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Husband leaves Vicoden/Sick bitch I just dont know what to think... why would he do that? My husband has been complaining about a toothache but wont go to the dentist. Somehow he ran across some Vicoden, my DOC, clean since 1.17.06 and brought it home. He wont take more than an Advil so I knew he had no intentions of taking it. Why did he do that to me? Bring them in the house and leave them on the counter for me to have to look at? I am really mad. I dont know if Im mad he would do such a thing or mad because I cant take any. I just know I feel hurt and mad. He is a sick man, this isnt the sickest thing he has ever done. I assure you. Although I know he didnt take any (he wont even take an ultram) he enjoyed giving me a play by play as to how good he was feeling about every 15 minutes. And how/where could he have even gotten them? He would have had to have gone to great links to do this to me. |
Was this a recently prescribed prescription for him? If he's not going to take them, then fush them!! Not a good idea to have them around, IMO. Then work on how this has made you feel. Why you are feeling this way and how you felt after the pills were gone. Just another test in the lesson of life!! Do the next right thing!! |
I agree, flush them. He's absolutely messing with your mind and that's a bad thing to do to anyone. |
YouKnow what beach babe, Sounds to me like he's quite the game player.Maybe he's testing your strength??? Show him how strong you are, leave them right where he put them, and when your both in the same room, got to the bathroom w/them, throw them down the toilet, flush , and utter the words "I WIN".! Tell him youve stopped playing games in high school, and that was extremely childish and mean.My husband used to pull the same crap, and each time he did something like that, it just made me all the more . Congrats on your sobriety! The little games my h. used to play has helped keep me clean and sober for almost eighteen months now, so BRING IT ON!!!!!!! Keep up the good work!! See you on the boards! Jennifer |
They have sat where he left them and will. Sick people in this world, a whole lot sicker then we are. |
Beachbabe... I admire the hell out of your strength and commitment. I have a flaming rod to ram somewhere.... ok....no, my sponsor would probably tell me I was giving my power to someone else... or lowering myself. But it is comforting to think about... I wish you the best. |
I volunteered on the NA Helpline for awhile, and one night, I received a frantic call from a woman fresh out of rehab. Her adult son had put a beer in her 'fridge, "just to see if you're serious, Mom." She came very close to drinking it, then dumped it and called me. She couldn't believe he'd be so insensitive. People without addiction issues don't understand. They often think that it's merely a matter of how committed we are to recovery. In other words, they think our addictions were the result of "no will power" or "laziness." We know that's not so, but they don't understand that. And, if they don't, how can we expect them to understand? Have you tried talking to your husband and explaining what it's like to be powerless over your addiction to pills? That this test is making it very hard for you to remain focused on recovery? One thing I will say...as strong as the compulsion to pick up that bottle and get started, it's nothing compared to the compulsion you will feel if you take the first one. I can battle the urges so long as I'm clean. Once I get started, I know that the nightmare will begin all over again. You've come a long way, baby. Whatever you have to do...don't start the cycle all over again, please. Peace & Love, Sugah |
Originally Posted by Sugah I volunteered on the NA Helpline for awhile, and one night, I received a frantic call from a woman fresh out of rehab. Her adult son had put a beer in her 'fridge, "just to see if you're serious, Mom." She came very close to drinking it, then dumped it and called me. She couldn't believe he'd be so insensitive. People without addiction issues don't understand. They often think that it's merely a matter of how committed we are to recovery. In other words, they think our addictions were the result of "no will power" or "laziness." We know that's not so, but they don't understand that. And, if they don't, how can we expect them to understand? Have you tried talking to your husband and explaining what it's like to be powerless over your addiction to pills? That this test is making it very hard for you to remain focused on recovery? One thing I will say...as strong as the compulsion to pick up that bottle and get started, it's nothing compared to the compulsion you will feel if you take the first one. I can battle the urges so long as I'm clean. Once I