First struggle for a long time
 

Coming up for 2 years sober in December but today I'm having a wobble, first serious one for a good while.
Some debt I'd been avoiding caught up with me today.
I am seriously considering drinking tonight. I can't eat and feel sick, I have a headache.
I just keep thinking of escaping into the alcohol.

Drinking and giving yourself a hangover will only make those symptoms worse.

Not only a hangover, but the brain chemistry and balance you’ve obtained through nearly two years may be negated back to day one in terms of progress but not in time. That could start a whole rash of withdrawals over again. Been there, done that, got the shirt for it.

If you could only hang on it would be so worth it when this passes.

:grouphug:

AK, I'm glad you posted.

Is there some way that you can work with whoever you owe money to? Maybe you could come up with a payment plan that would work for you and help you feel less stressed by this.

It is sorted out now and there has been a plan put in place.
I'm feeling really angry and disappointed in myself.
I'm having thoughts like, why try to better myself when I'm still always in a mess.
I'm feeling like I'm a failure.
It's all feeding into my low self esteem and self hatred.
I've been maintaining calm and equilibrium.
for some reason I'm craving the chaos and messiness of alcohol tonight.

AK, you are forgiven for every perceived mistake you may think you've ever made.

You can stop punishing yourself now.

Go out and live a good, wholesome, happier, peaceful life. Leave the drama and chaos behind. It no longer serves any purpose, even though it feels familiar.

AK, I think you should be proud of yourself for dealing with the debt and getting a plan in place for handling it. You're not a failure at all. You're doing the right thing and taking care of yourself. We do lots of destructive things when we're drinking and it's so hard to face those things when we're sober, but you're doing that. :)

Don't give up 2 years of sobriety for a night of chaos, you will regret it so much tomorrow. Do you really want a day 1 post?

Well done getting the payment plan in place.

Have an early night and wake up sober. :)

This too shall pass

Good Work posting up.
Don't fall for the ole AV.
Mine was piping up yesterday over some stresses in my life right now but it is just not worth it.

Don't give in to the chaos. You'd regret it the next day. Please stay sober. Your debt can be worked out and paid off, but drinking will just lead you back down that awful path to destruction.

Please don't drink! :hug:

It’s important I think to keep a sense of perspective.
Don’t put too much emphasis on one mistake.
We all make them.
You’ve paid the debt - I t’s done :)

You have 2 years sober :)

that’s a great accomplishment, and I know you’ve done many other good things in that time.

All of this is wildly out of perspective…
it’s what the AV does.

You don’t need to surrender to chaos to try and feel better. You just need to cut yourself a break. :)

D

2 years is fantastic.... please dont ruin it... it happened to me after being sober 22 months, once.

Throw those drinking thoughts right out the back door
and replace them with good healthy positive thoughts.

When times seem tough i look at it as growing pains
in recovery. This hurdle you will muster up all the courage
and willingness you have deep within and get over it.

From this experience, you will grow from it. I promise.

As long as you don't give into those dark temptations
and drink.

Also, if alcohol is not in reach or around you then you
can't get drunk and wake up tomorrow with more added
upset.

Grow and remain strong and always reach out for
help and ask for suggestions as to what you can do
to help make any and all you life challenges easier
for you down the road.

SR is a good source of recovery support and lifeline
to hold onto in good times as well as hard ones.

It’s past wine o’clock here, AK. I hope you don’t/haven’t drunk. You can fix the debt problem. It’ll be easier than an alcohol problem.

AK, I was about 3 years sober when I found myself unexpectedly in a lot of debt. It was a tax bill that I hadn't seen coming. It was my own fault for not being more diligent.

I was angry with myself because I'd worked hard to get myself to a good financial situation in sobriety. It was too much money to borrow although that was a possibility I considered. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone close to me. I spent weeks in high stress, waking up in the middle of the night, going over the numbers, knowing I couldn't pay it. Ugh, when I look back over the period, it was probably the most stressful thing I've gone through in sobriety. So I sympathise with your feeling sick.

The thing about being sober is, it really is about facing life on life's terms. There's no running away from things like we used to. What would it do anyway? Have a drink to escape, it becomes two and then a whole bottle, and many more after. Soon you'll have destroyed your sobriety and your problem will still be there and you'll have a bigger one besides, of having to quit again.

Being sober you can look at your life and say, this is the problem, these are my tools, these are my options, how will I address it? It'll be normal to be scared, anxious and angry with yourself or others but eventually you'll settle on a solution, just like you have.

Be proud of yourself. See it as a win for yourself. You faced up to the problem, resolved it with your own resources, and emerged stronger and wiser. And still sober. And now you know you can face problems sober.

As for me, after weeks of sweating, I eventually rang the tax office and agreed on a payment plan. It took 2 years to pay off and I told no-one during that time, just paid it every month. It's done now. I'm still sober, I'm still in a decent financial position, I survived it. I am absolutely diligent in knowing exactly how much tax I have to pay all the time now. And I'm actually owed a refund this tax year.

Drinking is no solution but you always know that or you wouldn’t be on SR.

I heard many times in recovery that maximum spiritual growth always occurs when overcoming pain. This is my experience too. Stay sober and get through this will always be the best thing and you will grow from it undoubtedly.

Like everyone here has said drinking won't help. Your problem will still be there when you are done. You have taken care of the problem already and in time it will be all over. I had the same problem with owing a lot of money to the IRS in no fault of my own. I was so mad and still so mad about it. I have paid the money but I am fighting with them to get some of that money back. So I know all about that anger. I never thought to drink over it.
There was a time only a few months ago that I had a very strong graving to drink over nothing and came so very close. I didn't and I am so happy about that. So don't drink over it and you will be happy with yourself tomorrow and your self hate will go away.

I'm also struggling with stress/anxiety. I just came off a 10 day relapse though and it didn't help things. I'm on Day 5 sober and my issues are still here waiting for me. The temporary escape feels nice in the moment, but having to detox and then remember all your issues at the same time is torture.

I know what you’re feeling. The prospect of escape is tempting. You know you’re problems will be waiting for you in the morning..
So these days when I feel a lot of stress I still escape.. by taking a long walk, reading a book I love, watching a movie. It’s just as temporary as drinking. Without the negative effects 😊.
Stay on the path!

Im making what I would've thought was pretty good money. Now prices are growing out of control. I'm single so paying all of this on a single income is getting more difficult. Its better then it was because I'm not drinking and druggin but all those years of drunk me turning into a junkie did some damage. Then just all the procrastinating and dumb decisions I made over the years. I'm really cutting it close and it stresses me like crazy when I let it.

Right now though, right as this moment I am fine. I could sit around and worry about the price of this and the price of that going up. What if my car brakes down. What about the debt I do have.

This is where the serenity prayer comes in handy. I can only control what I can control. I know we need to act responsibly with our finances. I don't mean to completely ignore it but all debt is, is a number in a computer. We move on and try and do the next right thing.


Even besides the hangover, all a drink will do now is turbo charge the obsession to drink. Days after a binge that obsession will be so strong. It will be so difficult to get back out of. And for what? Chances are those first few drinks would feel nothing like you would expect. Then you get all that misery for a sense of ease and comfort that no longer exist. What your AV tells you that drink will do for you is an illusion. The drinking you did at the end of your drinking years was probably nothing like the early years of drinking. For me it got pathetic and it sure wasn't getting better.

Alcohol is kind of like a pool hustler that lets you win a few games. Then you sware you can beat a pro pool player. Thats how foolish trying to recapture that ease and comfort of a drink is. Its like a normal person that thinks they can beat a pro pool shark.