A mess
 

I am a mess right now. Went to a work related Christmas party last night. Ended up going to 2 bars afterwards. Alone. Got blackout drunk. My nine year old son didn't want to go to school today. He cried and cried and I let him stay home. I ******* hate myself right now. Posting this is really hard. I feel sick. I am sick. Havent been on this site in a very long time. I used to love it when I was sober. That one summer I got sober.

What's stopping you from making today Day 1? Stop hating yourself and start fixing your life.

You can choose to make this Day 1. You don't have to feel like this again. :)

Hey ValT. I'm so sorry you feel that way. We make such bad decisions when we are hung over and just cannot muster grown-up responses to things like a kid not wanting to go to school. That is an awful feeling. My suggestion is to write off what has happened today. Enjoy the home day with your son and take advantage of the time together, even though you probably feel like ****. Spend the day getting ready for tomorrow. Getting you and your son cleaned, fed and prepped for tomorrow should be all you worry about. Keep it really really simple today. Then tomorrow is your Day 2!!! Back to basics dearest Val. Tomorrow, your only tasks besides not drinking are getting you and your son back into your swim lanes and go from there. Let us know how things are going Val. Tonight I think you and your son should eat an extra-large pizza with everything on it and enjoy each other's company. Get sober for him because he really needs you that way.

That sounds really scary. Blacking out is dangerous for anyone.

I hope you take this as your final wake up call and join us on the sober side.

I haven't done anything I don't remember in years now. :)

thank you for being supportive. This is so helpful, and I will follow your advice. Thank you for not judging me.

thank you

[QUOTE=ValThistle;7352557]I am a mess right now. Went to a work related Christmas party last night. Ended up going to 2 bars afterwards. Alone. Got blackout drunk. My nine year old son didn't want to go to school today. He cried and cried and I let him stay home. I ******* hate myself right now. Posting this is really hard. I feel sick. I am sick. Havent been on this site in a very long time. I used to love it when I was sober.

I went to therapy. I told my therapist that it is time. I am ready to stop drinking. I am fragile. I can not do this alone. I want to be better. Started drinking at age 12. I can still remember that first night like it was yesterday. 30 years later, here I am doing the same thing. Still. How frustrating and sad. I need to be sober. There is no alternative. I hope and pray for strenght.

As a father who quit around around the same age as you are (I'm almost 2 years sober and I'll be 43 in May), there's a better life for the taking. It's in your hands. As parents I believe we are lucky, not that it can't be done other ways but - we have the ultimate leverage to put down the drink for good. Welcome back to SR. Today can be the first day of the rest of your sober life.

Glad you are here. Stay with us- lots of support here of course and like you mention, I need real life support too. You can do this.

Welcome back Val!

There is so much support on this site, and reading and posting daily definitely helps. I am four years sober thanks to SR and still read and post here daily.

Why don’t you join the January of 2020 class, and also check in on the 24 hour thread each day.

Two of my three kids went back to school today, my youngest starts back tomorrow, and I know he would stay home if given the opportunity. Sounds like a good chance to spend some time with your kiddo today, and also check in to make sure everything is okay at school.

I’m glad you checked in with your therapist that’s another great support. Take some time today to think about the supports you need to be successful in recovery. Although today seems awful, it can turn into the best day ever, it can be the day you put alcohol behind you for good.

You can do this!

Hello friend. Hey lets work on cleaning this mess up. Starting now. Take it one day at a time thats it. We all know the feeling you have teust me. It sucks. Why we put our selves thru that crap is mind blowing. But it can be done I am on day 247 so yes it can be done. You dont have to feel that way ever again. ✌

Absolutely no judgment here Val. We've all been in your shoes, many of us multiple times and I'm going to tell you one truth - if I can get sober and stay that way, ANYONE can. So don't lose hope dearest. And by the way you are young. I am well over a decade gone from you and OH!!!!, what I wouldn't give to have those 12 years sober. Give yourself that gift. It will be amazing.

Thank you all for your kind words today. It brings tears to my eyes.

Val, everyone here has stories of embarrassment from bad things they have done while drunk/hungover. You won’t shock anyone here or be judged to any degree. Use how you feel today and remember you don’t want that ever again. Looking forward to stories of your progress!

If you get to work now on getting sober you have plenty of time for another summer, maybe an even better one than you mentioned. If you commit to not drinking right now think how you will probably feel by spring, or even in a few weeks.

If you continue to drink things will continue to suck.

I could rest assured that if I kept drinking I would have ended up dead or worse.

I know that with all of my heart, but the crave lurks.

It will be there for the rest of my life.

Unfortunately, booze related trauma is for life. It is the kind of dirt that never washes off.

I saw a lot of people in rough shape today at work.

Edgy, red eyed, craving.

I was cool and collected.

One day, one hour, one moment at a time. Suffering and time were my tools.

Getting the heart rate up is a key for me as well.

Thanks.

:hug:

I remember that first visit to my therapist after my last relapse. The remorse and shame was absolutely overwhelming. It's hard to bear, I know - when you (I) finally face up to it rather than drinking it away again. But that's the start of fixing it. It gets better.

And it's hard to screw up the courage to come back here (or walk back into a meeting if that's a thing you used to do) and report that you need help. Again. But you know what? That's just what we're here for! Right?

Stick around. Write a lot, post a lot. We'll be here to prop you up while you regain your legs.

O