Thank you for sharing this! I just looked it up on Audible. Which author is it? There are 3 authors of the same title.

Thank you, and thanks to everyone. I'm feeling all kinds of emotions. I know what's happening, this has happened before, anger, sadness, brief fleeting moments of happiness, it's a roller coaster. In just almost 8 full days, my lower leg edema (swelling) has gone down quite a bit. That itself is encouraging. The pain of puffed up feet really sucks. I hope I can hang in there.

One thing I would like to share is that I have used CBD oil to good effect. I buy it, when I can from Green Gorilla -hope it's not against the rules to put that here. It's the purest or one of the purest on the market. I have to pass a 12 panel drug screening for every contract I get, and I have never had an issue while using it. The CBD oil was suggested by a friend who had serious inflammation issues from diabetes. I resisted for years and finally tried it for my chronic pains and anxiety. It works pretty well. I have been using both the liquid and the gummies, quite a bit more than usual since I stopped alcohol. I helps mellow me out some. I thought I should at least share something that might help someone going through this mess.

One of the things that keeps coming back up in my mind is all the times, especially over the past 10 years, that I have been mean to my wife. She's a wonderful, heart of gold woman, and has put up with me for so long, now she's starting fall apart, and it's mostly my fault, my emotional outbursts, when I was hung over especially, were terrible to her. I never hit her or anything like that, I never would, but I would take things out on her and I feel so bad, so terrible about it. We are both in counseling, I have been for about 5 years, and she just started. I hope we can repair the damage. Sorry for the ramble.

Thanks,
Max

Hi Max

One of my drugs of choice was pot, so I’ve decided not to use CBD products. You don’t say but if you’re using the kind with THC I’d be very very careful.

It’s very easy to use one drug to get off another and find yourself with a whole new problem.

D

Welcome max and congrats on 1 week. I go to smart meetings and would recommend them. It's all about looking forward taking responsibility and learning coping techniques. Cbt and rebt stuff. Great stuff to be applied in life as well as not drinking.

I was worried about that, but it's THC free. I've smoked pot ages ago, know what it feels like. I hate the stuff to tell the truth, makes me stupid and paranoid -I'm already dumb enough 'eh? Like I said, I've passed at least 6 drug screenings while using the Green Gorilla CBD oil. Their salve helps my aching feet a bit too. You could check out their products if you search on: "I love green gorilla CBD." I get your meaning on getting stuck on one thing right after alcohol, it's happened to a couple people I know who have quit drinking, but are now pot-heads or stuck on benzos.

Author is William Porter :)

Hi Max,
I am in my 50's a mum with two young children, and have drunk heavily in different ways for over 30 years - still shocks me when I write it. I am only 20 or so days sober and have had as you say 'blistering headaches' ever since, insomnia, pains in feet and numerous other aches. I don't go to AA just because I hate being in 'groups' of people - here is great for me because it's less intrusive and does not make me anxious - it's also full of experience and understanding and wisdom, people who have walked the same road and who will get what you are going through.
Your biggest motivator has to be your children - it is for me - has too - they cant lose their Dad - no way - take back your life and live it and watch your children grow - you can do it - keep posting here and just accept it's time to stop drinking. People here will support you.

Thank you! I'm trying. I know that I need to do this, no choice. I was thinking about going back to my local AA meeting, maybe one night this week I'll go by.

Thank you! I just got it on Audible. I see there is a part 2 as well. I'll give it a try.

I felt like absolute garbage when I quit and felt like garbage for weeks after. I was a MESS. On some days all I could do was come home from work and close the bedroom door to lay in the dark. I was overstimulated, over everything and did not see any light anywhere. It was very dark. I employed the "fake it until I made it" method. Every hour was accounted for as to what I was doing and how I was doing it. A strict program of reading, SR, work, Tea, exercise, bedtime and wake up. I literally became a drill sergeant for my life. The "fake it till you make it" slowly became the "I see light. This is working. Its tough but I can do this"

I don't feel troubled any longer and I wake up daily with gratitude and hope. To win and succeed. Raising your life condition and getting your health back. Trust the process. We are here for you.

I take magnesium when I get headaches and it works. Magnesium Glycinate. Just a thought.

I’ve listened to a couple of podcasts by the author of this book. He’s SPECTACULAR! As Hawkeye points out, the information he provides is so clear. Makes perfect sense. It’s going a long way in keeping me from drinking again. I also think it will be a huge help to you too.. Though I haven’t read the book yet, it’s next on my list. I recommend it too.

You can also go on youtube and look up AA speakers. There is a ton of good stuff there. Two of my favorites are Chuck C. and Sandy Beach...check them out I think you will enjoy it.

How are doing today Max?

How wonderful it is to come back to this forum and have someone ask me that. My own wife barely asks, seems irritated by me all the time -she doesn't know that I've quit. That aside, I feel 'okay.' Well, I woke up with a pounding headache, dry mouth, kind of achy, a bit disoriented; it's weird, I feel pretty much like I got my drink on pretty well last night, I mean LOADED, like I plowed through 10-15 beers and a couple bottles of wine, but I had nothing but mineral water. I'm surprised that I don't have diarrhea, sorry if that's TMI, but I usually would by now, which is going on 9 days. 9 days after midnight, or however one counts.

I'm hanging in there, I need to take my vitamins and supps and a small dose of ibuprofen and I'll feel better. I wish I could sleep for about a week, somehow it feels like if I could do that, that my body would heal enough that I wouldn't feel so bad when I wake up. Wishful thinking I guess. Thanks for asking, thank you very much! At some point, I guess I should start another post about the number of days or my progress in another part of the forum?