get started, I know that the nightmare will begin all over again. You've come a long way, baby. Whatever you have to do...don't start the cycle all over again, please. Peace & Love, Sugah Yes!! I totally understand this.... When I first got out of the treatment center I was in, my family thought I "had this thing licked". I told them,.."No,....if I 'had this thing licked', that would mean Im "cured" and THAT would mean I can drink like normal people do". They just didnt understand that. Soon,...the holidays came around, and they had booze in the house like always, never once asking or wondering if it would bother me. That hurt. But, I NOW understand that they DONT understand alcoholism at all. They wont go to Al-Anon because "Im the one with the problem, not them." They also think its will power and nothing more. And when we tell them its not,...they act as if Im making excuses for my addiction. My younger brother recently said this to me....."You expect everyone to give you a huge parade for doing exactly what a normal 34 year old SHOULD be doing" I told him that if I were just a lazy bum who laid around and did nothing in my parents house til I was 32 and never had a drinking problem then I can see your point. But, for someone who is addicted to alcohol and has been for 15 years, and then overcame that, and stayed sober for 2 years when I couldnt stay sober for more than 2 hours before,....then,...a parade??....no, not a parade.....just a little respect, common curtousy, and acknowledgment that I did something very brave, and difficult. I think an immediate family should give the addict atleast that. |
Beachbabe, Errrrrrr. I hope this gets worked out. But Im a little ----- right along with you. There was one time I quit drinking and this "friend" came over. He knew I was trying to quit. He wanted to go have just one. I thought Ive been quit awhile OK. I remember the sly smile when I took my first drink. I looked at him and thought that must be what the devil looks like. You know Ive come off the Vics myself. Seems like I remember your posts and you were talking about him not supporting you when it was real tough for you. Some people get in there comfort zone and they revel in the misery of others. I never have understood the thinking myself but I know its there. Why our partners dont want to go along for the ride for the benifit of both of us is sometimes confusing. Its not a competition we are on the same team here arent we. Oooooo I think my blood pressure is getting up a bit. Hang in there. If you were to take one you have to go thru a mini withdrawl again and its not fun. I thought I would test the waters myself and its just not worth it. Im thinking about you and I support you. Rely on us here and ignore anyone who is not on your team. Hope my words arent to harsh. Sobriety Is #####1 Soberus Maxus |
Originally Posted by Max Oblivia Beachbabe, Errrrrrr. I hope this gets worked out. But Im a little ----- right along with you. There was one time I quit drinking and this "friend" came over. He knew I was trying to quit. He wanted to go have just one. I thought Ive been quit awhile OK. I remember the sly smile when I took my first drink. I looked at him and thought that must be what the devil looks like. You know Ive come off the Vics myself. Seems like I remember your posts and you were talking about him not supporting you when it was real tough for you. Some people get in there comfort zone and they revel in the misery of others. I never have understood the thinking myself but I know its there. Why our partners dont want to go along for the ride for the benifit of both of us is sometimes confusing. Its not a competition we are on the same team here arent we. Oooooo I think my blood pressure is getting up a bit. Hang in there. If you were to take one you have to go thru a mini withdrawl again and its not fun. I thought I would test the waters myself and its just not worth it. Im thinking about you and I support you. Rely on us here and ignore anyone who is not on your team. Hope my words arent to harsh. Sobriety Is #####1 Soberus Maxus I know its easy to say,...but, if we truely are willing to do 'whatever it takes' to remain sober, then we have to get those people out of our lives who dont get it and keep taunting us to 'have just one' with them. Those are people who just dont understand addiction, or just dont REALLY care about us. If they dont care,......GONE!! And if they dont understand and arent willing to learn,.....GONE!! I know its nine million times more complicated than that when its a wife or husband, but, ...ya know,...death is death. Alcoholism wont care if we are in a relationship,...it'll kill us, just the same. WE are all WE have in this physical world when you get right down to it. For me,....nothing gets in the way of my sobriety. If they want to,...then they are history. Case closed. :09: |
