Beav, I hated myself when I was drinking, too. It's what drinking does to us, and it helps to keep us hooked. Try to brush yourself off, focus on the positives in your life, and move forward. This doesn't have to happen again and you can make sure it doesn't.

Good sleep is a good start Beav. I'm glad you're doing better now.

I'd suggest that you really pay attention to anything that induces even a slight amount of emotional discomfort. Figure out what that's about. Figure out how that sort of thing came to be so bothersome for you. Decide that you can handle whatever that is as a grown competent person - because you can. Decide today, right now, that you will never again use alcohol to avoid that emotional discomfort. It sucks for awhile. It's hard work to sit through that crap and just let it be whatever it is. But the rewards are worth it.

rainy, I'm sorry to hear you drank again and am glad you're back here with us. You are not an idiot and you are not weak. You are addicted. You know how to never let that addiction get you again. Good to see you fighting.

I couldn't stand hating myself when I was drinking. There is away out, and you already know what it is. I'm much happier liking myself and feeling - dare I say - proud of myself? Pride is a sin? It sure doesn't feel like it in this case.

Hows it going Beav?

D

I'm stopping by to check on Beav too. :)

Hey All,

thanks so much for the nice messages. Happy to say I'm doing well at just over 6 days 5 hours!.

Feeling waaay better than I was and sleeping lots and getting myself back on track. Hope you are all well also.

Beav

good to hear Beav

D

The concept of quitting alcoholism is theory is the easiest thing is the world. You get better in a matter of hours, it get even better in days, week and months. It's the best drug ever.

I still read the threads from the long-term quitters and their zero-desire to drink and I wanna get their yet there's the AV that doesn't wanna reach the promise land. "The AV is always wrong" to quote Dee. He knows the script.

The nature of the AV is to "not want to quit" the whole point of existence of the AV is to get drink into you to feed the drive for alcohol that has been created in the brain. This drive can't be totally removed once it has been created, so therefore neither can the AV.
The trick I use is to separate my higher cognitive functions from the desire to drink and recognize it's gofer the AV as excuses to drink, because there are no reasons to, alcohol solves nothing.
I do not want this thing as part of me, it was destroying me. So I isolate it and freeze it out of who I want to be.
So it doesn't matter whether the desire to drink is there or not or if the AV is suggesting drink as a "solution" for anything or not, just don't act upon it and you won't drink.

*my mistake, there is ONE reason to drink, to feel the pleasure the drug induces in the brains reward system or to chase that pleasure once it has passed.