jump out of the World Trade Center on 9/11 (I saw all that).

We have choice and are still alive!!!

Through the help of all my friends here, and AA, I have a chance to change my life. What a blessing (from whatever you consider to be your "higher power").

...and, even more importantly, my friends here. Love you all, Pamel

Trach,
you type better drunk than i do sober!

oh, not meant as encouragement to keep going...

don't let it get too weird.
come back, back to basics.

Sorry to read how you are struggling Trachemys.

Start from day 1 again tomorrow,you need never drink again.

trachemys...

I believe in you.

Get up. C'mon. It's time.

xo

maybe tomorrow

Cripes. There is really nothing I can say to get you back up on your feet and knock off the drinking.

I believe completely that you can stop. I think you know that too.

Anyway know I care.

I have no magic spell for you either, Trachemys. You don't need anything you don't already have, ruby slippers check, good to go.

I guess I am saying you already have everything you need to live your life and make it all that it can be. That will only happen when you decide to become all you can be. It is waiting for you, just say yes.

Sorry for you, Trach. I know this feels really, really bad.

But nothing is lost, so long as you keep yourself safe, and something may even be gained if you can dissect this later for future use.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you stick around. I like reading your posts, and I look forward to seeing your life get better.

Trachymis tomorrow is today, time to pull up you boot strings and start again. You know you can do it.

I always liked the 2 magic words of advice in this video. : Bob Newhart-Stop It - YouTube

Best thing for a day 1:

Trach,
Time to do like the John Wayne movies and Cowboy-Up. Sober up, take a scalding hot shower, drink a cup of strong black coffee, and saddle-up. We got a ranch to save.

Trach-
I've been there and done that. You are still awesome and I am sooooo here for you. It sucks but, make it a learning experience.
:a096: and move on... Jess

As an adult in my right mind, when I took that first drink again, I never thought I was about to fall. And afterwords, I didn't think I had fallen.
I had decided to take a chance. Again, hoping and working hard towards the goal that nothing bad would happen this time, because I wanted the pleasure very strongly (Beast strongly), but I didn't want the negatives. So, when I came out the other end of the drunk, and waited to see what chips would fall, I felt relief if none did, and IT would bide time until convincing me to make the next gamble.

Usually it worked out OK. But these episodes didn't help me towards quitting for good. It was only when bad things happened while drinking that my better thinking would jerk forwards towards knowing, even more-so, that I really ought to quit for good. AVRT wasn't around at the time, and it took some serious bad things to happen for me to finally decide to quit for good. If AVRT had been put in front of me, I might have quit earlier. I don't really know.

So, my philosophy is not to hope anything bad happens to you so that you might quit sooner, but that maybe you will find some information here useful, and to hope that you achieved what you wanted while "in the cups" (as they used to say in early America).

One of the greats! Thanks for the comedy (and actually really great advice).

Trachemys- Stick with it. I wish it were as easy as yelling Stop It but it's one of the hardest things in the world. Be gentle with yourself and stay with us.