Day 2 and That Voice
 

Sunday night was my last binge. I feel fantastic today...I guess I have no idea if the alcohol is still in my system or if my detox won't be as bad as others I've read about. I took my daughter to school today without feeling like death, smiled sincerely and drove home happy.

Last night I had a lengthy discussion in my own head with my addict, who wanted to point out how difficult it will be to enjoy the spring and summer weather on the newly remodeled porch and the back yard once the pond/fountain is fixed because drinking goes hand in hand with those places. I realized that voice is using excuses, twisting perfectly normal situations into must-drink situations to feed it's addiction. I told myself that people grill out, have friends over, play with the kids, play croquet....there are tons of things to do in the warmer weather that don't require alcohol. Which is not to say it won't be tempting, and I'm not even sure I can beat that voice but as of today I feel like I made a decent step in addressing that voice that wants me to give up, that counts on my finding comfort in old habits.

There are lots of ways to enjoy a sunny evening in the back yard that do not involve drink. Find a few you fancy and try them. Your addict will be miffed

I like that approach. The addict in me has done enough over the years that "miffed" me! It's time for me to be the boss.

Lucy, check out this thread and the other three that continue from it. It has great information on the addictive voice and how to overcome it for good.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...iscussion.html

Thanks Mike! I'll start digging in more, ordered the book used from Amazon as well. It really makes sense to me to start looking at this as a part of my brain that I need to address as an enemy of sorts and start to see it as undermining my life.

I realize you are waiting for your RR book to arrive, but the first rule in AVRT is not to have any lengthy "discussions" with the addictive voice. The AV is not an irrational belief, cannot be reasoned with or otherwise disputed away, and will play both sides of all arguments. Regardless of what you say, IT will always land on its feet, so to speak. The more you debate, the more time it has to wear you down.

The Beast loves debates, because debates = white knuckling. You need to pay close attention to your use of pronouns. The AV's favorite pronoun is 'I', because if you think that 'you' want to drink, you are free to drink, and possibly will. If you hear "I" want to drink, change that to "IT wants to drink," and always stay in your right mind, as in "I never drink, and since addictive desire is not me, but the Beast, I don't even want to drink."

See this post for reference:

• AV Chatter & Separation :

Go through the crash course (I sent you a link), and read through the thread in the meantime.

To your addiction (Beast) nthing is pleasurable without a drink. And everything is with one!

You'll find if you buy into that argument about the seasons when winter comes it just won't be right putting up with that cold weather without a nip of whisky or other spirit to warm you up.

As per the post above, don't debate with that voice!

I guess by "lengthy discussion" I meant that as thoughts popped up that normally do relating to when/how I will drink again, I was working at recognizing that as the addict's voice and seeing how it manipulates by using any excuse to rationalize drinking. Seeing it as separate and with only one goal was completely different from seeing it as me and how weak and awful I am...I hope that makes sense! I've been on the site and am reading here in the meantime as well, I was just impressed with how it changes things to see it that way. One of the up sides, to me anyway, is that it diminishes the feelings of self loathing and shame and allows me to feel in control.

@Lucy: Boy, you and I are in similar situations. I equate summer with camping at the lake, beers and wine around the campfire. Of course, I am the only one in my family drinking like this...so everyone has, in the past, just let me be. The comments and innuendos stopped years ago..but I know they are there. I am in Day 1 of doing this. I guess I'm going to have to change how I look at the summer and how I look at myself in the summer...beer in hand? Or simply enjoying the world without the guilt of drinking through it.