Thanks mags1, yes very early days but already feeling more hopeful than I have in awhile.

Welcome, Harriet! I am so sorry to hear about your Mom and other problems. Caretaking for others (parents, grandchildren) must be exhausting.
I did it for my in-laws and my Dad. I loved them all very much but, like you, I turned to alcohol and after they passed away, I was left with a messy life.
First, can you throw away all the empty bottles?
I'm guessing they are really bothering you. Doing that and walking for a bit every day will be a good place to start.
Setting up boundaries with your daaughter-in-law on babysitting will be another good step.

You need to take care of yourself now. You had some good sober time in the past, (Congratulations on 5 months!) so you know how to do it.

I'm glad you are here!

Thanks Zevin yes you're right about the bottles. I just made a start on that room today. I've also got bags of stuff I've been storing there as I haven't had a wardrobe or chest of draws for my clothes etc as that room has just recently been decorated. So I've got into a right disorganized mess. I'm just doing a little at a time at the moment , until I get some energy back. It's hard to believe it was quite tidy with not much in it just a couple of months ago. I kind of went down very quickly, self esteem low etc. after my few months of sobriety but I'm getting renewed hope inside . Still a bit frightening but feeling pretty good compared to before.
i realise now how having a support forum has made such a difference. Yes other like minded people are so important, I was very isolated before.Marriage in a bad state son and Dil just had a baby my mother was very demanding shouting "help heeelp" whenever I let the room, (when she could walk she'd just follow me everywhere repeating the same things to me over and over, all day everyday. It was very wearing, other son lives in london, no other family and needless to say, no friends, so my self esteem was very low and I feel that four years aged me about ten, it knocked the life out of me. I didn't feel confident enough to talk to anyone anyway.
but I can put it behind me now and put it down to experience.
I'm going to bag all the bottles then take them to the bottle bank down the road.... at night..... when it's dark.

​​​​​But of course you've been through your own personal hell. The thing is, if we didn't love them so much it wouldnt be nearly as difficult or draining.

Well, here's me writing another novellet again, I'm making up for lost time!

Zevin, I've just been reading your post, you're obviously a very strong person to go through all that. Keep writing it's good to hear the stories of others :grouphug:. Life can really throw it at you sometimes. In a lot of ways I know I have been very lucky but I'm glad that other bit is over now

You’ll get through this, Harriet, and rise like a Phoenix, I hope Could your son help you with the bike? Where I live, tricycles are rare and trendy! I was just wondering how long you’ve been married to your husband. From what you’ve written, he doesn’t sound very conducive to your sobriety and moving forwards into a happier life.

Its ok, it's not particularly intrusive since lots of us here talk about our lives.
Oh, rise like a phoenix, that's maybe why someone has called themselves phoenix, I thought maybe that was where they were from.
Anyway, we have been married for 19 years and knew each other for quite a few years before. I'd been divorced for years as the boys were just 3 months and nearly three years at the time. My first husband didn't keep in touch and eventually disappeared so they couldn't find him for maintenance payments. My younger son recently tracked him down out of curiosity. He was in Malaysia or Philippines with a very young wife. Turned out he had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and was dying. He died earlier this year, the same age as me.
Another reason for my unhappiness recently was because I wanted that other room doing to put things in and help me get sorted but he just kept refusing to ask the man that helps us to do it. If I'd tried to get it done myself he'd have gone ballistic as he'd done that when I'd got someone to help sort out the garden. I had to wait months and then we nearly got a divorce when I insisted it be done. He still got another job done first though. He likes to be the man in charge. I can't get the bike down yet as there's that furniture he's keeping there and another large item he won't get rid of even though it'll never get used.
I can't face him going ballistic again, it's too stressful. I'll have to get a man to do it as my son and hubby have already had a serious disagreement and don't get on great. He's a funny man, sometimes he's ok, that's why I don't want to rock the boat. I have a lot of jobs I need to do before I tackle that one

There are reasons to do with all this. We looked after his parents when we first got married, I think that's why he married me in the first place. When they died my parents needed looking after and I think he felt very put out by that. He,s in his 70s now and I think he envisaged me looking after him, not my parents. I don't think things turned out as he expected. If he'd been an alcoholic he might have learnt at AA that if you want to give God a laugh, tell him your plans. I like that one. Another important thing I learnt at AA was gratitude and I'm reminded of that when I read the other people's posts on hear.

Well there you are lol. I bet you wish you hadn't asked me now lol
Aren't we all a strange lot :grouphug:

By the way, tricycles aren't trendy here but my son who lives in London said a lot of young mothers have them so they can put their children and shopping in them. Good idea for London. I've only seen one here, a woman about my age holding up the traffic. But I mainly only want mine to go down the road which isn't a main road and be able to do a bit of shopping and save petrol.

