Sorry not to respond sooner, I got called to do some household chores right after I posted. I'm tired of being treated like a sheep by our "leaders". Telling us what is essential and non essential business, constantly changing their mind on when to open up, always delaying etc....I've just had it.

I had to turn it down, I can't wear a mask, I have scarring on my lungs and I'm prone to pneumonia and respiratory inflammation.

The obvious "it" would be our minds right? But its more than that, we are losing a identity, our self worth, our dignity, our pride, the list goes on. We are losing it all.

I"m sorry for leaving everyone hanging, we have company flying in today and I got called to do some chores. Please refer to my responses to others. I want to make clear I didn't lose my sobriety. The reason being probably is that there is no liquor in the house except for my wife's wine which I won't touch, and I was too busy to drive to the liquor store.

What I probably need to do is turn off the damn TV or at least change channels. Hope everyone is well, and again, sorry for leaving you hanging.


ps, if I would have drank yesterday, it would have been a disaster, I was in a really foul mood and even though its only 6AM right now I would be wanting a drink. Really sad.

That weird cos I have the same kind of issues and I've been told to wear a mask.

I hope you can find a job that makes a mask unecessary.

I'm not in the States so I'm not going to comment on specifics or get too close to politics - which is not allowed here for good reason.

Sorry you're down but glad you're sober
D

I won't mention it again, I knew I was walking a fine line on the politics rule.

Thanks I appreciate it..
My goodwill on that issue has been tested here the past couple of days.

D

Thanks for posting again Jeff.

Again, you are not alone in the frustrations and mental anguish that COVID is placing on everyone. The messaging is typically not particularly clear and in many cases doesn't make a lot of sense. I live in a small town away from capital cities. The supermarkets and hardware shops are open with lots of people getting their essential goods, but I can't go camping or to the beach where I would have zero contact with people. Drives me nuts too!

But, it is what it is, and the leaders are trying to do their best with limited knowledge about the virus and how to protect the masses. So yes, we are being treated like sheep (or guinea pigs), but it won't be forever. It's a learning curve for everyone and we will come out the other end, probably with a new 'norm'. Change is hard on all of us, particularly when we don't quite get the logic behind the decisions.

Patience and developing ways to cope is not easy (neither is sobriety), but in the big scheme of things, it is up to us to work out a way to survive with the new rules until it all settles. You are still Jeff, so you haven't lost your identity, self worth, dignity and pride. Just like the recovery process, come up with a plan to get through the next few months to save your sanity. For me, I'm getting some home projects done and learning how to make furniture to keep me occupied and busy. It is a great feeling to complete a new project and helps boost my spirits. I also live in hope that this will only be 6-12 months out of my whole lifetime and a chance to learn something new.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that we are all in the same boat. Try not to let it get to you and use the opportunity to do something different while we're in this unknown space. It got to me to start with and I picked up the bottle again - that was a really stupid thing to do. It sure didn't fix anything!

Thoughts are with you - hang in there and try not to lose your mind.....

Definitely turn off the news.

I don't have broadcast TV news and I am learning all I need to learn online, when I want it, not 24/7 fear-mongering. I also don't go to facebook or online news (opinion) pages, just my local State and County Health Department sites. I look at the numbers once a day, make sure there aren't any new directives and then close it.

The news is drama-tainment. It isn't really necessary to watch it for more than a couple minutes. Anything more than that becomes slanted, biased, agenda-driven.

You don't need it, Jeff. Truly. Trust me on this!

biminiblue, I agree completely and am doing the same thing you are. Thanks for sharing!

I'm glad you are sober Jeff. Yeah, its a strange time. I feel really really sorry for the young ones. Imagine just graduating from college? That would suck in a way I can't imagine. I feel so sorry for my kid, who is 19, but at least she has 3 years or more of school. So she doesn't really have to enter a job market. And the social side? Forget about it. 18-25 yr olds aren't meant to be depending on their parents to be their besties. They should be out working and studying and having fun with their friends. Knowing what to say to her is pretty much impossible. I just empathize, validate and try not to react to her wide and varying moods.

