Forgiving Ourselves this Weekend - Weekenders 20 - 23 September 2019
 

:welcome

Welcome to the Weekenders :wavey:

Forgiving Ourselves. I always find that very hard, much harder than forgiving other people in my life.
https://i.postimg.cc/Y0S8HQ3G/162223...-E814-F9-F.jpg

I read a topic on forgiving yourself and I found this paragraph which I found interesting.

To release that part of your past that you need to forgive, it’s helpful to remember that we’re all doing the best we can in any moment.
If you had known that your action would cause pain to others or yourself, you probably wouldn’t have done it, right?
And even if you knew that you were causing damage at the time, you had no idea how much you would regret it in the future.
Retain what you learned from the event but release everything else.

It went on to say

Appreciate your missteps for what they are—a stepping stone on your path.

I know I’m my worst critic, and I think it’s time to cut some slack, as they say.

This weekend, can we be forgiving to ourselves as much as we are to others and enjoy our Sober weekend?

https://i.postimg.cc/Gt3Vv5r1/0-A096...A0-F55-FB5.jpg

If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!) :)

Thanks Mags :)

D

I'm in, too! Thanks, Mags!:thanks

Lunar nice one on shotgun! :)

Forgiveness to self???
Not likely soon. The self damage I did- well, obvious..just need to look at 20% of me having burns scars. But also nearly every adult memory I get- has booze in it. What I DO- is compromise. Pre burns me- nope, bad, pathetic, ruinous.
Post burns- I am satisfied AND I accept who I was then, is not me- now. Acceptance is a step towards forgiving myself. I was raised and worked in places where one did not show positives for oneself- pride cometh... From trauma and experiences- I am different me, feeling, thinking and learning differently.

I understand to fully embrace recovery - I have to keep doing the exhausting work of repairing myself- to heal and grow.

And that is something, at least.

I'm in too.
Thanks Mags !

What's that quote from In to the Wild ; "When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God’s light shines upon you"

Amen to this PJ :

"I understand to fully embrace recovery - I have to keep doing the exhausting work of repairing myself- to heal and grow."

See you all tomorrow :wavey:

Morning all,

Running late, was up in the middle of the night with work. Will ponder and check in later....

Reconciliation. Well, that's quite a topic. :)

in

https://media1.tenor.com/images/a837...itemid=3571901

Oof, what a good topic, Mags.

Brings up some stuff, I guess. I kept my drinking very secretive, and luckily I lived alone, so no one had to see that side of me. Of course, events were a different story. It's hard to forgive yourself for things that you technically could have prevented because you were sober. I'm not gonna dwell too much on it today because I don't want to start off on a heavy note, but I have many, many regrets.

It's a work in progress. I think I forgive myself a little more each day that I wake up sober and do my best to be the best version of myself. As we all know, recovery is more than just putting down the drink.

PJ's post said it better than I can. So. Thank you, PJ.

I hope all of you have a great Thursday.

Hmm I am not sure on forgiveness - it's complicated!

I have a lot of work to do to forgive others and myself I guess. Not sure I ever will.

I steer myself away from feeling anything as much as I can.

Maybe for me this sums it up. Is it unhealthy?

https://i.postimg.cc/26NYm5fz/4b7faf...46e0b095fe.jpg

I don't know.

Thanks for the thread Mags. :)

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Good one, Mags. Thanks for this always-salient Topic.

Pretty early in LIfe, MISTER Science Geek, here, had a firm sense of Time being transient. And, a concept not really existing outside the [Human] Observer. We've assigned characteristics to Sunrise/Sunset, or the passing of Seasons. I know Time can't be called back. Humility causes me to accept that right down to my Bones.

This led to me embracing the Sober concept that all I can do is be different going forward. So, I relish in that. I definitely take responsibility for past actions, but the whole 'Regret' dynamic is something I've always let fly up into the Ether. Not unlike releasing a Helium Balloon labeled 'Regrets'. My take-away is to focus seriously on the 'now' of not mucking up anymore. Live and focus in the moment. I find that relatively easy, actually, with Alcohol out the equation; never to return.

Thanks, Bim, for that .gif of a MesaDog look-alike demonstrating how it's done. :Hat

I came across this intense Song by a fav - Howard Jones. Lyrics attached for reflection.

'Another chance, another day to mend, to change, to start again'

~ 'Another Chance' ~ Howard Jones ~

~ Lyrics ~

Nuffin' like the Sunrise here to reboot, and focus Priorities...


https://i.postimg.cc/BZPKwCkg/Sunrise-18092019.jpg
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I am definitely a work in progress on self forgiveness. I am sometimes too forgiving of others but with myself not so much!

I look at this as just moving on. I never deliberately hurt anyone whilst drunk. I sometimes deliberately hurt people stone cold and calculatingly sober. So where does that leave me? Just in the here and now and doing the best I can.

IN

Thanks Mags, good topic and one I should probably pay more attention to.

It has taken a long time but eventually I discerned that there were two strands in play. Firstly there is the shame and embarrassment at past words and actions. Eventually it did sink in that shame serves no positive purpose, it doesn't apologise to anyone I hurt and it doesn't teach me anything or help me move on.

Secondly there is guilt. I don't see feeling some guilt as a bad thing in as much as it does teach me something, that some actions or words hurt others and helps me avoid repeating the mistake.

When people post that they want a drink on SR people (myself included) often say "play the tape forward" meaning where will picking up that first drink lead you. It's good advice. When it comes to our past mistakes we sometimes "play the tape" too often.

I forgave myself some things, some specific things today on my way to take the linked picture.

​​​​​​https://imgur.com/a/gkbwAcs

Not currently open to sharing what those are, but forgiving is a tough thing. And I needed today to let some things go.

In.

I spent a couple of years beating myself up almost daily. At the very beginning of sobriety it was all day every day. I think maybe I needed to do that for a while, so it would sink in fully that I had behaved very badly at times and that I really really didn't want to do that anymore.

As time went on and I made amends and people started to move beyond the tings I had done and the things I had said while in my active alcoholism, I knew I needed to turn my efforts to forgiving myself. I'm still working on that. There are a few things I will never forgive myself fully for, and I think that's OK. I can live with some well-deserved guilt and remorse for a couple of things, like driving drunk and hurting my Man Friend in ways that are inexcusable in my book. Those things are not forgivable, but I don't beat myself up all the time any more about them. They happened. I take full responsibility. I will not do those things again. But I will not forget - and probably won't forgive myself.

One of my favourite ideas on forgiveness comes from a book called The Shack
I read that and realised for me one of the necks I had to let go of was mine.

Not a chance in the world I'll be forgiving myself, ever, I couldn't care less what the recovery rhetoric is. The damage I did to my ex & the kids isn't something to be forgiven, simple as that. What I have tried to do, though, is accept that it happened, that there's nothing I can do to change it, & take comfort in the fact that I'm making amends & being a better person.

As my see-ya-tomorrow thought...

One day I was walking on my favorite beach path and I made some remark about something to someone (about something small I was worrying over) and she said, "Guilt is overrated." Never seen her before in my life, but she made an impact with her sly little smile.

I think if it served any purpose whatsoever in making things better for myself or anyone else, I might go ahead and beat myself up over all manner of mistakes I've made, big and small - sober or not.

It doesn't so I don't.

Forward we go.

I have a new water heater. It took almost the whole day, as they brought the wrong one - hooked it up - took the old one away (three flights of steps, BTW) and then had to take the new one away, go buy a second new one and do the whole thing again. Water Heater Groundhog Day. Smokin' hot agua, though. Worth it.