OH, He Is JUST So NOT Getting It...... I had an abusive boyfriend while I was going cold turkey off Dilaudid and Mophine...TOO MUCH FUN...However, my choice to use those little suckers in the first place AND to being with THAT Ass too. I got clean and still had a WHOLE bottle of Dilaudids that I found a month later in my desk drawer....the nice guy that he was, he told me that I should just Put Them UP ON the Desk and Look At Them And See If I could KEEP from Taking Them....Good acvice, HUH????? I told him this....." I have a NEW game.....YOU do not know the rules, so YOU cannot play". He did not EVEN get it. He said "what the F**k is wrong with YOU???? I said "You can't play". It went right over his head. then I flushed the Dilaudids.....I suggest you tell your main man the same thing and then flush those babies........OH, then HE went out the front door after I threw ALL his clothes in his car and said, "one of the rules is "you are OUTTA HERE!!!!!!"....he was gone!!!! Too COOL. I was a NEW person ,I have now been clean 6 years......life is GREAT........PEACE, girl........Kahlia:SteprobL: |
Originally Posted by Sugah People without addiction issues don't understand. They often think that it's merely a matter of how committed we are to recovery. In other words, they think our addictions were the result of "no will power" or "laziness." We know that's not so, but they don't understand that. And, if they don't, how can we expect them to understand? Have you tried talking to your husband and explaining what it's like to be powerless over your addiction to pills? That this test is making it very hard for you to remain focused on recovery? |
Oh gosh, I am so sorry! That sounds like something an old roommate did when he bought me a bag of meth. Sometimes people like you better when you are sick. Either you can be sick with them, or it may be about change. They don't like that they have to change also, it's easier for them, they realize when you are sick. Plus then they can continue playing the marytr role if that was their past behavior. I would get this man out of your life faster than he knew what hit him. No excuse for that behavior. Hang in there.. |
I agree with everybody else beachbabe. He is being incredibly insensitive and if I were you I would just flush them - if he really did need one then that's just tough luck! He should have thought of that before being so insensitive and potentially damaging your recovery. I wonder if he secretly wants you to fail so that he will have power over you or feel superior in some way? Maybe he's threatened by your strength this far? At any rate, if you do decide to confront him I would flush the pills first so that if you get into an argument with him and get upset then they aren't there while you are feeling a bit down. Good on you for posting here and not giving in! You are so strong and it was a wise decision. My advice, for what it's worth, is to flush them first, then tell him to never do that to you again that it simply isn't fair. I'm not suggesting that you should confront him. Only that if you do, I'd get rid of the pills first. At best he's being insensitive, at worst that's just downright nasty! Well done girl! Good for you for staying strong! We're all on your side! :) |
Cuz he's a "norime", ooops, sorry, an alleged "normie". In quotation marks, cuz I have said before, there is generaly NOTHING normal about them. They usually need at LEAST as much help as we do......... "Normies"' JUST DON'T GET IT........NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL. DON'T CARE HOW MUCH THEY CLAIM THEY DO, THEY DON'T. "dont know if Im mad he would do such a thing or mad because I cant take any" Probably both! |
Last night he said "Well, I see you havent messed with those pills". I said, "Why would I? Im in recovery? It sure must be hell trying to control me now that I have a functioning brain, huh?" Then I said "Oh yeah, and if there was a small part of me that didnt already hate you it no longer exists because as far as Im concerned, bringing the pills here was like putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. To bad for you it didnt go off, huh? I just started rubbing his face in my sobriety rather than having MY face rubbed in my addiction. Seems the tables have turned. Yes, I was the one that my husband freaked when I went clean. I always knew he had 'issues' with control but not until I got clean did I realize the extent. Never knew him clean. I do now and like him less than when I was using. He is a pouty, juvenile, miserable, childish, mean, nasty, pathetic, selfish control freak that might control when the house payment goes out but short of that, he aint my damn Daddy and I have let it be known. Quit to his dismay. He is like a lil high-schooler that just got her period... a little bitch. Has the little man complex which doesnt mesh well with a strong woman. If I fart, it makes him feel inferior. Unless he can get a better one out but never wins. Not my fault God gave me guts and nads. As far as him not knowing about me or addiction, I leave these pages up literally all the time. He reads them to pick **** to bitch about but thats cool at least he reads it. So, I dont say anything here I havent already said to him unless its because I just havent gotten around to it hehe. *flips her ol' man off* |
