How do I deal with loneliness?
 

I get the strongest urges to drink at night, like right now! It seems I am by myself all the time during the day but at least in the midst of other people (work, grocery store, bank, etc..). When I get home in the evenings I am OK but after sitting here a while I get very lonely. Most of my family lives in FL where I am from. I moved up here (WV) August 2003 to try to run away from the alcohol and drugs (By the way that doesn't work!!!). I long for companionship so deeply it aches inside. Here the meetings are extremely small and most the people are court ordered to go. The old-timers guide and direct me in my recovery but as far as a hang out theres really is no one. They all have families and such. I have heard it said that when you find a God of your understanding you are never alone. I have a loving God that I believe in but I still feel very alone. I long for romantic companionship too which I know is a big NO NO in early recovery. So my question is, how do I deal with these emotions? I want to drink the most when I feel this way so I can numb it or forget. I hate dealing with these feelings. I am actually about to go to the store right now... I know after all the stuff I have wrote, I am an idiot. I feel like I have to have someone in my life to validate who I am. I can't stand to not have anyone or friends. Even though the friends I have when I am drinking are not real friends I still have someone around. I come into recovery having to cut those people off, ya know. SR is great I am truly grateful to have found this forum but I need direct communication with others. Am I making any sense? Anyone- How do I deal with these emotions?

I started taking classes at MSU today on campus. I have been taking my courses independently so today was new to me. I get so nervous around people when I am sober it's hard for me to make friends. I think that may be a trigger also. Thanks for your suggestions. With Love, Susan

Here are two links to the college and university in your area, looks like it is really beautiful there... do you hike?

http://www.mountainstate.edu/

http://www.valleycollege.com/

oops... you are way ahead of me :sly:

Between work, school, and my drinking I haven't really done anything outdoors in a while although I do love to be outside. Yes, it is so beautiful here! The mountains are a big change from the palm trees and beach. It is cold as heck, still haven't adjusted to that!!! I am dreading when the snow really starts to come down. I'm very inexperienced driving in wintry conditions. Thanks for the web-sites anyway that was real nice. I am trying to hold on... I keep telling myself ten more minutes. This is a
b!tch...

Hey Sue, my son just got back from dropping his friends off at West Virginia University. Is that near you?

No, that's in Morgantown about 2 1/2 hours from me.

Susan,
what are your intersts in life? What do you like to do when, you're not in a class work at home etc. ? I used to play sports volleyball, baskteball and softball. Do you have counselor at school that you can ask about student actvities. What's your major? Are there any type of activites relating to your major to devote time to. Being in AA might make being in a sorority a little more difficult. Are you interested in doing any volunteer work.

Pour yourself into your studies until, you get to know people in your classes.

chris

Ahhh, thanks for the info. I don't know West Virginia very well. Did you grow up in Florida? My parents always stayed down in Naples. Beautiful there but is so built up now. Where in Florida does your family live?

I am from Daytona Beach but have been to Naples a few times.

Thanks Chris for your suggestions. My major is DMS (Diagnostic Medical Sonography) and theres probably groups that I could get involved with. I need to get over this social anxiety first, without a drink a am socially extinct. I used to play softball in highschool, but I don't believe they have any leagues here in the winter. Something to check up on in the future though. Thanks ya'll...

Susan, I understand exactly what your saying.
Everyone here has made good suggestions. I went to ***** personals and posted an ad... (No picture) but even if you dont meet someone, there are a lot more people who are lonely like us than you realize... you might end up just talking on-line... And some of the profiles are (gag-me) funny, lol.

It's free to browse too.
pm me anytime.
cindy

Hey ya'll. Three time loser... I'm doing what I do best. Sorry, I feel like such a jack a$$. I really do mean what I say, I promise I do. I may need to go back to a re-hab center because I can't do this by myself. I gave in on day six. I usually can go at least a month. I know what some of you old-timers maybe thinking, she hasn't had enough pain. I feel like I have had more than enough yet my actions may prove other wise. I don't know what is up with me????? I want this more than anything I have ever wanted. It amazes me, how you all with time are so strong. I know so much about the program and disease. I know without a doubt I am an alcoholic on a downward spiral and still yet I think f*ck it, maybe it won't get that bad. What a failure I've become. Where do I go from here?

Susan,

the reason we say this is we know what the road ahead islike. Broken homes, lost jobs DUI etc. etc. etc. I don't say this because it's a lie. Read everyone's story that posted how they got here. You have chance to have a happy life drinking and drugging do not and i repeat do not bring happiness. happiness comes from within

love

chris

Susan. First off you're not a loser. Get that though our of your mind. You are just like every one of us. My heart truly goes out to you. I live in a big city surrounded by so called "friends" yet I still feel very lonely. The nature of our addiction is isolating and at times lonely. For example I spent the entire weekend in bed. But today I woke up, left the house went to an NA meeting, poured my soul out and had a cheeseburger with some fellow druggies. You are not alone. Every night I sit here and crave a pill just like you do a drink. Tonight will pass and tomorrow will be a brand new day for you. Put it behind you and set just one positive goal for yourself (a sober one!). I have every bit of faith in you. Love, J

Susan, everyone has A "f*ck it" moment. I did/do. but i'm trying to anticipate them and side-step them.
I too am socially challenged. But I wouldn't have gone four weeks with out coming to this site when i had cravings.
And my cravings were really more like moments of pain that i wanted to mask.
You can get past them too.
Listen to our friends here,
Love & support for we are all in the same boat.
Cindy

Susan you are not alone. No matter how you feel I can guarantee you that. We are the travellers on the road of recovery. Each one of us is different but we are on the same path. If we see a brother or sister broken down or stuck in a rut, we help them back on the road. Loneliness is a weakness that the addiction disease preys on.

I can't even count how many times I have failed to stay sober because of my intense feelings of loneliness. It has been quite possibly my greatest weakness. It has also been a sort of strength. Sometimes I make the greatest progress in my recovery after a particularly nasty bout of loneliness/depression.

Hold on stay strong. Whiteknuckle your sobriety if you have to. Go to meetings whether you like the people or not. Never give up.

Chris

Susan, We have a large group of young folks here in Charlottesville, Va. One of them is from Beckley, WVa. I will try and get him to PM you for the next time he's in town. We can't do this alone and I've been where you are. Some days I'm so filled with the god of my understanding, somedays I'm not and long for that healthy relationship, I really do miss the intimacy with someone. I know god has a plan, and I hope in his will for me it is too build an intimate relationship when I'm ready. But in the mean time, this is time I need to take advantage of working the steps (writing,sharing,living) without attachments but only to god and a sponsor and my support group. Hang in there!! Maybe one day you'll want to road trip to C'ville, Va and I'll introduce you to all the women in our area.

((((susan)))))

get back on here. it is ok.

The next right thing.
First thing to do is to throw the shame stick away... Give it to me...
>snap<!

Next is to address the obsession.
We do that by talking with others like us. You know.
You posted earlier you left Florida, trying to run away from alcoholism, and that it didn't work. That's a big realisation. No matter where you go, there you are.
I don't know if this is your first attempt at leaving the drink, or your tenth. It really doesn't matter.
Until I started understanding the obsession and compulsion inside me, inside my mind, I was a walking relapse.
But I tried and tried and tried and tried until I got it.
I had it yesterday, and I'm doing what I need to do to have it today.
And part of what I have to do to get my sobriety for this 24 hours is coming here and reading, and in this case, asking you to believe a little more in yourself than you did when you picked up.
So come on back. Your chair here is reserved.