Day 86 and feeling wobbly
 

I'm having a wobble. As many of us are right now, trying to juggle two of us working from home and a young child at home all day. I have underlying mental health issues with all of this extra added anxiety on top. It all just feels too much :headbange

I've thought about drinking for a few days. I'm feeling those old cravings resurface and running over the pros and cons...AV is arguing with me. I haven't heard from them in a while.

I dont think I would drink tonight or even tomorrow but can feel myself headed towards that way.
I just needed to reach out for support.

AwkwardKitty it must be after midnight in the UK, right? It is 7:30 p.m. here on the east coast USA.

I've got a hundred and one questions, I am quickly realizing, but I'll just post a few for you to think about and answer here if you wish, or post anything else you wish, but please do post again soon.

You are sure about keeping sober tonight, right? Do you have alcohol in the house?

What's your plan for the night? Is it bedtime?

You say two of you are working at home. Is the other person aware of your wobble? Is s/he a drinker?

Get through tonight. Then get through tomorrow morning, then afternoon and night, then the next day. That's how this works, right?

Oh, I hope you hang on and get through this. These are tough times for all of us but you know that a few days of drinking will increase your anxiety, not get rid of it. And, it will be so hard to stop after a few days. Can you get outside for a solitary walk during the day, just to give yourself a break?

Eat something sweet. Journal. Read.

You want this, you can keep it!!!

At the end, alcohol had made my underlying mental health issues so insanely unmanageable I'm shocked that a mere 7 months later I'm better than I've ever been.

I went to the doctor for some meds to help and it seems to have made all the difference this time.

If you drink you get back on the merry go round, and your mental health will decline little by little.

Alcohol will never give me relief , just more hell, and when I FINALLY absolutely knew that, the nightmare was over.

Are there any real pros when it comes to drinking AK?

Don't argue - that gives your AV a chance to win the argument.

don't engage with it at all - its like a toddler - let it scream and cry and it will eventually tire itself out.

D

Sometimes I just stop and breath as slow and deep as I can for a few minutes. First regain control of breathing then regain control of my thoughts.

The way I see it, not for everybody but for me in particular. My personal relationship with God. A normal person can think of a cold beer and maybe between them and God it's no problem. I looked into the term sin. After all these years I didn't really know what it was. According to some of the religious stuff I looked at, I dont remember or particularly care exactly what religions. I respect all different religions and try and listen and think for myself. I just wanted to hear some views on it so I could make sense of it. What seemed to sum it up was anything that takes you off that path to God is a sin. Now I know even that path to God is something else to determine. What I'm pretty sure of though is that my path to God doesnt involve me wasting away my time with that poison.

At least for me as soon as I'm thinking about a drink I am detouring from God's path. I need to clear the mind, think of the result of the drink. The misery and all that stuff that comes with it. Any thought of it should be loud and clear, nothing good is going to happen. Not my fantasies of how I will just feel a comfortable buzz all night and the next day wont be that bad and the obsession won't be back and supercharged next time.

I guarantee you that if you drink, you will regret it big time. :( Don't give in to that voice. It's powerless unless you give it power. Don't do it. :hug:

There will come a day when you don't even think of drinking. It's hard now, but it won't always be this way. Get thru the hard times and they will get less difficult.

Try practicing gratitude too. That helps me a lot. :)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6682692

Its half past midnight here now. There is no alcohol in the house. There is a 24 hour shop nearby though. If I wanted to, I suppose I could get alcohol anytime. But I wont be doing that tonight.

It shod be bedtime but my brain is wired even though my body is tired. I feel full of ..something, I dont know what... angst? It's difficult without my normal routine. I feel really unsettled.

My husband knows about the wobble, I've been talking about it. He does drink but normally a few craft ales. He didn't drink today but he has been a few days in the past week.

I feel really hopeless tonight.

AK don't let fear and self doubt rule - you can deal with this - all of this - and not drink.

You will surprise yourself as how strong and competent you really are :)

I just wanted to let you know you havent lost me, I'm still on the sober train and just going into day 88.
At the end of 2019, even 8 days seemed like a mountain to climb but here I am and I'm not letting go of this one. Thinking back to all my day 1 posts and I dont want to be there again. I dont think my anxiety could take it. It's so hard right now, its 3am here and I can't sleep. The world is awful right now, everything has changed but I know I'm handling it so much better sober.

I think we all have the capacity to take this in our stride. It varies for person to person how long that takes...and all the while you have us here - you're not alone :)

D

I am really struggling with craving alcohol again this evening. I feel this need to escape. Even though I know all the negatives, part of me still wants it, like normal rules don't apply right now.

You can get through this, AwkwardKitty. That's how you will get stronger and keep going on this recovery journey. Stay close to SR tonight. :)

Just been videochatting with family. They were drinking wine, my hubby here is having some ale. I'm drinking one tea after another. It was really bad craving, really strong. I've got some chocolate and tea, I'm going to watch something funny.
This is really hard 😭

It is. But, we can do hard things. :)

Thank you ❤
I know we can, I know I can.
I know this would have been so much worse if I was drinking.

Awkward Kitty it is hard. I am at the same stage as you and have also been feeling jittery with cravings this last week. These are surreal times causing a lot of anxiety! You can get through this, and think about all the great sober time already achieved and not waking up in the morning hungover! We are so fortunate to be where we are in our sobriety and must not give it away. :grouphug:

It is hard AK - but not as hard as drinking again and trying to stop. Hang in there :)

D