Oh! Forgot to tell you... my biggest problem since getting clean is I can only sleep in 3 hour intrivals. Oddest thing, since he brought those pills home (maybe coincidence) I have gotten past that and now sleep from 12 am til 6! Yay! Huge deal for me because now life feels more normal... like others, I mean. Anyway, the point Im trying to get to is now I am sleeping all night and HE is now up pacing as I was for the past two months. I guess it is true... what comes around goes around. Seems his scoring screwed with his life, not mine. Ouch, thats gonna leave a mark. You know... I have a parrot. Wings arent clipped. She is my best friend. I take her everywhere with me and she never flies away. Why? Because she knows I love her and will always take care of her. We go to the old folks home and she reminds the elderly ladies they are 'pretty girls' and just stays perched where ever I put her. I would too be like my bird if he wouldnt hold on so tight. I'd never fly away and always trust he would be there to keep me safe. Sad part is for both of us, he doesnt have the courage to allow me to have wings. Therefore, he and I will never know the love and trust that comes with being fully flighted. |
Your strength of purpose is a lesson to us all! Don't go building up resentments tho' - thats a sure way to pick up again. Read the Spirituality sticky. Well done! |
Originally Posted by Beachbabe Last night he said "Well, I see you havent messed with those pills". I said, "Why would I? Im in recovery? It sure must be hell trying to control me now that I have a functioning brain, huh?" Then I said "Oh yeah, and if there was a small part of me that didnt already hate you it no longer exists because as far as Im concerned, bringing the pills here was like putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. To bad for you it didnt go off, huh? I just started rubbing his face in my sobriety rather than having MY face rubbed in my addiction. Seems the tables have turned. Yes, I was the one that my husband freaked when I went clean. I always knew he had 'issues' with control but not until I got clean did I realize the extent. Never knew him clean. I do now and like him less than when I was using. He is a pouty, juvenile, miserable, childish, mean, nasty, pathetic, selfish control freak that might control when the house payment goes out but short of that, he aint my damn Daddy and I have let it be known. Quit to his dismay. He is like a lil high-schooler that just got her period... a little bitch. Has the little man complex which doesnt mesh well with a strong woman. If I fart, it makes him feel inferior. Unless he can get a better one out but never wins. Not my fault God gave me guts and nads. As far as him not knowing about me or addiction, I leave these pages up literally all the time. He reads them to pick **** to bitch about but thats cool at least he reads it. So, I dont say anything here I havent already said to him unless its because I just havent gotten around to it hehe. *flips her ol' man off* Now he's forced to look at himself, and his flaws, and is slowly but surely figuring out that he is soooooooooo far from perfect. There were so many things that were acceptable to me when I was sick and using, that are unacceptable now. Again, good for you and your new backbone (or so to speak!) Keep on keepin on beachbabe! Jennifer :dance8: |
so, man, when ya' going to take care of you, and get involved in a program of some sort? what he does, or does not do, is irrelevant. |