I try not to think of myself in this situation. Gawd, my poor parents. In a home. My mom had to have oral surgery, she is 85 and has the mental development of a 3 year old. She had no idea what was going on, pulling the gauze out of her mouth, bleeding badly. My dad, 88, had an infection in his leg. Had to be hospitalized because he has very bad vascular disease and neuropathy. The wound had maggots. Yes, you heard that right. That's a long story. But no idea if the wound will heal. He could lose his leg. I don't know where I'm going with this....Mom had a serious stroke about 2 months ago too. I probably will never see them again. That's the long and short of it. I just ache for them....not in some child like, I want my mommy, kind of way. But I just feel so badly for them.

Seems to me no one, no matter how powerful or educated, really knows what to do right now. I believe that each of us needs to decide for ourselves how we handle daily life, taking into account social responsibility. It is patriotic to protect ourselves, our families and our communities, especially the vulnerable.

We will all adjust to this....its only been a few months. We will adjust to the loss too, which is sad. Kind of like mass shootings. Maybe I'm alone here, but they don't shock me anymore. I mean, its awful, but its like 'What's the body count?'. Yikes. 87K, 150k, 1M? We will adjust..,,.good or bad. And I think quite a few of us will die before this is 'over'. And then there will be another.

Maybe we can learn something. About ourselves. About each other. Maybe we can come out of this stronger.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't feel that was the issue/concern yesterday. I had faith in you walking through that problem. All the other crap that is going on for everybody at this time in history, well that is a whole nother thing!

I refuse to lose my identity, my self worth, my dignity, my pride. People and events might try to take those away from me, but they won't succeed. I can however give those things away, but I haven't come this far in life and recovery to only come this far. I ain't giving them away today and I am growing stronger because of it.

Be strong and true to yourself. That's is what really matters. All the other stuff is just blips in the timeline of our lives.

Glad that you are okay, Jeff.

Wow, sounds you are dealing with a lot. Prayers your way.

You bring up a good point about our youth. There is a generation of kids that are being scarred right now because of this situation. I probably won't live long enough to see the consequences, but I don't think its going to be good. This is a rare occasion where I am thankful I don't have kids.

I also feel this way. And do the same as Bim and Awake.

And I feel exactly the same as Carl.

Just wondering love, did you mean you can't wear a mask like I can't wear one....I am severely claustrophobic. I have no ability to wear one for more than a few minutes at a time. I have some though, and I find the neoprene ones cause less of a panic in me.

Just really stopping by to give you love and support. :hug: s ❤️

I got a lung infection when I was in my 20's and it left scarring on my lungs. I got pneumonia about 7 years ago and since then, I am very susceptible to pneumonia and complete respiratory inflammation.
Now, I did some research and I found a shield that I can wear. So I ordered a couple and if I get a job that requires these safety measures, I won't wear a mask, but I can wear this shield. Its the same kind of shield that surgeons wear in surgery. I got some cheap ones, like $18 a piece.

Ok, I am really glad you found something you can wear. :hug: s

I kind of think all jobs are going to require these safety measures for a long time, just my feeling.
I applied for a few things this week and then stepped back....I am going to have to wear a mask if I want to work.
That's pretty much the law here. Which I understand completely....just freaks me out panic-wise.

I am also not doing at all well in this Jeff....I had a massive breakdown this week. xx

I get it and I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I totally lost my **** on several people on facebook yesterday so I'm taking a break. No news except for once a day, no facebook. I'm starting to feel the burn. I got really triggered at Costco the other day of all places. I am hard of hearing and felt so disoriented. The store was rearranged and I couldn't see anyone's face to read their mouths and the masks muffle sound so much anyway. It sucked--I was confused and hypervigilent. Set me off for days.

I hope the job situation turns out ok.

are you OK venuscat?

Not so much. But I am trying to be. :hug: s ❤️