Thanks again,
Max

You can share days or not—not everyone counts, so whatever feels best to you. I know what you mean about feeling like you were drinking even when you aren’t—my body seemed to take quite a long time to detox fully in the past few years due to my years of drinking. The sleep will certainly improve and may even amaze you—you haven’t had a proper number of deep restful sleep / REM cycles in years most likely if you were a daily / frequent drinker. I drank to sleep, as many did here, and ironically, drinking really hurts your sleep—did you wake up in the wee hours pretty often? I did, and would sometimes drink to get back to sleep, and wake up exhausted.

My spouse was really angry with me too when I quit—just about to separate—I suggest just keep working on your sobriety and recovery, be nice and do you share around the house, etc., don’t talk too much about how you are getting sober (they have heard it all before and don’t trust you yet) and let your positive actions speak for you instead of using words.

Hydration, sleep, gentle exercise, lots of warm showers and distractions that you enjoy like old movies, reading, puzzles, journaling, etc. can help get through restless nights and the anxiety which will surge a little at times but over time typically gradually diminish.

Keep positive, and very important to be kind to yourself in word and deed right now.

Many people on this list have reported their liver function healing and improving greatly from stopping drinking for good—so just keep getting those sober days one by one, and you may be very surprised how much better your health, digestion and general sense of well-being improves in as little as a month.

Well done on another day! I also feel if I could just sleep for 12 hours or more every day I would feel a lot better - but I can't. I didn't tell my husband I had quite until I had done 2 weeks sober, simply because he would have not believed me. I have told him now, and he's sort of 'yeah ok' - And that's fine - he is not the type to pour endless empathy my way - I think use the people here for your support, sometimes expecting a partner/wife/husband to be your support just doesn't work - because you will want more than they can give, and that is no judgement on them, it's just too much to expect from them.
If you have time, I do recommend reading some of the old threads here, it is so good to feel you are part of a community of people that have been were you are. Hang on in there!

Hey Max, read your posts and just letting you know I know of other people that were in your condition who, without drinking, drastically improved their livers. If you don’t mind me asking how did you get diagnosed? Was it from an ultrasound, blood work etc.

thanks.

Max, we do understand how hard this is. And, I agree, things seem to get worse before they start to improve and it's hard to be patient. But, there is no way around it, but to go through it. Be patient with yourself and continue to focus on your sobriety. Understand that your wife is suffering too and even though she's not asking how you are doing, I know she will be glad you have stopped drinking.

My primary care provider first noticed my AST and ALT levels were way out of whack several years back, probably 5 years ago or more. He asked me then how much I'd been drinking. And I tried to taper off but never really did. I think I made it for almost 6 weeks in the past 5 years as the longest I've been without maybe it was just a bit longer than 6 weeks and I finally gave into the headaches. I've had subsequent blood work, ultrasounds, fibrogram, CT scan, pretty much everything they can check without doing the liver biopsy. My MELD score was right at the cutoff of needing to meet with a transplant team about 6 months ago and I had quit then but only lasted for a few weeks. I'm overdue to see my hepatologist, or fear that he's just going to get pissed off at me. He's a really nice guy, but he had challenged me to do better and to take care of myself, lose weight the whole nine yards so I could be around for my family and that I wouldn't have to have a transplant. I need to go ahead and schedule those appointments and get the testing done again and see where I'm at. Based on how I feel these days and the slight amount of jaundice I see in my eyes, I'm guessing that my bilirubin is up past four five and my STNL tier in the range that shows alcohol abuse. They need to check something called INR and a couple other things to calculate a meld score, but in any event I do indeed have cirrhosis. I was told it's the early stage, however It wouldn't take much to push me over. In addition, I have something called steatosis, fatty liver. I have the highest level of fatty liver that they can diagnose. The advice is continually been stopped drinking because if you drink alcohol with a fatty liver it's like pouring gasoline on a fire. Also the advice has been to lose the weight I need to lose at least 125 lb to be back at close to my healthy weight. I've done that before, I know how to lose the weight, I just don't seem to have the discipline anymore to eat properly for my body type. As I had said the battle with the bulge has been a lifelong thing, it runs in my family big time and so does fatty liver actually. Even the skinny people and my family have fatty liver. I've studied a lot about this stuff because I'm a nerd and that's what I do when I want to learn and understand. Given what I do know one would think I just dropped the bottle and never go back but I always seem to go back. So I hope that answers your question. Long answer to a short question I know. If you're concerned about your health you really should get to your doctor and get a complete blood work. Tell him you want to calculate your MELD score so they will have to add in the test for the INR, and maybe another test or two. If your dog's a good dog hopefully they'll do a complete workout and they'll be able to tell fairly quickly where you're at. If they suspect cirrhosis then you'll go in for an ultrasound, and you should definitely have an endoscopy, the scope that goes down your throat. I've had two done. Severe alcoholics with cirrhosis get something called esophageal varices. They are veins that grow very big in the esophagus because the liver is swollen and the blood can't find its normal route back to the heart to be oxygenated through what's called the portal vein. Anyway once again sorry for the long answer. I wanted to be a doctor when I was a kid I'm still fascinated by it, but I think that chance for me is gone but that's okay. For now I would just like to never drink again. If I could have one wish for myself and a selfish way, that would be it. I'd rather wish good things for my children and my wife and my folks and whatnot, but I really just want my life back. And yes there are some very good documented cases of the liver healing far more than the experts expected to. There is a point however, when the cirrhosis is so bad, that a liver transplant is the only option. I'm just hoping I'm not at that point. When I work up the courage to call the gastroenterologist office and get my appointment set up, I'll post the results here. If you look up MELD score it can tell you a lot.

Thanks to everyone for the support.

Max

Stay sober and make a concerted effort to improve your health overall, and things will fall into place. :hug: