I was so hopeful
 

I drank yesterday. It was my birthday celebration and I gave it. I drank a bottle. I actually had more alcohol and it was in the cup. I dumped it and sobered up. I was doing so well too...6 weeks and now its all gone :(. I have pain near my liver and I puked up blood.
I'm so anxious. So so anxious.

Anxiousrock: Hope is a rope. Grab hold and pull yourself out.

It will all be ok once you get back on board.

The 6 weeks haven't gone. Still there firmly in place for you to reflect upon and to remember how much better it is to be be sober. Even if feeling anxious. Hmmmm, fell for the old "celebrate my birthday" trick. We've all done it . Doesn't ever have to happen again. It's happened to me.

I would see my doctor about vomiting blood. Could have been just a small blood vessel bursting when you vomited.

Its going to be ok.

It is not all gone Samantha. Your body thanks you for the last 6 weeks even though it is cursing you for yesterday. Get back on the sober train. Puking blood and liver pain DEFINITELY warrant a telehealth appointment and perhaps a visit to the doc. Call them up tomorrow first thing. Don't let your anxiety tell you that "eff it, you are sick already and another day won't matter, so let's drink again." I'm sure that is what your head is telling you. The 6 weeks you have is not gone. Build on it. Good for you for posting.

you were right to have hope Samantha - but wrong to think that drinking might be different for you now.
It never is.

I hope you'll be seeing a Dr - throwing up blood - there could be many reasons ranging from burst blood vessels on up...but it's always something to get checked out

D

Get right back at it. 6 weeks sober is a good thing. Your body had 6 weeks to clean up and you had a slip but you still have way more sober days than drinking days lately. I am sure you are fine but put it to rest and talk to a doc.

I really feel for you....I have been in your position so many times and it's hard to have those weeks and then relapse. You really haven't lost them though. Every time you quit you are building more and more of the skills you need to stay quit. Feel bad for a day or two then get up and carry on. You CAN do it....it just takes some time.

Maybe see your doctor too about the blood. Do what you can to look after yourself. Sending some love your way :hug:xxx

You never need to drink again.

It's said the relapse happens before the drinking starts. In your previous post you wrote:

You were setting yourself up to drink. You didn't make a plan for the five days off, didn't post before you drank. You made the decision to drink, and did. You see how the addiction works. You can't let yourself be taken off guard. Make this next run at it lasting sobriety.

Thanks everyone. I have just finished a challenge at my gym and it ended Saturday so no I didn't have a plan in place ....after eating perfectly and exercising 19 times a week for over a month....yes 19! I wanted to just relax and not have anything to do. We have a heat wave here and I don't have air conditioning ao in just sitting in the basement.
of course this only adds to my stress and anxiety.
plus I puke almost every time I drink so that can't be good for my heart and body.
ugh.

Hang in there anxious. Focus on what you learned from this latest relapse and start planning. Last time I knew ahead of time that I was coming up on a day that I would have strong AV activity so I posted about it the day before so that when I woke up I could read the messages. Do you think that you exercised to hard and maybe that played into it too?

I'm not sure. I think i just didn't try hard enough. But now I'm super tired because I cant sleep well during the heatwave, can't exercise cause its too hot and im eating bad food so I hate myself for so many reasons.

Happy belated Birthday, Samantha.

I hope you talk to your Doctor and get checked out.

I'm glad you stopped drinking, and are back to work on your sobriety. Make a plan that includes how to deal with occasions like birthdays. :)

Anxiousrock, It's not about "trying hard" as much as its about "changing your mindset", in my opinion. I drank heavily for many years and had many quits that only lasted a day or so. I always hated on myself for not having the "willpower" to stop.

Today, I'm almost at 6 months sober. I'm still blown away that I'm doing this. It's been challenging yes but in all honesty, with my new view on alcohol, It hasn't been all that bad. The old me would say to self "its not fair, theyre having fun, why can't I?, I'm missing out"....so there was always a yearning for something I couldn't have. The new me says to self "Wow, look at what alcohol is doing to our society? I'm so lucky and grateful to be free of it...It's so sad to see so many people suffer from this awful substance." And I remind myself about the huge role media and advertising plays in glorifying alcohol. I'm on the other side now, thank you very much!

All that said, I still needed a replacement though (a release). For now, I'm big on dark chocolate, a bag of chips and a movie. The feeling I get when I'm laid back doing this is quite similar to the release I got by "manually" adjusting my mood with alcohol.

Peace to you!

Yeah you need to stop hating yourself. Just by coming here and trying makes you an awesome person and don't take away from that. Try to stop the negative thinking. I agree that it has been hot here too and I have not been exercising like I should. I started going out early before the heat or working out later after the sun is setting.

Thanks everyone. I am just so tired from eating bad food, being super anxious and the heat is horrible.

Go out at sunset and go for a walk

The last time I gave in to temptation I went back out for years. You came here to tell what happened, & I'm sure you learned something. It's never going to be fun, relaxing, or exciting ever again. It's poison to us now & always. Be glad you know that. Better days are ahead, Samantha.

I think a plan is essential :)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html

Thanks eveyone this is all helpful. I'm hoping tomorrow I can get shopping for more healthy food and exercise a bit but its sooooooo hot i brought the cat out earlier and immediately got a headache. Also I dislike grocery shopping right now because I hate spending so much money at once and I don't like being around people just yet.

I hear you Anxious. I have food intolerance: no gluten or dairy. Before I developed an alcohol problem I had issues with food and self-esteem. I was a binge eater mostly at night so having a bad belly has been the vein of my existence! Alcohol seemed to ease my symptoms (diarrhea every day...sorry gross!). Keeping things moving through the digestive tract is a main priority. My longest quit before this was 53 days and the reason I drank was because I couldn't go to the bathroom. Overall, eating junk makes me feel like junk.

But I'm re-developing my relationship with food. I'm trying to balance things out so I'm eating mostly veggies and stuff but I still have my treats in between. Planning what I'm going to eat is where a lot of my time goes now. Planning will also limit the amount of time you have to spend shopping.

Hope today is a good day for you:)