Yes, I have felt suicidal many times, even in recovery. I am less likely to feel this way when I am staying clean and sober, going to meetings, working a spiritual program, working with a sponsor, etc.

.. but I really don't want to have to go to a public meeting.. I own a company, could ruin me..


Going to get some help and trying to do something about your drinking will ruin you? Hmmm....and what happens if you continue to follow the path you're on? One thing about AA meetings - everyone there is in the same boat!!!! They are all people that struggle with booze, but have a desire to quit drinking - you will not be judged at an AA meeting. In my meeting, there are priests, lawyers, carpenters, executives, realtors, sales people etc... alcoholism does not discriminate or care who you are or how much money you make.

"we stood at the turning point. Half measures availed us nothing...."

Hope you stick around and are willing to consider a new way of life...
JMHS

Hey I grew up just outside the Mad City.. went to the University of Madison (you know BIG party scholl) more party then school.. and yes there is a bar on every corner of every block in every town.. Kinda sad but the honest truth is thats just the way life is in small town America... what else is there to do after the cows come home?

Ya know the more I think about it the more I have to say that I really did not drink until I moved to Fl.. then it just got worse and worse.. lost my husband last year.. he finally good not take anymore... so he left.. we tried to "get it right".. even got back together.. but I still had to drink.. could not admit to myself that I had a demon pocessing me, that I had to get help.. until the other day.. like I said I went to the beach.. and it was not to have fun.. when you are drunk you think very "weird" thoughts.. I thought it would just be best to gome home to God.. and then God sent me an Angel.. My son.. he called me..asked me where I was and to come home.. it was 10:30pm.. so I did.. sleep did not come easy that night.. and the next day(yesterday) I knew I needed to come back to this site and start talking.. so I did.. but I did it with a beer in hand.. but the more I read the more I could no longer lye to myself.. So today is now my Birthday..

Thanks to all for listening and giving your love, support, and most of all your time..
and wiscgirl.. thakns for letting metake up space on your thread..

One more day. No drinks. Feel good. Had a hard day obsessing over my ex though.

Thanks for checking in today. I've been reading your thread and I have been where you have been, even the thoughts of suicide the next day. The only difference is I am not an alcoholic but drug addict. Once I put my hands in the pill bottle I can't stop taking them.

I work SMART Recovery myself. I'm just not a NA person. I used to go to AA and there is one really good meeting, its really early in the morning but it was made up of a bunch of old-timers. They would meet before work.

If you don't like one meeting, I recommend you try a different one. Many of my friends have found their survival in those rooms.

Read these two statements you typed.

AA is FULL of people JUST LIKE YOU. We understand you. Why?? Because in a sense, we ARE you. Go to an AA meeting and you WILL KNOW people who got drunk like you. Its safe. Its "weird" because it IS weird at first. Why wouldnt it be? Like anything else, you get used to it. Drinking was weird at first too. Only difference is that our drinking stayed weird to everyone else. AA is a step in the right direction. From the sound of your story, you will NOT be able to do this on your own. That time has passed. Please go to a meeting. Please listen and participate, and your life WILL get ALOT better. Plus, now,.....you have US here too. Good luck and God Bless.

Actually I didn't mean that AA is wierd and scary, I meant that the way I drink and get drunk is weird and scary. :)

I am super lonely today. Going to church in a little bit. I wish I could snap out of this depression. Think I will post on the mental health board, cuz it doesn't really have to do with alcohol or addiction... :(

Wow,.........you have ALOT to learn about alcoholism and addiction. Havent you EVER heard it said that this is a MENTAL disease????? Depression IS a direct symptom of it. Alcoholism causes depression and depression causes alcoholism and addiction. To hear you say that it has nothing to do with it blows me away.

Actually that is exactly what you said.

Actually, while alcoholism and depression are often by-products of eachother, it's not an automatic diagnosis for everybody.

The ones who dont experience it are the exception to the rule. In general, what I stated is right.

And there's the whole other world of dual diagnosis, where addiction and alcoholism get to cohabit with a different range of psychological disorders, most of which, in and of themselves, can produce mild to severe depression.

I'd love to see your research evidence that most people who have substance abuse problems also suffer from depression.

