That Was Dumb
 

I've got a long story, but I'm not sure there's a point in telling it. Went to Las Vegas. Four-day bender ended with me waking up in the emergency room with people calling me John Doe because my wallet and phone are missing.

Detoxing on the plane ride home was about as miserable a feeling as I think I can ever endure. I seriously thought I was going to have to tell the flight attendant I needed medical assistance. I probably should have.

I got away from doing the things that make me stronger than my AV. Getting back to them starting today.

Day two of my best life. Thanks for being here.

That sounds horrible. Sympathy and best wishes for recovery.

I'm really sorry that you went through that. It sounds awful.

I'm glad you're back here and safe, Nonsensical. :)

Man, that does sound horrible. I hope you learn from it.

If you think you'd gain anything from telling it, I hope you share. But I understand you not doing that.

When I relapsed on drugs, what...five years ago?...I didn't go into detail because everything I wrote read like I was excusing or justifying the relapse. It came down to me wanting to get high, and I did.

You apparently wanted to get drunk.

And you did.

Glad you made it back.

I have to stick with the idea that I am always stronger than my AV , any doubt in that is AV .

There is nothing I need to do to maintain that position , other than changing my mind.

That said, my AV didn't even try to minimize the painful empathy I felt reading about waking up in the ER and the hellacious plane ride, but it did say " yeah but You know the first two days were probably awesome".

you know you got this, rootin for ya

Sorry for the misery, Nons. Further proof that it does nothing but bring misery & chaos into our lives. Never going to be worth it. Heal and grow stronger. :)

i am curious....when planning this trip to Vegas, was there the intention to drink at will?

I'm so sorry, Nonsensical. That must've been beyond horrible for you.

I don't know why I'm shocked by your report, but I am. Like others I admire around here, I thought you "had it." Glad you made it out of that mess, man.

If you think that you or anyone here will gain from telling the story, please do. I've been thinking hard about how to best prevent the "relapse before the relapse," and best as I can figure, it seems to depend on recognizing and dismissing the Addictive Voice. Every time. Even when it whispers. What are the things you'll be getting back to?

xo
O

Ah, really sorry to be reading this Nons but i'm glad you're back and posting. I know things have been going reasonably well at least from a work/business point of view so maybe there was an element of curiosity there. I mention that as a Brit who has always wanted to visit Vegas (I have no interest in gambling) but who is also reluctant to because of the booze vibe that accompanies it. (ditto New Orleans btw)

I'm really pleased it wasn't an extended period. Good luck Nons

Well, I am really glad you are here to post. But Imma also be tough on this one: dumb? There are a lot of other words I had to admit to besides that to finally quit.

Day 2 so what are you doing today to make this your last chance? Obvious analogy coming but the house always wins on this situation if we keep playing.

Damn Non, this one was surprising and disappointing to read. Your wisdom and input was very valuable to me in my path to sobriety. I'm sorry to hear you picked up.

How long had it been for you?

What's the plan?

I’m sorry non. I hope you learn from it. Staying sober to me is like staying physically fit. If I stop exercising,I will lose my muscle tone and this body I’ve worked so hard for. If I stop exercising my sobriety every day, I bet I will eventually drink again.

I am glad you posted because hopefully this will help you be accountable and also prevent another person here from relapsing knowing how awful this experience has been.

Non, that sounds terrible. Vegas is a dangerous place and I'm glad you are okay now.

Dang. I'm just glad you made it back Nons.
Take care of yourself man.

D

I believe in you. I’ve read many of your previous posts. Don’t let this blip catch fire and spread. It’s day two. GREAT work. GREAT, GREAT work. Day 1 there are more flames than day 2, but you still need to be vigilant that this fire is out. Keep working, and fighting, and posting, and reading, and exercising, and breathing. Before you know it, it’ll be like this disaster didn’t happen and you’ll be all rebuilt. You’ve done it before so you know what you need to do and can do it again. We’re all here believing in you and cheering you on. This doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You’ll rebuild bigger and better than ever.

I've always loved reading your posts. You're insightful, you write well, and you've helped a lot of people here. I'm so glad you're safe. I know you did some damage, but you're not dead or in jail so there's that. I will agree with you that it was dumb, but the beast's ideas are always dumb. You know what happened and you know what to do moving forward.

Whoa, Nons, phew, had not expected that.
i wonder if you did, as you got closer to the trip?
no need to answer, of course.

glad you came back and are ready to go for it again.

Ouch! I know what it feels like to know that you "should have" asked for medical assistance. I feel this about my last detox as well....I have 3 weeks tomorrow..

I can't imagine being on a freaking plane feeling that way..Thank God you are home and in the mindset of wanting to stop drinking now...I hope you feel better soon...Alcohol is the devil that ravishes my body of everything good :(.

When I started drinking in 07, I threw away 20 yrs sober. :( I drank for about 2 yrs and then finally got sober for good, almost 10 yrs ago.

I hope you will tweak your program and work it like your life depends on it.

Nonsensical, I’m sorry to hear this. Your posts have always been helpful to me. I’m glad you’re back, and I’m wishing you the best.

Ah Vegas.. like an old lover I can now only wink at in passing but would be more than a fool to get back into bed with.

I also was not expecting this post from you. Although I have noticed you posted a lot when I first got here but haven't been around much lately. I think there's truth in the whole "you have to give it away to keep it" saying. I don't know what that entails for you but for me recognizing the permanence of my situation and knowing I'll likely permanently need to take some sort of actions (even if it's just reading or engaging in conversation with other people in recovery) has been key.

Thanks for the kind words.
It was difficult to post here and admit that after advising thousands of people to starve their AVs I fed mine. I knew posting was the right thing to do, though, if for no other reason than my AV was telling me not to.

The plan going forward:
I have an appointment with my CBT Therapist on Monday
Back to the gym. Every. Day.
Some AA meetings. I've never been a 12-stepper, but the value of being around other people who understand the addiction cannot be overstated
Reading more here.
Expanding my community. I find helping others to be very satisfying. It gives me lasting joy that displaces my perceived need for temporary pleasure. Churches and charities always need people. And I need them.

It's the middle of the night here. My sleep cycle will likely be jacked up for the next week or so. Glad SR is open 24/7.

Right on.

Really glad you have a plan. And you are right- sharing and telling on yourself to us was the right and honest thing to do. Proud of you.

Non...thank you for posting...always liked your posts...could have been tragic glad you made it back.

I can relate.

Hey Nons -
Glad to see you made it back. Get back at it - you know what to do. I like your plan.

Your posts over the years have been so helpful to so many. And so was this one - as a reminder that the beast never dies, it just goes quiet to lull us into a false sense of security. Anytime I think to myself "I got this" something inevitably happens to remind me that I cannot get complacent or cocky. Yeah, I can stay sober with work and effort, but I'm really only one bad day away from letting the beast get the better of me. I don't live in fear, but I am aware that there's always a risk. I can never forget that. Your post is a good reminder.