New Here, 7 Days w/o Alcohol
 

Hello,

I'm not really sure what to say, except that yet again, I'm quitting. It must be several hundred times now, who knows. I am in my 50's, have two beautiful children, 6 and 10, they are happy and healthy, my marriage is pretty bad, but hanging in there. I have learned that I have cirrhosis and am right at the cutoff of my MELD score where I may need a transplant. I'm not a good candidate for a transplant, because of my weight, pushing 300 lbs again, a lifelong battle. Like I said, I don't really know what to say, I feel so alone, sad, and just want to drink to feel numb, I guess, not even sure why I drink so much except that I like it. I've tried AA, not for me, the kumbaya -religious stuff doesn't fly well with me anymore. Plus, all the meetings I have gone to, pretty much every one starts off talking about themselves when they have open discussion with something like, "when I got out of prison..." I don't blame people for their mistakes, it's just that I felt very uncomfortable.

I wish I had someone to talk to who understood just how hard drinking is to beat. I never would have thought that I, me, etc., would be addicted to alcohol, but I am. And now, I'm at a stage, where the Docs have told me that my life expectancy is likely cut in half, but will be very short and really unpleasant if I keep drinking. I've seen several cirrhotics die in my line of work, healthcare IT, and they are very sick and suffering in the end until they are unconscious. I am scared that I won't be around for my children. I want to be here as long as I can. I can't lose this time.

I'm 7 days without beer or wine, the headaches, the shaky hands, the sleeplessness, the bad dreams, and the mood swings are all back in force. And today, I just lost my most recent contract prematurely, this time not due to my drinking, but simple economics, the employer tapered off all the contractors on my team, but any way I slice that one, I'm stressed and about 12 beers and some wine are on my mind. I'm not sure what to do, but am hoping that I can make a friend or two that I could talk to.

Thanks,
Max

Welcome Max :)

sounds like you have at least two excellent reasons to quit with those kids of yours :)

You'll find all kinds of stories here all kinds of people - I'm sure you'll find something to relate to :)

D

I would maybe give AA another shot. I'm going to have to say that maybe you didn't give it a chance because you would know that is not religious. It is spiritual, but not religious. There's literally a chapter in the big book about being agnostic.
I may sound harsh, but this is true.
People there could have been to prison, but so could people at the grocery store or library.
I only say these things because it sounds like speaking with other alcoholics in the capacity would be of use.

I wish you the best of luck, I know how hard it is to quit but it sounds like your health requires it.
there's tons of support here and the different threads do help!!

Hi and welcome to the family. :) The trouble I found with AA is that the philosophy of AA and its members are two distinct and separate entities. AA truly is not 'religious' but many of its members are. I got into a couple interesting discussions after meetings a few times... ;)

You sound like you have made the right decision to save your life. I hope you'll lean on us and post here if you get the urge to drink. We'll try our best to talk you out of it. :hug:

The first 1-2 weeks can be especially tough between the psychological dependency (cravings), the anxiety and insomnia which are typical for many as your body has to reset the stimulus level it has raised to deal with the depressant effect of the alcohol.

I found myself feeling a little better each day after the first week or so. Anxiety reduced, I started sleeping much better, and I just felt better overall mentally and physically as detox progressed. The timetable may vary somewhat, but not drinking gets easier and although I expected life to be boring and sterile without alcohol, in fact it has been the opposite. As time has passed, I am far happier sober than I ever was drinking. Marriage also improved greatly, as did self-esteem, waistline, and job performance. In short, everything.

Give it some time and be patient and kind to yourself. The damage from alcohol took years to develop and it will take time to heal and reset yourself. I suggest positive habits—maybe long neglected hobbies or gym, walking in nature, etc. to support your recovery.

You can do this—you are worth it and your kids need a healthy father.

Welcome Max. I think this is a great place for you. It has helped me tremendously. Keep reading and posting and you can build a community around you. People here really care. I am almost 6 months sober after decades of drinking. I’m 59. As others have said maybe give AA another try. Everyone has a different story but we are all alcoholics who need support. Good luck. Don’t give up.