(edit)

Edit

How are you doing today, Harriet? You could be a trendsetter with your tricycle! Apparently, they’re a smother ride, plus other traffic must give them a wider, safer, berth.

Best part about bike riding for me is that it makes me feel like a kid again, taking me back to a time where my biggest worry was if mother was going to buy real pop tarts or some knock offs :)

Hemingway put it best in an adult perspective that I relate to my drinking:

“It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them.”

Ha ha, I love the bit about the pop tarts, those were the days. Lovely quote by Hemingway, and you can go at a good speed too, feel the wind rushing passed you.

Harr- I am getting back on my bike for the first time in a long while (where it is FLAT! Tomorrow. Small steps. I am called phoenix partially because of my recovery history, partially because of why I ended up here. I am in Adelaide, in Australia land.

Hi Phoenix, good to meet you. As it happens I read your story earlier today and I can see why you are called phoenix. Wow, I was gobsmacked, I've never heard anything like it. You've certainly had a lot of strength to get through a life like that, good for you.
At least you get to live in sunny Australia and hopefully things are good for you today.
I felt really guilty and stupid while reading because I'd recently been going on about how difficult I was finding my life and your story has really put things into perspective.
Having said that, we're all different and I personally found it difficult. We've all got our stories and problems to get through.

Hope you enjoy getting back on your bike, great exercise and I wouldn't want to be going up hill either, but then I wouldn't want o be going down hill these days, sounds a bit dangerous to me, who knows how fast it might speed up to lol.
Hope you're enjoying life these days

Harr- never feel stupid for your own experiences- they are real and just as relevant to life- and your story has just as much value as any one else's. Truth be known (der) my story is just because I was stupid. No doubt. Everyone who has pain in their life- emotional, from memories or what we do- has relevance, and the fact you have identified stuff, that you share is so positive. Never doubt your own worth.

Thanks for your kind words.
You weren't anymore stupid than anyone else, some of us have just been luckier. Besides it doesn't make it any easier to cope with, in some ways it can make it harder. All the guilt, remorse etc. But you've come through It.

Hello
 

Don't know why that typed like that sorry

Hello Boggle10, thanks for the enquiry, I haven't been to this thread for a while and found your post quite accidently.

I'm doing ok, staying sober with the help of SR, it's feeling a bit like a safe haven at the moment.

I've had to cut down on the babysitting and whilst I need to do that and it's quite a relief, I also find it quite hard. I saw my grandchildren this afternoon and when I left I said I'd see them Monday. My Granddaughter said "and Sunday" and I said no not this week. She wanted to know why not. I worry mainly because my daughter in law has an illness that causes a lot of pain and that means my son does a lot of the child care. He has a full time job and is doing extra studies in his spare time. Their one year old son often keeps them both awake but my son has to go to work. I just worry. I was helping out as much as I could so that he could come home and have a break and then get some studying done.
He's assured me that he's ok and will manage if I just go round a couple of times a week. Thats all I can cope with right now.

Well thats one of my main worries but then it's also been such a relief to cut back on going round.

Sorry to go on. I'm ok really. Caught up on sleep on Thursday which was good but still feel easily tired. Not getting any younger but I hope to build up some more stamina in time, by eating sensibly and gentle exercise.

Anyway, how are you?? I see you joined at the beginning of October. Are you a bit if a newbie like me? Hope you will post again and let me/us know how you're getting on

Yes it's a month today that I stopped, I'm a bit like you where the grandchildren are concerned, I've two daughters oldest is 29 with 2 children boy is six girl is five, other daughter is 28 and a five Yr old daughter, me myself, I'm crippled with arthritis and fibro, but they don't seem to care as long as they have a baby sitter, my youngest daughter also minds two other children 5&7 and she lands them over to me on the three days she has them, some days I feel like pulling my hair out, I often said is it any wonder I drink, my grandson wanted to stay last night but I said no as I was tired, he cried I felt awful,, but at the minute I'm taking care of me.
My husband drinks every night when he gets in from work, I've ask him to stop but nope, he always says he won't bring any home but still does, he had to visit an old friend last Wednesday night after work, well this man makes his own booze, he has stills all around the house, well my husband came in drunk then went to the garage and drank some beer, then had the cheek to come in and ask me was I drinking today. He said my eyes looked funny, I was so mad but glad that I hadn't any because I know that next day feeling, and he didn't look a bit well the next morning, I'm still very tired even after a month off but I try to sleep as much as I can, I'm so glad your still off, I've been looking up mocktails,just so I can have something different to drink instead of diet coke and fizzy water, take care and stay strong xx