First I think you need either the help of law enforcement or fast mental health treatment. It is unreasonable to assume you can achieve long-term sobriety under those conditions — you need to go after the source. Do you have support and people who can help guide you through that process?

To answer your question: No. Alcohol never brought me real or lasting comfort. It was an illusion of comfort. If I were terminally ill I would want to be fully present with the people I love for every minute I had left.

If I only had a few days left to live, there is no way in hell I would want to spend them being hungover and miserable.

I would rather be rather be sober and with loved ones.

The first time I ever called myself an alcoholic and tried to stay sober was around 1987. For many years thereafter, including many rounds of relapsing, I always just assumed I'd get drunk/high if given some sort of terminal diagnosis (I'd also drain my bank account, max my credit cards, fly to Vegas, and see how many sins I could accumulate before the clock struck midnight). Then one day in a meeting someone asked the question (or it just popped in my mind), and my natural response was to take whatever time I had left to connect with loved ones and enjoy my life to the fullest sober. Importantly, this was not some sort of forced answer that I thought I should be giving. It's just the answer I gave. I consider this one of my spiritual awakenings/experiences. At this point, after 18 years clean and sober, I'd consider it a privilege to die clean & sober. Very few alcoholics/addicts do -- a number I once heard from a reputable source was something like 1 in 27. Anyway, in answer to your question, "no" -- the notion that getting drunk/high in response to a terminal diagnosis could in any sense be the sane/correct one is delusional ... though obviously utterly unsurprising for an alcoholic/addict, who is by definition insane.

The point in being sober is because its so much better than being drunk. Really no matter what the circumstances but if your days are numbered its all the more reason to be sober and enjoy the world. I thought you were on here because you want to be sober. So why would you want to be drunk. You cant do both. Being drunk sucks, period!

Youre not going to be murdered on Sunday or at any other time.
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To reply to the question in the title…. I don’t know. I’d spend a lot more time (quality time) my my mother and step-father. I’d also be a kinder person to my girlfriend who is my world.

How are you doing FF?

As BABM said, our days are numbered. We don't know what that number is but it's finite and likely less than I'd like. There are far more days behind me than ahead of me. I've contemplated this of course. I have decided that I want to live each day left as fully as I can and embrace each day completely. Every day I spent drunk was a waste; if I had only a few left it would be foolish to waste them on drinking.

Be well, @freedomfries. You can get through this. Ignore the voices and keep fighting.

No-one knows what they would do until they are in that situation. If i was terminally ill and in pain I would take whatever medication they gave me, mood altering drug or not! You don't get a junior G man badge for dying a painful and lingering death!

No

Better. Voices are quieter today

Really glad to hear it FF. Take good care of yourself and let us know how you are getting on x

No, it the opposite.

I think it's the realization/frustration/desperation that comes with realizing our days are inherently and always "numbered" that drives many of to finally get sober. A drunk life is a wasted life, whether the bus with my name on it is headed down the street tomorrow or in a few decades.

Very glad to hear that, freedomfries.

Exactly!

^
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