Hello, I'm, new here
 

I'm desperate. My marriage is at a low and has been for some time. I've empty wine bottles littering my bedroom and feel I can't face sorting it out.

My mother died from Alzheimer's at the end of last year. I'd been looking after her for four years. It was difficult especially at the end and it was during that time that things got really bad. I haven't picked up since

Welcome to SR. Taking things one step at a time, you can get through this difficult time. Are you actively drinking?

Hang in there:grouphug:

Welcome harriett!

You have found a good place to sort things out. How can we help?

Welcome to SR, Harriet. What a lovely thing to do for your mother, looking after her. Maybe now is a good time to look after yourself, by not drinking. There are lots of people on SR who’ve done just that, in a variety of ways, and will share their experience, which may give you hope that you can too!

Hello Harriet and welcome.

We are here for you.

Hi and welcome Harriet - I'm glad you've found us.

You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here - you're not alone :)

D

Welcome x x

You is at the place. My friend. No worries we got your back. ✌ welcome

Welcome Harriet. I hope things improve for you.

Welcome to the family Harriet. :hug: You'll find lots of support here. :)

Thank you so much for all the replies
 

It's so lovely to read all the replies. I'm very grateful, I feel quite tearful.
i don't think anyone has Said much anything nice to me in a very long while. Except my 6 year old granddaughter who tells me she loves me (she calls me her play grandma because even though I'm over 60 I'm also a big kid and play games with her - there's some fantastic toys these days such as Playmobil sets)
I've been trying to babysit everyday as my Dil has been poorly. They live 20Mins away but I'm finding it too much. It's not life threatening but causes her a lot of pain and she needs pain killers.
Unfortunately we live in an old house that takes a lot of keeping up and so I have a huge back load of work here with stuff to do in the house. Of course this hasn't gone down very well husband, but he's very independent and doesn't seem to need me much, not as much as my grandchildren.
But I can't go on liKe this. I will have to get on with the house and cut down babysitting to about three days a week. I feel awful and very guilty about this and I don't think my Dil is happy about this. She doesn't understand how stressed I feel. I'm going to have to put my foot down somehow and it's going to be very hard. I always want to say yes of course I'll come.

I've collected too much stuff over the years, mainly arts and crafts thing, oil paints, canvas when they were going cheap and on offer. Also beads, yarn for crocheting. I was hoping to get on with it in old age but there's so much sorting to do first. I've got quite a few projects on the go but have left them all as I've had to move a lot of things into my room to get the other rooms done and it's out of hand now.

I'm a binge drinker but my last binge was rediculous lasting a week of drinking wine and a lot of it. I'm on my 2nd day without, only because I was too Ill to go out for more and then as I got sober to Ill with a hangover to drink water except for sips. I've just had my first food this afternoon also a vitamin b pill. I'm in the UK so I'm on a different timescale from a lot here. I'm still feeling rough, dizzy and no energy but sober.

Talking
 

And it really helps to have someone to talk to :grouphug:

Welcome to SR Harriet.

Welcome Harriet. This is a wonderful place to come for support and encouragement, and most of all, understanding! You sound like an amazingly giving and generous person, from the time that you dedicated to your mother, to your commitment to your granddaughter.

I agree with you that it's a good idea to draw some boundaries and reclaim some time for yourself. As I learned the hard way, you're no good to anyone if you spread yourself too thin and don't take care of yourself. It's a recipe for burnout. It may be tough for a little while, but your family will adapt.

On the days that you take care of your granddaughter, maybe your DIL could bring her over to your place? Would that be easier? She could even help you go through and organize some of your craft supplies.. I don't know about her, but my young daughter *loves* organizing things ; )

I also understand the healing power of organizing and decluttering..I hope you can find the time to tackle that so that you can spend more time on your creative endeavors. For me, my creative projects are a huge part of my healing journey.

Sending you positive thoughts and best wishes! We're here for you!

JT

Welcome, Harriet!

I'm glad you know that you need to stop drinking. :) We're here to offer support.

It's important for you to take care of yourself. It's hard to say 'No' sometimes, but cutting back on the babysitting sounds like it's necessary for you. Learning to create boundaries for ourselves is important.

Thanks for the replies. I've had my granddaughter around quite a bit in the past but I find it more hard going than going around there. She used to like getting her little brush and pan out and sweeping up for me but everything lasted about five minutes before the next activity. Now she just loves role playing games with toys and dolls and playing dressing up and dancing. I've probably got into bad habits giving her my undivided attention for several hours at a time although I've got a 1 year old grandson as well now and I have to keep an eye on him too.

​​​​​​I'm just going to have to limit the days now and try and get some energy going and getting back to jobs in the house.
good to of others having craft interests too.

:thanks

Hi harriet - it's so good to meet you.

I hope you'll feel as I did when I joined - no longer alone and in very good company. :) We all understand what you're going through - talking things over here always helped take some of the anxiety away for me.

I'm sorry for what you went through with your mother - seeing her through her illness was so hard. Now it's a new day and you can reclaim your life. Glad you are here.

Actually although my drinking has got worse recently I've always been a heavy drinker though nowhere near as bad as now and I have been to AA before. The last time I went I gave a long share on my life, people came up to me afterwards and hugged me and said it was a good share. I got able to be quite frank about my drinking and learnt a lot from aa but after that last time I got very depressed afterward, maybe I should have kept it short. Also I felt someone was laughing at me although my sponsor said no that he was laughing at her, maybe we were just both being paranoid. I didn't want to go back after that. I know there are some lovely people that go and I really used to enjoy the shares. They were very interesting the things people got up to.

Even thirty years ago I had some very enjoyable evenings drinking with my father after a stressful day.We used to wait for my mother to go to bed which was quite early , we were night owls and then sneak out to the stash in the garage. My dad used to like a drink too but he drank less at one sitting though more often. Heliked his wine, port, whiskey and our then favourite, carlsberg special (which isn't as strong now as it used to be. He still made it to 91 years old. He got gout and I think his enzymes were high and kept saying he,d give up but decided in the end that and TV were his only pleasures in life.
Unfortunately Ive had a lot of pleasure from drinking and it made me feel physically wonderful, like jumping out of an aeroplane and floating through the air to the ground (not that I've ever done that but it felt quite thrilling)
But maybe one day I'll return to aa