Is it Alcohol or other problems
 

Dee made an excellent point.

I feel my alcoholism is definitely more due to unresolved issues and resentment on my daughter.

Do others just drink because they enjoy it to have a good time with company etc?

All thoughts welcome

At first I only drank to have a good time in social settings but when I started drinking wine to cope (while alone at home no less!) I realized I had a problem. I took some online quiz of the 'are you an alcoholic?' variety and it said I had a drinking problem. Drinking alone and using alcohol as a coping mechanism? Check and check. Once I read that I began to feel shame, anxiety and disappointment in myself every time I drank. That little bit of knowledge took the fun away.

I tried moderating, didn't work. I've been sober for the majority of the last few years but sooner or later would slip again. I'm here for good now :c015:

I saw counselors thinking that if I could understand what unresolved problems caused me to drink, I would be able to quit. What I had to come to terms with was that I was addicted to alcohol. Plain and simple addiction! Any problems I did have were the result of my drinking.

I know that my alcoholism was due to mental health issues. Depression and anxiety had plagued me since my early teenage years and I was exhausted from trying to cope and trying to find solutions to help myself that never ended up working. Alcohol pulled me in with a promise of relief. But, the relief was SO brief and the negative impact on my life was SO huge.

Similar to others, I used to think hardships were the reason I drank so hard and my belief was that if I could isolate and resolve some issues like anger and grief then I would be able to control my drinking and not be a binge drinker. Put another way, I sometimes toyed with the idea of going to therapy so I could become a "normal drinker".

But heres the thing, my drinking had long passed the point of being normal and was out of control binge drinking whenever I started. And almost each time I started, I did so in a social setting like a bar, party, social gathering but Id end up the next day or several days drinking by myself.

What it comes down to for me is that issues I need to work through are much easier now that Im sober and they are less intense or even barely noticeable now that they aren't exacerbated by alcohol.

I always felt like crap so, to me, alcohol allowed me to be the person I wanted to be either in reality or in my head. Alcohol stopped me thinking and reduced my anxiety. Best painkiller I ever took. I demonised alcohol from the very start as i had been taught that it is wrong. At 17 i declared myself an alcoholic on my mothers recommendation and was telling people i was in pubs who would just scratch their heads as they knew real alcoholics. My best friends Dad died from alcohol related health issues when his Dad was in his early 40s, i reminded him i was an alcoholic too and he almost punched me out as my every other day drinking didn't compare to his dead Dads 24/7 7 days a week.

I thought if I resolved my mental health problems....anxiety; depression; lack confidence; low self esteem; guilt, etc., I'd resolve my drinking problem. It didn't work out that way. I'd crossed "the thin red line" with any return to drinking always involving a return to mental health problems.

Slowly I'm working on the anxiety etc., but it means permanent abstinence. Grateful I've been given the chance. Given myself the chance. This in itself is a huge step forward.

Take the "great leap forward", is my advice. It's so worth it.

Alcoholism is alcoholism: regardless of factors I would have always had a physiological reaction which meant I felt an overwhelming compulsion to continue drinking once I started. Sure there were myriad of factors I had to work on/through to recover but even if I was at a state of total serenity and peace then the physiological side of the compulsion to drink more would be there if I drank again. Therefore the only solution is total abstinence.

FWIW, my recovery is rooted in A.A. so that obviously informs my response here.

I define a "real alcoholic" as follows:
1. Has a physical allergy that manifests as always wanting more drinks after taking the first drink.
2. Has a mental obsession that keeps them picking up that first drink time and again even after firmly resolving never to drink again.
3. Because of (1) and (2), is essentially hopeless apart from some form of spiritual solution or "moral psychology" (Big Book, p. xxvii) -- essentially a fundamental shift of perspective.

Someone either fits that definition or they don't. If they do, then blaming their alcoholism on anything else merely enables the disease to keep destroying the alcoholic's life. Having said that, the Big Book also tells us that: "Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions." I understand this to mean that if all we do is come to agree with (1) and (2) above but never identify and remove the neurotic/destructive/delusional beliefs that block us from accessing the Power necessary to solve our problem -- then we'll just keep getting drunk. The way we "get down to causes and conditions" in A.A. is via the Steps.

Alcohol is the common denominator in most issues that cause me stress or concern, primarily my overall health and stamina, weight, and depression and anxiety. Sure, there’s a temporary balm or soothing effect, but that is met with rebounding anxiety and depression.

I believe that addiction is a distinct and separate issue/syndrome/disease ( or whatever you choose to call it). Certainly it is intertwined with other issues in our lives, and for me personally, my drinking was an attempt to self-medicate my anxiety. Remember that alcohol itself is a powerful central nervous system depressant, and it functions a lot like some drugs prescribed for anxiety - like benzodiazepines for example.

Having said that, I too tried to figure out "Why" I was an alcoholic for many years. And in the end, I was really trying to do so so I could fix whatever the problem was and start drinking normally again. The solution for me was to simply accept that I am indeed an alcoholic, and that no matter why, the only solution was to stop drinking permanently.

