Really Had a gutful here
 

Really mucked up an interview today and feeling down and f***** useless. I have not felt so close to picking up for months and can't bring myself to phone anyone.

Only thing I can think to do is hide for the day at home and hold on.



bu**er bu**er bu**er

((( nogard )))

Don't judge yourself on one lousy interview. You are worth so much more then that. Jobs come and go, you are irreplaceable. Be gentle with yourself.
Bless,Trish

Hi Kevin, sorry you are feeling c******** Just remember this too will pass!

I am going to seddon meeting tonite if you are in town

HUGX
Lee

Well now you know what NOT to do next time... That sounds like a positive to me and a day where you learned something, sounds like a good day to me!
There is a great book out there and is you ever get a chance to read it I would strongly recommend it. Its called "A new set of glasses" great book, when in recovery our perception is a little off and how we perceive things differently. I know today must have been a tough one, but just think of the new possiblities that you have.? Unlimited!!!

Best of luck!

~GB



ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find some
person, place, thing, or situation-- Some fact of life -- unacceptable to me, and
I can find no serenity until I accept that
person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly
the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in
God's world by mistake.
Unless I accept life completely on life's terms,
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to
be changed in the world as on what needs to
be changed in me and in my attitudes.


- from The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 449 -

(((Kev))) It's never as bad as we make it!

Ouch!
 

courier newdarkolivegreen
Howdy, I'm new here.
I know that the worst thing that I can do when I've had a crap day is to add insult to injury by being horrible to myself. I have used up alot of energy thinking that I won't get anything done if I don't call myself names. It's amazing what a load of crap that is! I don't need to fight myself...I need to learn to be kind to myself so I don't have to pick up a drink to punish my lame useless a** and prove how right I am in my deeply held belief that I suck. I have more energy when I'm at *least* polite to myself. Boy, did I need to write this down today. Thanks,
J

Hi Greenbug !

That quote re Acceptance , is my VERY favorite from the Big Book. It was a lightglobe moment for me when I first read it

HUGX
Lee

Sorry Kevin, I forgot to add I have the set of CDs " A new pair of Glasses" if you would like to borrow them

HUGX
Lee

Don't you dare pick up, Kev!!! Hang in there, Bro!
****{hugs}}}

Hi Nogard,

I know how you feel about the interview. Blown a couple myself and felt rotten. Getting or keeping a job sometimes seems like the most important thing, but I know I am forgeting that there are things like my sobriety that mean so much more. Jobs will come and go, but without sobriety, I will lose everything.

You will get another crack at an interview. Don't worry about that. Just don't pick up and let the feelings you are having dissipate. They will and you will see your feelings of disappointment wane and you will feel better.

I think that the job thing can be one of the biggest threats to our sobriety. Especially in the first year or two. We feel such pressure (and financial need often) to get that high paying job and "succeed". This pressure often comes with sobriey as we try to repair years of damage to our careers and work record. This stuff ain't easy to deal with.

What a rat race. Thank goodness for the support of other addicts and alcoholics.

Oh well. Dust yourself off, don't drink or use, and give yourself another shot. You will do fine the next time.

Jup.

Think of the mucked up interview as a 'practice run'.

The next time it will be smoother.:approve:

Hugs Kevin

Thanks everyone.

I handled it the best way I could, which of course was not perfect. I was so angry at myself I fell asleep fopr a couple of hours and when I woke up I realised the angry was aslo covering my fear of not having any work and all that would mean. So I hit the phone and talked to a few people and put things back in perspective. Fact is I did not get offered the work, reason is that they wanted skills I don't have and they should have been advertising for those skilss.

Best is I did not hurt anyone including me and I did not pick up. I need to get to a few meetings though.

So onward and upward and I get to work on releasing my anger and dealing with my fear.

My thanks for your support.

Kevin

Nogard, Keep the faith. Something good will come your way.
Glad you didn't drink. I can tell you 1st hand it does not change a thing.

(((Kevin))) it's real early here, I'm typing this with tears..what a RELIEF that you did the right thing. Please keep talking doing what you're doing to keep on the straight path, WE all know what happens if you stray off it, and WE all know how hard it is to get back on it.....not worth the risk, just not. Making ourselves sick never once solved anything, not once. I hope you sleep well, you'll be waking up so grateful you didn't let the beast snag you. I'm thanking my HP right now for helping you.

So happy you're feeling a bit better, I'm with Janet, keep the faith, something will come along soon.

Much love....Denise

Remember........If you win the rat race, your still a rat. Im glad you didnt pick up

Again Kevin...Inspiration....Inspiration....Inspiration. The Job wasnt right for you, not your problem, but thiers, You might feel angry if you went to the interview under the influence!! That would be a completly different matter. Keep at it Kev. You know it makes sense
Dave

kev, glad you didnt pick up mate, that is a lovely birthday present for me.

tomorrow is another and better day hey
hugs to you
kath

((((((((((Kevin)))))))))))) 5 months ago I was unemployed. I applied for approximately 80 different jobs and went to over 30 interviews. It was extremely difficult, and you can bet I screwed up more than once. But I made it through sober. Thing is, there are always going to be situations that happen which make us want to use. It is GOING to happen. Each time we make it through a situation like that it makes us a little bit stronger to deal with the next one. Sounds like you did just what you needed to do!!!

I'm glad you are feeling better. Hang in there.......

Thinking of you--
Hugs--

Just hold on and don't drink over this because then you will feel even worse.
The right job is heading your way. Don't lose faith no matter how bad it may seem. Everything will work itself out. If you struggle to believe that now, then just believe that I believe. :)

I love you Kev and I hope you are feeling better soon!

(((Kevin))) Don't be so hard on yourself, maybe God has something bigger for you!

That job was just not for you then. Don't sweat it, your higher power has the best job for you in his time. Think of it as just a warm-up.

Dear Nogard,

Thank God for unanswered prayers. I can relate to where you are. After I had been in recovery for a short while, I got laid off due to economic conditions in the oil industry in the 80’s. I went to an interview at a place that the money sounded really good for a secretarial position. I blew the job interview on purpose when I saw how they treated their applicants and the testing that they put them through for a "simple secretary’s” job. (Trust me, today I know there is no such thing as a simple secretarial job, but I was still new enough in the program that my ego told me this was a ridiculous way to conduct an interview… after all I should know after sitting on the other side of that same type of desk for a few years! Ahh, it’s a wonder that my HP didn’t just smite the snot out of me right then and there.) The next day I had an interview scheduled with a school district and the day after that was my wedding day to my present husband who worked for that same district. I’m glad I blew that interview (even as worried as I was about money), because when we came off our honeymoon they called me to tell me the job at the district was mine and I’ve been working there ever since.

No, neither one of us handled our job search situations in the best way, but it was the best that we could do at the time. I’ve got a feeling that if you just “let go” of it and start putting one foot in front of the other, doing the next right thing in front of you, you are going to see what you would have settled for is so much less than what you will end up getting in the long run. And if you have a hard time “letting go” then try to hang on a little looser…

By the way, the suggestion to read “A New Pair of Glasses” by Chuck C. is stellar! That book has opened more doors of thought for me then I can tell you. (Good show, Greenbug!)

Just a thought…

Oh Denise don't cry!

I have never had so many people care about what happens to me and give me such support.

Its morning here and I slept well and am have a clear head.

Thanks all of you for your support, I laughed and cried as I read your words.

Lee I would love to borrow the CD's, thank you.

Well today I carry on looking but I though I would take a short break for a few hours this afternoon and do something different like play with dogs and go for a drive.

Maybe this is about teaching me how to deal with these situations as well as not applying for positions before I am sure they are suitable. Also not to go for grossly underpaid positions.

Anyway perhaps my HP does have something else in mind so today I will pray that I might do the next right thing while letting god.

Love Kevin

She does, Kevin. I promise you that.

I am a contractor, too, so I can relate to the uncertainty of finding that next gig. Recovery has taught me to turn it over, though. God knows where I need to be, what I need to be doing and when. Knowing that makes things so much simpler. My job is to do the footwork and then let go of the results. And you know what? I have never, ever, not once NOT been taken care of. So why would that change now?

Glad you feel the love, Kevin. Show up, be open and keep doing that next right thing!

Thanks Phinny, I needed to hear/see that and I believe your right. I will do the footwork and leave the rest, being open and honest is also very important for me.


Love Kevin

and you know what kev, today you know that the job wasnt right for you rather than wondering if it was because you were drunk or hungover or whatever! big difference in your thinking hey, yep the job wasnt right, not you my friend, you are a winner.

take care
kath

(((Kevin))) Glad you did the next right thing!! Something will come along when you least expect it!!

Those people you interviewed with may tell someone else about you!! You just never know!! You meeting with them is part of some plan that is to big for us to understand. I believe there is always a reason we cross peoples paths. Either they learn from us, or we learn from them!!

So happy you didn't drink!!
Hugs,
Missy

Thanks Missy and Kath :)

So glad to hear you didn't pick up. You see, I had a bad interview 2 years ago and ended up going back to using. And that was the time I almost killed myself.

So to hear you made it gives me a lot of relief.

Thinking of you today.

Thanks Alera. Still no sign of work yet but for the first time ever I am not in a state of panic.


Kevin