things that make you go hmmmmmmm :c016: have you talked to your higher power about this ??? my higher power handles situations much worse than this one like they were ... oh ... normal every day things.... and wheres youre grattitude list for the day... what are you greatfull for in all this.... you are learning so much that you should be more confused on which of the multitude of positive solutions you should choose for this event.... youre leaving out things from your posts..... you see were not mechanicial machienes... theres a personal reason we choose to end our days where we do...... the real truth is as simple as this .. when all there is left to do in a relationship is leave... then leave.... your list of priorities could look like this 1.] higher power 2.] sobriety 3.] self 4.] everything else wheres your sponsor and such who are your support people close to you.... is it against the law to flush pills down the toilet??? he will say (---------) when you say you flushed them.... and youll be branded a user in denile.... re-lapser.... yeah? if you have your own house it will be against the law for him to enter it and sabatoge you by placing illegal drugs on YOUR counter... though... just a thought.... pardon my lack of tact... and spelling... ":} my concern for you is genuine though... i am a recovering addict as well... i lie cheat and steal to get high when im on one... so it takes one to know one i guess... oh yeah i did the control thing on a scale that would place me in the top 1% of those gifted assholes who manipulate ... so its been tough for me to accept that and try to do the work required to not be that type of person...lol the addict i am... its a tricky contradiction being the person youre trying to help someone see is the person there with..... its rough ... where youre at... youre in remission...be greatfull it matters...thats a pain you can recognise.. and thats because youre sober ... smile .... enjoy it... this too shall pass.... the BS that is .... hold down the sobriety... Jester. |
Hi Beachbabe, Congrats on your sober time!!! Unfortunately most humans are resistant to change and like the old status quo. I don't know how long you have been with your husband but all the rules have changed in the last few months. Early sobriety is a tough time with lots of ups and downs so it could be he liked the old you, less ups and downs, less confrontation, and certainly more easily dominated. In addition, non alcoholics/addicts can study this forever but they don't get it, and for sure may not understand the life and death consequences of our struggles until it is too late. If your husband is a loving caring partner, (btw doesn't sound like it!!!), over time he will begin to understand recovery a bit and enjoy growing with you in new directions. If your husband picked you because he wanted a partner he could dominate and manipulate and your addiction was part of the package then the future could be a bit more problematic. Did you write in another thread his first wife was diabetic and alcoholic? Does someone marry two addicts by mistake or chance? In any event you are doing a great job and can focus on your own recovery. Find lots of sober friends and stay out of the game playing with your husband, (I know easier said than done!) My own anger and resentment got me drunk so many times I hate to think about it. Flush the pills, and maybe take him to a meeting so he can hear and learn about addiction and recovery? You can just keep walking forward in a positive way and he can keep pace or be left behind. Take Care :) |
Married two addicts... Yes, thats me. I have never looked at it from that point of view. Wow *ponders and soaks that in* Thanks Ash. Jester: I appreciate your candor. |
Alanon says it best. The three C's. Didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. Detach. ADDRESS THE ISSUE regarding YOU! when ya' going to take care of you, and get involved in a program of some sort? |
BB, there seems to be a pattern. When you are pressed with tough questions, you don't reply. You sure have no problem being the hard a$$ yourself. Tom |
Originally Posted by Beachbabe Married two addicts... Yes, thats me. I have never looked at it from that point of view. Wow *ponders and soaks that in* Thanks Ash. Jester: I appreciate your candor. I think your a hard worker. I like your style. I know your tough. I support you. Max the sober one. Formerly Max Oblivius Formerly Vicodin Addictus Now Soberus Maxus |
Tmc :abcr: turner movie clasics... i aint old though... 38 is well lernered... not old! its nice to forget sometimes.... just look over the things that hurt n such... like seeing through things you normally cant see around... kids play make believe games right...... so whats an old man doing seperateing two kids under 10 years old for fighting over something they put together in their minds ... see something they dont hold outside their thoughts .. leads to fighting.... whats that about... dont suppose it matters much cause 2 mins after their napping its like nothing was ever wrong in the first place and the wife and i just assume they needed a nap anyway... she says its overstimulated immaginations...... you suppose adults get that way from time to time.... old movies....just sitting here watching old movies today...... Jester. |
keeping tabs hey you.. where you at ... you ok ?? whats happening..??best wishes Jester |
How you doin girl? |
Hi...I'd leave the pills and flush him. |
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