Hi, wiscgirl, you might want to see a counselor about depression. Cognitive behavioral approaches can be very helpful. Here's a useful article:
http://www.mental-health-matters.com....php?artID=232

Don S

Wiscgirl, hang in there! I also grew up in a small town in WI....more bars than stores or churches. I feel for where you are. 62 days ago I got lost coming home from the bar, parked and passed out in some guys driveway.... nowhere near my house... and had to call my 16 year old son to come get me or the man would call the cops. I could not believe I put my son in that position. It's just not acceptable!!!! I wanted to die because he didn't deserve a mother like that! The next day I went to my first AA meeting. At first you feel out of place but give it time! I look forward to these meetings every day and can feel my stomach unknot when I walk in. These people have been there, done that! No judgement, just understanding and support.

I also suffer from depression and think it wouldn't hurt to get evaluated. Depression can come with the alcoholism or the clinical depression can be a reason you self-meditate with alcohol. Vicious circle if you take antidepressants and drink, alcohol is a depressant. Like giving a diabetic insulin and a box of candy. Doesn't do much good!

I feel great right now! No hangovers....no anxiety attacks on hangover days...and no more beating myself up the day after!

Hang on, it gets easier!
Diana

thank you for sharing that about your life going downhill fast......it helps me remember this past year,,,,,my life has crumbled before my eyes, my family, my self, almost everything important in life,,the financial stuff is still ok, for that is how i measured success...now i have money with no family and it sucks,,,,I am on the long journey back,,,I know i can do it with the help of god and the program.....Just get started on the road ...;..it was hard for me to get moving, but i think i have started,,,,,,hang in there

It may be worth noting that if you dont connect with people in AA, its not the end of the world, and there are other ways to get sober.

Hmm...just a thought, but Earlybird, your posts toward me seem pretty hostile. Maybe I am taking it the wrong way, but , first of all, I know that earlier I did say "AA people can be weird", BUT in the specific quote that you quote in post #47, I was talking about me and my drinking. THAT is what I was talking about. Sorry for any misunderstanding. The SECOND misunderstanding was that I don't think depression has one to do with the other. THe reason I wanted to post my boyfriend story on the mental health board was because that story had not ONE thing to do with alcohol, and I felt wrong about posting it here and wasting people's time. So, then I went to church, and spent the day with my son, and got in a great mood, and came home to read your posts which seemed "attack-like". Not really what I needed, but I can move past it. THanks for reading anyway, and thanks for the comments. I am going to receive them in a good way.

To Don - yes, I am seeing a wonderful counselor weekly about my depression. I am also on Celexa, which I think helps. If anyone is interested, I never drink because I am depressed. I usually stay far away from alcohol when I am depressed cuz I know when I am depressed it either makes me feel more depressed or causes me to do stupid things. However, I am *always* depressed the next day after drinking alcohol. SO, this is what I think, depression doesn't cause me to drink, drinking causes my depression, and also my big recent breakup caused my depression. Thats just me. :)

To RockMeBack - Wow, that really is a life-changing story. I can imagine how you felt. I have made such a fool out of myself in front of my two sons that I totally can understand. I am so happy you are on track now.

Erika

I think people who go to church can be really weird.

Okay...I'm kidding. I really am. Don't take this the wrong way. It is just one person's perspective. We don't know until we know. I used to think people in AA were weird also. However, I needed to get sober and I continued to go and AA saved my life. You will find some wonderful people in the program. Yes...there are the weirdos, but you will find them in any venue.

I can really relate to your story. The one thing I want to point out is the progression of the disease. I never used to drink every day, but when I did I would overdue it big time. Towards the last few years of my drinking, I was drinking nonstop. If you continue to drink, the chances are you will start to drink more. I remember the first time I grabbed a hair of the dog in the morning. It became the norm instead of the exception.

Continue to go to church and make the conscience effort to stop drinking. I too would encourage you to look into a recovery program. If you choose to go to AA, maybe you could walk into it with a different perspective. The perspective of someone who knows they have a problem with alcohol and is in fear of dying if they continue to drink. The disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. Most cannot stand up against it alone. Arm yourself with some good recovery tools. You are off to a good start. Good luck...

Yikes, I REALLY have to clarify myself about the weird AA members! This is why I think *some* (not ALL) AA members are weird. Sometimes I think they just pressure too much. They *scare* too much. Sometimes some people in AA also try to pressure to people who are not alcoholics and some people believe that *everyone* who drinks is "bad". That is all I meant. This is the experience I had. I was overwhelmed. I think it is obvious why! Anyway, I realize that the people that do this are only concerned in other people's well being, but, that is why I said what I said, and Im not taking it back! Ha! ;)