I think there are many versions, mental health is very complex and individual. But I also think it's perfectly possible to work on different issues simultaneously, just focusing on improvement, without trying to figure out the chicken and the egg (might not even be possible to tease that out). Even if the solution is not perfect or linear.

Good point. I think for myself there were countless contributing factors, for one thing I have bipolar disorder, which in itself turned me into a wild woman when I was younger and I’m not bragging, far from it. I hurt so many loved ones that at this point in my life I cannot bear the grief and remorse.

I believe I was predisposed to have an alcohol problem coming from an abusive alcoholic family. But had I never tried alcohol I would never of become addicted, predisposed or not. You can't get addicted to something you have never had.

That said once the relief was experienced I wanted it more and more. To celebrate, medicate, commiserate - whatever. A drink was the answer until it wasn't anymore. Then you drink because you have to, you hate it but you do it. It engrosses you, it becomes you and will kill you ...unless you break free.

Its complicated!

I’m not in any way disagreeing with your post, Chris, but I do worry when people start analysing why they drink whilst they’re still drinking.

The chances are they’re drinking because they’ve become addicted to alcohol. Something may have triggered that in the past, but the alcohol won’t have helped then or now.

I was a nasty guy at times in my drinking days. Even during the daytime when sober, I’d think negatively of others. That thankfully went away eventually after I quit.

I’d seriously quit drinking first and a lot of bad stuff will go away.

It was a compulsion for me. I liked to have a few drinks and socialize often but then I kept drinking after I was down to drinking alone and didn't even enjoy it anymore.

I had no trauma or abuse in my childhood and I became and end-stage alcoholic by 30.

All posts have been fantastic and I'm only singling this one as it's basically written exactly for me too.

I've still got a long way to go but the posts so far have been really interesting.

Thanks all.

Stress and feelings of low self-esteem contributed to my drinking. I never felt as was as good as other people. Always felt like an imposter at work, so worked harder at work than others so they wouldn't find out I didn't belong. Every time I was critisized over something told me they were on to me, so had to work even hard to keep my cover. It was an endless cycle. Work harder, put in more time. It never worked. Had to find a way to relax and forget. Alcohol was the only way I new to do this. Obviously this was a disaster waiting to happen, but I was so focused on hiding what I thought was my weaknesses I didn't see it coming. I didn't just lose time with my drinking, but lost time with my family and friends. Lost a lot. Now drinking has become a lifestyle. No where as bad as it was, but it's still there. John

I tend to think of alcohol as both the symptom and the cause - it's that powerful. I chased the drunk to escape from the feelings of self-unworthiness, avoidance, shame etc - but then the booze creates this sick, brutal cycle where it creates and magnifies those very negative feelings that it temporarily salves. Once we are deep in the drinking life, the issues, complexes, problems that drove us there are not things that we can deal with. Booze makes just performing the basic life obligations difficult.

I realized, at the end of my drinking days, that only in sobriety could I really start to deal with the obstacles, complexes and feelings about myself that needed fixing. Quit first. Do it without making an excuse that you aren't totally fixed. Drop the booze for good and then, finally, you can start healing.

I have had plenty of counseling, enough to know that there were childhood issues - loss of my sister, and primary caregivers, absentee father, divorce, etc. I drank initially to overcome my attachment disorder, shyness and anxiety - but it became a regular habit. Once established, the shame from it, as well as relationship problems and codependency became toxic. By then I wasn't drinking that much, but it didn't matter because I couldn't stop, and once you're in the addiction, other disorders or problems cannot be resolved.

Many of us used alcohol to numb ourselves from other issues but eventually it takes over and nothing else gets resolved until you can quit.

Many paths lead in.
One path leads out.
I focused on how to stay on that path out until I got out.

Best of luck on your journey! :ring

For me it’s because I don’t value myself, it’s like a self harm for me. Also another reason is bordem and loneliness but I cant change that environment until I’v been sober for a while but you have to try regardless. If your an alcoholic and you hate drinking but do it anyway then you better believe it’s because of mental issues or the environment that your living in and if you don’t sort those issues out you’ll be forever drinking because your pissing in the wind

This was more or less my story. It was fun, started to change into a coping mechanism, drank far too much, it caused problems, tried to moderate and that didn't work (cycled a few times here), finally worked out that permanent sobriety was the only solution.

The 1st time I drank alcohol I drank to excess.
Every time after that I drank to get drunk. Not the taste, I hated the taste at 1st but forced myself to get used to it, not to relax, just to get drunk.
I have no idea why I just wanted more and more.
My childhood wasn't story book but wasn't horrible either.
I have no mental issues other than some anxiety.

Seems I was born with a taste for alcohols effects.

I drank because of the classic HALT 'syndrome' - hunger, anger, loneliness and tiredness cycle. Never any enjoyment. I was trying to replace all of these. Initially it was through food but it moved on to alcohol. Never in company, always on my own.

Sorry I can not be more constructive.