Hey Max

Well done for the 7 days, that's a great start. Sounds like you need some support for sure. I go to AA, and i get what you mean. I use AA for somewhere to go where there are people trying to stop drinking, simple as that. I don't identify with most people but normally there is one person that says something that I identify with in each meeting, even if it's something funny. There are other groups i am sure that you can find to attend though for alcohol and people looking to change their behaviours/life. Even going to a group where people are looking to lose a bit of weight for various reasons would be cool, doesn't need to be alcohol related? Anything at all to get some support, friendship and understanding would be amazing for you right now. Lots of online stuff like this forum and many different groups out there to join, that support each other if you aren't keen on the f2f side of support right now? You are going to have to do some exploring, which will definitely pay off if you even put a tiny amount of effort into it. You've clearly been doing some heavy drinking for a long, long time to get to where you are so do look at any milestone as a huge victory one day at a time. Stick around here though however you feel about it at the moment, even getting a few responses virtually can help:)

Welcome Max. I'm sorry you feel so sad and alone. I think many of us here have felt the same. I hope you continue to post, and whatever you do don't act on the 12 beers thoughts. They are only thoughts. You'll find that each time you resist the temptation you will be strengthened to give it another go 'tomorrow'. The days will build. The weight will drop, and your liver will respond accordingly with a big sigh of relief.

I don't go to aa either Max. I used to, but it was not what I wanted in the end. In the beginning though it did give me focus on the very thing that I wanted to achieve. Not picking up that first drink. I didn't care who it was that was speaking so long as they spoke about stopping drinking. Knowing that I had a meeting to go to on a particular night/nights kept the idea of not drinking alive in my mind. For this reason alone it was very useful.

I'm 17 months sober, and don't go to AA for similar reasons to your own, but in the beginning it kept my eye on the ball. Didn't care if Al Capone was in the Chair so long as he wasn't drinking. Besides, there are lots of meetings to choose from. Shop around. There's also SMART Recovery meetings which has a more practical focus and doesn't have god as centrepiece. I just come here now. I do hope you'll join us.

Your liver is in trouble Max, but our livers can rebound given the right conditions. You know what these conditions are. Set the conditions Max. Dont pick up that first drink. Dont worry about jobs and stuff, they come and go. So does money. Focus just on getting well, and believe that can do this, because you can.

Congrats on 7'days. Awesome.

Hi max, 7days is amazing, and everyday after is a little bit easier, the cans and wine won't help you feel any better, maybe a walk with your children will, just take it easy, and argue with that voice in your head, you don't need it, all the best

Welcome Max. 7 days is quite an accomplishment. Every day without alcohol will benefit your liver. If you read around the forum, you’ll find many folks who had liver issues. A couple of years ago I also had elevated liver enzymes and abstinence lowered them. I agree with Steely and Scdin that you should give AA and maybe other support groups a try for the reasons they stated. Are there any other AA meetings in close proximity you could try?

You can get well and 7 days is an awesome start. SR is a fabulous support system. Staying close by and posting as you feel like, will strengthen your recovery. I look forward to your future posts during your journey. 🤗

Welcome Max, i'm so glad you are here.

I can only really echo what others have said about AA. There are some online zoom meetings that are only big book based they live in the solution and you won't hear much if any of people just ranting about their days etc. Everyone's journey is their own. Take what you need and leave the rest.

I was your age when I finally quit. Before then I sort of quit many times, as in "most mornings I promised I wouldn't drink that day," so mostly I would quit for eight hours, and then start drinking after work. I'm serious! That was the extent of my "quitting." It was more like wishing I wouldn't do that to myself every day, but no actual quitting was ever involved.

In fact, it is my opinion (not everyone agrees with this) that not drinking for 6 months or a year and then drinking again does not qualify as quitting, nor does going without alcohol for 5 years and then drinking. This sort of behavior warrants the question, "So when do you really plan on quitting?" Like I said, many would disagree, but saying this to myself was what seemed to get me started in recovery. When I embraced life long sobriety, I was on my way. I think that was my key, as it was the recognition once and for all that I could never ever learn to moderate my drinking habit. It had to be all or nothing. When someone told me that quitting needed to be for life, I recognized two things: 1) I had never seriously considered that, and 2)The strategy made sense, although it did present some issues I would have to deal with.

My perception is that you like it because it appeases your addiction. You like stopping the anxiety and the jitters by taking a drink and then another. You drink because you are addicted. You may like it for some secondary reasons too, but addiction is the heart of the problem.

AA is not for everyone. Its one help for me was the community. Even as an atheist, members still wanted me to get sober, and would share their nuts and bolts non-religious tips that got them through tough spots. Of course they told me I needed to believe what they believed about the supernatural too, but I disregarded that, and instead I accepted my own responsibility in the solution.

No one ever plans to be an alcoholic, and most people don't become one, but for whatever reason, we got dealt the bad hand, and here we are. Our solution is just like it is in a poker game. Fold and withdraw from the table. You lost the hand, but unlike a poker hand, alcoholics never have the hope that the next deal will be any better. We need to find something else to do with our lives and quit playing a game that we will always lose. There's more to life than just that one game.

It's not about losing THIS TIME. You need to quit playing such a deadly game. Your skills lie elsewhere, and recovery is about finding those other skills. And we can help, but that's all. You have to do the work, but we can help. But there is hope. If others can do it, you can too.

