Thank you for all the replies. I see the theme and the advice I'd also have given back when I had a good few months sober. The pain does not last too long. I have a few weeks off work not thanks to my doctor, Not sure how my work will take this, Some of those I work with have went out of their way to have me join them in their current employment several times in the past but this is really the first time drinking has impacted my ability to work. Anyway its done now. I am on sick leave until the last week of August.
I have drank today. I was soo sick I could not get past it. My middle daughter has also got covid, she had a camp out earlier this week, one of her friends from the camp out and all her sisters tested positive. I have been for a test today and am waiting on the result. Not a fun thing to do.
I have no excuse, I feel so stupid and scared with what is next, I cannot, just cannot, see how I can get stopped again.
I hope and pray in the future I can bring this post back up and look on it as a turning point. I will be 50 next month, which to be honest doesnt help as I feel like Ive wasted the last 10ish years on drinking and not being a good dad. I have done all the dad things but think I may have impacted their development. Pretty unfounded, my older 2 girls go to a good school, passed the exams to get here and seem to be happy but I wish I had been more present.
Things are piling up. Feeling a little overwhelmed. The guy I spoke to from my old AA group was helpful but I fear is not receptive to people trying to stop, ie still on and off the booze. I asked him to be my sponsor. Not sure he is worried I might trigger him. He has 10+ sober though.
My posts are too long so I will finish. I dont know how to move forward. All the advice is appreciated, drink water, dont take the first drink etc. Kinda busted for today. I doubt I can get out to buy booze now for several days, If my daughter has covid its hard to see how I dont (I am double vaccinated though). We shall see. Thank you all

You will get great advice here on the psychological aspects of quitting and staying quit. But even after 4+ years I don't feel qualified. I still feel a bit like the quicksand is waiting for me if I am not really careful. What works for me is having a physical, practical plan for each day. at the beginning it was each hour. It involved food, exercise, work etc etc. Like many here I walked miles. Rain or shine - nothing and no excuse was allowed to interfere with the plan.
your month off could be a massive opportunity to put a plan - your plan - into practice.

Well, Phil, you'll quit when you're ready. Good luck to you.


Whether you think you can or you think you can't - - you're right.

The struggle is real.
The only way out of this is to quit drinking.

Ginger tea, peppermint tea, and chamomile tea are all calming to the stomach and help with digestion and nausea.

Saltine crackers.
Broth
Posting on here when an urge to drink hits
Exercise
structure

You can do this, Phil.

Remember, to kids — one year is a lifetime. Time flows differently for them. Starting your sobriety now will have a huge impact in their lives. As you get older, you’ll be healthier, sharper, more present, and a supportive part of their lives.

If you remain active in your addiction, you risk everything. The addiction will make itself come first. You, and them, deserve better!

And on a more informal note — screw alcohol, man. Who needs it :)

Phil, you need to bite the proverbial bullet and get serious about sobriety. Perhaps you should consider the A&E for a medically supervised detox. Go today; no better time than now. While you are there, you may want to formulate a solid plan for sobriety. Enlisting the help and support of your wife in your plan seems, to me anyway, to be essential to the success of your plan.

We are all here for you, too.

Sorry to be reading this, Phil. I didn’t realise you were struggling that much.

If I can add some positivity. You mentioned your 50th fast approaching. Doing some quick sums, I quit aged 49 years and five months (at the very start of 2019). Things have changed dramatically since (better). You also mentioned wasting the last 10 years. I think we’re all guilty of that. It irks me too, but we’re/you’re still young enough to have a few brilliant decades ahead. Don’t go there with moping over the past. The future’s all that matters.

And this not confiding in your wife, it’ll be a load off. Keep going, Phil.

If you're having problems quitting get some advice about detox from your Doctor Phil.
Once we get to drinking to function, I think it's time to open up a little, let our loved ones know, and ask for help.

Hope your COVID test is negative.
D

not off to a great start. 4 weeks off work is a lot of drinking. Several of my long layoffs is what I believe helped expedite my drinking problems. I wish you all the best.

How is it going, Phil?

Yes, give us a shout, Phil. Enough of us have been there so don’t be a stranger

I am 3 days sober. Going to 2 meetings a day while I. can. I wanna succeed this time.

Awesome! The want is big. I only tried to quit twice but the first time I knew I was not really ready. Two years later after things got even worse I was ready and wanted it , and it stuck. Good for you, keep it going now. You will feel great in no time.

Thats good to hear. Keep it up. How have you been doing the last few days?

Now 8 days sober. Still feeling quite anxious at times but I know that will lessen over the next few weeks. I have got a set of 8 CBT sessions through my work health care scheme starting Thursday to try to deal with some past issues and my anxiety.
I am taking it one day at a time.

Keep going, Phil. You are so correct - it IS going to get better. CBT sounds like a positive step.

Way to go! You'll be feeling better each day. I would set small goals each day and by the end of 2 weeks I was past the shakes, sweating, general uneasiness. Was a daily very heavy drinker (12-30 beers/day) so I knew it would take more than a few days or a week to detox. Avoid stressful situations. My mantra was nothing changes if nothing changes, and boy did I want things to change. I knew if I kept drinking a slow, lonely, miserable death was a certainty. Hang in there brother!