Welcome to SR Max. I know you are still feeling hung out there in the wind, but 7 days sober is a really amazing start. 7 tough foundational days to build on. Your body will heal from the alcohol. Here is the thing too - alcohol will do nothing but make your remaining challenges worse or insurmountable. Your health, your marriage, your other relationships your career. All in jeopardy if you continue to drink but all of those things will improve vastly if you stop drinking for good. I hope you can get some in-real-life support too - no AA or God necessary. SR is a great place to connect online too. This place is one of the main reasons I got sober and stayed sober 18 months.

Congrats on 7 days keep it up!! Seems to me you have ample reasons for motivation to quit....

Thanks for all the support, it brings tears to my eyes.

Last night was bad, but not too bad. I have some Rx sleep aid that my Doc gave me for rescue. He told me that he'd rather have me take one of them every night than ever drink again and has said several times that I need to quit for good and that he's worried about me. He's a great Doc, been with him for 10 years now -lots of ups and downs. When I say last night was bad, it was because I was really emotional, and I just kept thinking about having just one beer or a glass of wine to take the edge off, but I ended up going to bed instead. To tell the truth, it doesn't seem like much of a victory.

Does anyone here relate to actually feeling physically worse when you quit? I know my liver is damaged and I have studied about what's going on quite a bit, I'm like that, I study things. But, these past few days, especially, even though I haven't had a drink since May 31st, when I wake up, I feel like I've been hit by a truck: headache, dry mouth, the whole 9 yards. It feels worse than a hangover for an hour or two depending on how much sleep I was able to get.

Also, the longest I've gone w/o alcohol in the past 30+ years is about 6 months, and the headaches were blistering. They never stopped. I kept asking my Doc, and he said that they would fade eventually, but they didn't, and I started drinking again with a vengeance, slamming half a bottle of red wine in one go because I thought I would lose my mind from the headaches. In less than 10 minutes after drinking the wine, the headache was gone. When I really tried to quit last time, I also had bright neon green poop, diarrhea, etc., that went on for months. Did anyone else go through that. Even my Doc said he wasn't sure when that would end, but that food was moving through my system too quickly and the bile was coming out before it could do its job.

I know I have to do this, I HAVE to quit, or all of my life is a waste and my children will grow up w/o a Dad, they kind of have already to some degree, as I have not been involved with their lives as much as I should have been. I get very sad about that. I also think about my hobbies, my passions, I do nothing when I drink, except watch other people do their hobbies and passions on TV or on the computer. I often think how silly-stupid that is.

I really want to quit. Thanks for reading this and this for your support.

-Max

Its lovely to have you hear and I can hear the motivation in your posts. You will do it and will be the dad you want to be now and in the future. Keep the faith and keep close. You have made an amazing start! :c011:

Try changing your diet, slowly work in a exercise program, Advil for the headaches, stay hydrated....You can do it. You have a good start.

Yes, I have felt worse after stopping Max. This changes with time. Seven days is early Max. Keep putting one foot in front of other and ignore those thoughts that are set on destruction. Time to live. Remind yourself.

You say not much of a victory. It was great victory in that you are truly giving your liver a chance to heal. Every day counts.

Hang in Max. It's worth it. Honestly.

Max, I have been listening to an audiobook called Alcohol Explained this week—it really does explain clearly and simply what is happening physiologically and psychologically to drinkers when drinking and also when we quit, and I think this could be really helpful to you right now.

Please check it out—it also is available in print and through kindle.
You are doing great—it does get easier so hang in there—

Hi Max…I’m in my late 50s and I can relate to what you’re saying …I’ve binged on beers from all over the world. I loved the taste, and the buzz they all gave…Some a whole lot more than others…Didn’t do wine that much, except when I ran out of beer and couldn’t drive to the store for more.

Anyway, I realized the beer or the alcohol in general just wasn’t doing it for me anymore…A six pack on weekends turned into a 12 pack and a few shots of vodka 4-5 days a week or even every night for several weeks at a time. Yeah I would quit for awhile maybe a week or two but soon as I recovered I was back at it bigger than ever.

Like you said, the health became a major concern and thoughts of my family became a priority. So I quit. Wasn’t easy at all during the first couple months but after the horrible paws symptoms, things finally started to mellow out. I’ve only got a little over 5 months in but the symptoms have significantly improved. Still getting there, but I’m glad I made a great decision to remain sober.

Please hang in there and I understand how you feel. Like those here that kept telling me over and over again…It Will Get Better!

Keep reading, keep posting, and keep coming back here to get the support you need to stay strong and stay sober…I wanna hear from you.

See ya soon.

😇🙏🏾👍🏾✌🏾

:grouphug: :welcome